Athrana
by The Grimreaper PT
Summary: After being held prisoner for 5 years Athriel realises that she has changed too much to return home. Instead she becomes Athrana and seeks her revenge. However she cannot stay away completely and watches over her brother and her friends. Overlaps Nariel.
1. To get out, to get home

Note: updated 06/10/14. In an attempt to get back into writing this fic I re-read it from the start. As a result I got annoyed at some of the terrible writing so I am updating some of the chapters.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 1- To get out, to get home.

TA2938

Athriel opened her eyes; Darkness, Darkness and stinging dust. She tried to shield her eyes with her hand but she couldn't move. Slowly awareness came back to her body and she realised she was underneath a pile of heavy stones. Rubble, from the collapse. She tried opening her eyes again. This time she saw a twinkle of sunlight through a gap in the rocks. If she could just get to it, the light would lead her outside and away from this hell. Then she could go home.

Home, that thought gave her strength. She had to get back home. Back to the brother who raised her, back to that safe haven. Back to her friends and her family. With all the strength that she had left in her body, Athriel clawed her way through the rubble towards the shaft of light. Somehow she managed to pry the rocks apart. Finally she sat with her face towards the light. She was so close now, so close to the outside. She had no idea how long she had been in this place, but it felt like an eternity.

No, she didn't want to think about this place. She wanted to get out, to get home. Frantically she pulled apart the barrier in front of her. Her hands bled but she didn't care, she barely noticed. She had to get out. That's all that mattered now. Athriel crawled through the gap she had made and breathed deeply. Outside, she was outside. The air was fresh and clear after the stuffiness. She could hear flowing water and the swaying of the trees instead of cruel laughter. Bright cleansing sunlight and a cooling breeze bathed her instead of stifling heat in the darkness.

In the distance she could see the trees. How long had it been since she had last seen the trees. Her body ached all over from exhaustion and relief, but slowly she crawled to the tree-line. She had to climb. She knew that she didn't have the strength for it, but it was either that or run. When the night came they would come looking for her. She secretly hoped that the collapse had killed them all, but she knew that some of them would have survived. She could not outrun them so she would have to climb.

With everything she had left Athriel hauled herself into the branches. Once she reached the top she could rest. She had no weapons, and she had no plan, but she would out live them. She had seen daylight now. There was no way she was going back to that place of pain and torment. No way would she let them take her back. She would make them kill her first. That was it, one or the other. Home or dead. With relief she collapsed amongst the branches. Here she could rest. Here she could gain strength enough to get home. She slept and dreamt of home.

_TA135_

_Athriel fidgeted in the saddle. She was only 4 years old and not used to riding, and yet she had been sent on this long journey. The elf behind her laughed. _

_"Don't worry Penneth. We will be there soon" _

_She was travelling with this stranger to meet a brother she had never seen. At least not that she remembered. Her father said that she had met him once, as a baby, after her mother's death. But she could not remember that, now she was going to live with him._

_She never knew her mother. There had been some complications during the birth which had lead to the elleth's death. And now her father could no longer go on without his wife. He had held out as long as he could but now he was to sail. He had been ill for months now, trying his best to continue for his daughter's sake, but he couldn't do it anymore. So Lord Cirdan had sent him over the sea and Athriel to live with her brother in Rivendell._

_It had been a long journey, but now they were finally entering the valley. Athriel gazed in wonder at the trees around her. For some reason she felt more at home here than she ever had by the sea. This place seemed safer, calmer. The grey havens were a place to go before you moved on. Separate from the rest of Arda, A place for the elves and only for the elves. She had heard many stories of Rivendell. There were other races here. She would see men and dwarves and of course other elves. In some ways she was excited to see this place but she was also scared._

_Her father was gone now, he had sailed find her mother in the undying lands and Athriel was alone. This was a place of strangers. She knew very little of her brother save his name. And whenever she had mentioned it to other elves in passing they had looked at her strangely. They used words to describe him that she did not understand, at least not in the context of family. Formidable. Cold. Strict. Poor child._

_As they neared the Homely House the elf behind her spoke again. _

_"Are you ready?" _

_He asked. She could see a figure waiting on the steps. He was slim and dark like her. His hair a deep black, like a raven's wing and his robes were dark velvet. _

_"What's he like Glorfindel?"_

_She asked the warrior as they slowed, and the other elf watched them closely. _

_"Erestor? He's one of my closest friends" _

_She looked up as the dark elf moved towards them. He wasn't as scary as she had imagined. He was smiling. _

_"Athriel?" _

_She nodded. He laughed and pulled her from the horse spinning her round and finally holding her in his arms and against his hip. _

_"I am your brother Erestor. Let me show you your room" _

_With that he whisked her away into the house. Faintly she could hear Glorfindel call after them, but she was too busy staring in wonder at the smiling face of her brother._

_"I'll get the bags then shall I?"_

Athriel snapped awake as she heard the growls. It was dark now and they were coming. But she felt stronger. She would get out of this and then she would go home, back to Imladris where she belonged.


	2. Athrana

Note:

Update 06/10/14

There is only one reason that I decided to give this story a T rating. This is because (if you hadn't guessed already from the first chapter) it does deal with torture. I will not be very graphic with it, but some people may find it uncomfortable, especially as with the way I write I concentrate more on what the character is feeling rather than what is actually happening. It is luckily a very short section. This is however the first time I have tried to do something like this so bare with me. Please review. Also ""Quote"" indicates the twins talking in unison.- PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 2- Athrana

TA2938

Athriel sat as still as she could in the tree tops. She could hear them coming, but she needed a weapon. As much as she wanted to she couldn't just leap down on top of them without a plan. She had to keep calm no matter what happened. She had to get home. Home, she had to hold on to that thought.

_TA135_

_Her room was huge, especially to a 4yr old. Erestor had put her down once they reached the door so that he could unlock it. Then he had taken her hand and led her over the threshold._

_ "This will be your room Athriel" _

_The door opened up into a small living space. There was a large sofa on a round rug beside a huge ornamental fireplace. There were shelves all around them and a large storage chest. It all looked so grown up. _

_"Once your stuff gets here we can figure out where it will all go. There are shelves and the trunk, and hooks on the wall to hang whatever pictures you like. Tomorrow we can see about getting whatever you need. And this is the bedroom"_

_ Erestor pushed open a door in the far end of the room._

_In the centre of the room was a huge bed with burgundy sheets and what seemed like thousands of cushions and pillows. There was also a large wardrobe, a dressing table and a balcony. With great excitement she ran to the balcony doors but they were locked. _

_"I'm sorry Athriel, but I don't want you going out there until I can make it more secure." _

_She heard laughter from behind them and spun around to see Glorfindel laden down with bags. _

_"It has already started I see my friend" _

_He said dropping the bags onto the bed before putting his hand on Erestor's shoulder._

_ "I am afraid Athriel that you will find your brother far more protective than any other adult you have ever met." _

_Tilting her head to one side Athriel watched as Erestor shook Glorfindel's hand away and proceeded to look through his pockets. _

_"I don't know about that. I have the key here somewhere, we can go out on the balcony if she wants." _

_Athriel smiled. _

_"It's alright Erestor. I don't have to go out on the balcony. What's through this door." _

_She pulled her brother over to the door beside the dressing table._

_Through that door was her very own bathroom. Athriel shrieked in delight. She had never had her own bathroom before. _

_"You don't think she's a bit young for all this do you Res?" _

_Glorfindel asked quietly, although Athriel still heard him. _

_"Of course not Fin. She will need her own rooms eventually and what's the point of moving again then. I want her to be settled here. Besides until then she can use my rooms as well."_

_ Athriel grinned while she pretended not to listen to the adults talk. That was until Erestor mentioned his own rooms._

_ "Where are your rooms Erestor?" _

_She asked oblivious to how she had given herself away for listening. He grinned and led her back through to the living room. On the right wall there was a very new looking door. Glorfindel groaned._

_ "You had a door knocked through?" _

_He asked, but her brother ignored the question. Erestor opened the door into a larger living area. It was similar in decor to her own, but with a large desk on one wall and crammed full of books. _

_"These" _

_He said _

_"Are my rooms. I want you to treat them as your own."_

_Glorfindel laughed again at his friend as he swept his little sister into his arms again to show her around his rooms. While they were busy he decided to start on the unpacking. That was until he heard the 4yr old shout from the other room._

_"Glorfindel where are your rooms" _

_Sighing he caught her as she ran through to him. _

_"They are just across the hall sweetheart. Now how about we unpack your things." _

_He smiled at Erestor as he followed them into her rooms. Within moments the little elfling's things were strewn about the room and she was jumping on the giant bed. _

_"Can I go out on the balcony now Erestor?"_

They were underneath her tree now, and they knew she was there. She had to do something. At that thought something beneath her skin moved. She could feel anger growing inside her, no not anger rage. She could feel it boiling in her blood. These creatures, these things, had taken her away from her life and from her home. They had taken her away from her family. Her family and her friends.

_Athriel ran through the corridors ahead of her brother, only to rush back so that he could tell her which turning to take. _

_"Where are we going Erestor?" _

_She asked for the fifth time since they had left their rooms that evening. _

_"Calm down Athriel. By the Valar, you have been here less than a day and already you are wearing me out." _

_She walked beside him for a couple of steps, but she was too excited and ran on again. _

_"Where are we going?" _

_She asked again. Erestor laughed. She had been here for only a few hours and already his entire life had been turned upside down, what's worse, he was loving every minute of it. _

_"You'll see when we get there."_

_Finally they reached the door they were looking for. Erestor knelt down in front of his little sister so that they were the same height. _

_"Now this thel-tithen is the Hall of Fire. This is where all of the elves and men of Rivendell meet at night to sing songs and talk with friends. There are lots of people in here who want to meet you, so you need to be on your best behaviour. Alright" _

_She nodded enthusiastically. _

_"Alright" _

_He stood up then and took her hand so they could walk in together._

_Erestor had forgotten however, that little elflings don't really have a best behaviour. As soon as the door opened Athriel had spotted Glorfindel and ran towards him. _

_"Athriel" _

_The warrior exclaimed. _

_"Is that a new dress you are wearing? I did not see it amongst your luggage." _

_The elfling jumped up and down on the spot. _

_"Yes it is Erestor gave it to me, isn't it pretty" _

_Glorfindel laughed and Erestor rolled his eyes. _

_"Athriel, what did I just say." _

_She looked up at the advisor with a face full of innocence. _

_"Sorry Erestor."_

""_You're new."" _

_Athriel spun around to face two elflings, not much bigger than herself. She looked between the two faces for some time. _

_"Why are there two of you?" _

_She asked. Erestor groaned. _

_""We're twins""_

_They said laughing. Elrond handed Erestor a glass of wine and watched the children quietly._

"_How old are you?"_

_One of the boys asked._

_"Yes how old are you?"_

_His brother echoed._

_ "I'm four" _

_She replied proudly. They grinned together. _

_"We're five" _

_One announced. _

_"Yes, we're older than you" _

_Athriel did not look impressed. _

_"So, that doesn't mean you are better than me." _

_The two brothers looked at one another before they continued. _

_"Ada says you have to respect your elders" _

_One started. _

_"And we're older than you" _

_The other finished. Elrond couldn't help but laugh at their logic, but Athriel wasn't fooled. _

_"That just means you have to listen to adults. It doesn't mean I have to listen to you" _

_Then she turned to her brother. _

_"Erestor, can I have something to drink?" _

_The twins folded they're arms and huffed together as Erestor took her to get some fruit juice._

_Athriel sat on a large cushion drinking her juice while the adults talked amongst themselves. She could see the two boys sitting sulking in the corner so she got up and walked over to them. _

_"I'm Athriel. If you don't boss me about we can be friends" _

_She said. They looked at one another for a couple of moments having a silent conversation before they stood up. _

""_OK"" _

"_I'm Elladan, and this is Elrohir"_

"_But you can call us Dan and Roh if you like"_

"_OK"_

Something inside her snapped. She jumped down from the branches. Her hands were not hands, they were claws. Her teeth were not teeth, they were fangs. She set upon the things surrounding her and ripped them to shreds.

It took a long time for her to calm down once they were all dead. She wasn't really sure what had happened, but there were bits of bodies everywhere. Looking down at her hands Athriel noticed not only the blood covering her hands but the dark blue scars across the skin underneath it. How long had she been like this. How long had she had these marks. She wandered over to a nearby stream to wash her hands. When she did she saw how deep the scars ran. She peered at her face in the water. There were scars there too. Horrible dark blue, nearly black lines from the poisoned blades they had used on her. Her hair, once long immaculate was now tangled and singed. Huge clumps had been cut away by the same blades that had marked her face.

_TA2933_

_It was so dark she could barely see them, but she could hear their laughter. She had no idea how long she had been here. Time did not matter anymore. The ropes that held her cut into her wrists, but she barely felt it. Not now. Not with the cuts so fresh. They burned on her arms and legs, on her torso and on her face. The cuts were everywhere burning into her brain. She knew the routine by now. They would leave her for a while now. Leave her to get used to the pain. Leave her long enough for the poison to leech into her bloodstream, but not long enough to kill her. No killing her would be no fun. Corpses don't scream. Corpses don't bleed and corpses don't cry._

_At first she had refused to give them the satisfaction, but that seemed so long ago now. A day, a week, a month, a year, five, ten? She didn't know. All she knew now was that she was broken. She was in this hell now for eternity. The cuts then the waiting, then they would patch her up so that they could cut her again. And throughout it all the laughing. The knowledge that she only existed now for their amusement. She prayed everyday for sweet death, but it never came._

Blindly Athriel reached for the nearest weapon she could. It was a long knife. An orc blade. With it she cut off the hair that had once given her her name. Athriel, Shadow garlanded maiden. She was not that anymore. She cropped the hair as close as she could to her scalp. She was not the same person anymore. They had taken that away from her. She could never be that person again. She could never go home. She was Athrana now, the wondering shadow and she would use whatever life she had left to track down as many of the vile creatures as she could and rip them to shreds.


	3. Erestor

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 3- Erestor

TA2938

Athrana, as she now called herself sat up and stretched. Although she knew she couldn't go home now, she still wanted to see that her family were alright. She needed to see them, to make sure. Athrana looked down at herself for the first time. But first she needed to find something to wear rather than the ragged strips of cloth she had now. Hopefully she would find something on the way. She was going to get back to Rivendell to see that everyone was alright. Athrana picked up the knife she had used to cut her hair and strapped it to one arm. Then she took a second knife and strapped it to her ankle. If she came across any of the vile creatures, she didn't want to react the way she had last night.

Finally ready to leave this place Athrana climbed up into the branches of the nearest tree. She intended to travel as far as she could in the tree tops. Luckily she wasn't very far from the elven valley, at least she hadn't been when she was captured and she felt as if she recognised her surroundings.

Athrana heard the sound of laughter and singing as she got closer to the Last Homely House. She didn't dare go to close to the voices; she just wanted to see Erestor and the twins.

TA2957

Erestor stood watching Estel as he packed up to leave on his journey. He would be Thorongil for now. It was important that he learned about the kingdom he would rule one day. He had been here for 24 years. He had only been a child when he arrived and had grown quickly as mortals do. Erestor watched as Elrond said goodbye to his foster son. He knew that for the lord of the valley the years had gone by too quickly. Erestor too had noted the passage of time more closely than he otherwise would have but for a different reason. He wondered if the mortal had ever noticed the sadness Erestor always carried when he saw him. It wasn't the boy's fault of course but in Erestor's mind the day of Estel's arrival would always be remembered as the day he had lost his sister.

_TA2933_

_Erestor stood on the steps as he always did when she was expected home. It was only a simple errand and she would chastise him for worrying so much. She would laugh and drag him off to their sitting room to drink wine and tell him everything that had happened. He laughed when he thought that at one time he had called it his sitting room, she had her own after all. But more often than not she would sit in his rooms to read rather than her own. He had thought she would grow out of it eventually but she was now 2,802 and hadn't shown any signs of changing._

_The nostalgic smile however slipped from his face when he saw the horses enter the courtyard. Three horses and three riders; Elladan, Elrohir and a mortal woman carrying a small child. Where was Athriel? He watched in silence as they dismounted. No, this couldn't be happening. It was only a small errand. Any minute now she would ride up laughing and apologise for scaring him so much, any minute now. As the twins passed him to lead the woman inside they avoided catching his eye. They knew what he wanted to know and neither wanted to be the one to tell him. _

_Erestor stood for hours watching the sky change colour. Eventually he felt Elrond stand beside him. "Erestor?..." A hand touched his shoulder but he shook it away. "She's dead isn't she? That's what you've come to tell me." Elrond grabbed his arm and tried to lead him inside. "Erestor... come inside and we can talk" But Erestor didn't want to come inside. If he went inside then it would become real. If he went inside he wouldn't be able to pretend that it was all a joke. He would have to acknowledge that she was really gone, that she wasn't hiding around the corner waiting to surprise him. "Erestor please." He collapsed onto the steps and cried with his head in his hands._

Elrond was standing on those same steps now with his sons watching the mortal ride off towards his destiny. It was then that the twins looked up and saw him. He couldn't hold their gaze for long. Erestor turned and ran to his rooms. With shaking hands he took out the key to the connecting door and opened it. The room was dark, but it looked the same. It had looked the same for the last 24years. He hadn't moved anything in all that time. He had let the twins take a couple of things, when they had finally gotten up the courage to ask; small trinkets she had acquired over the years mostly. But there were some things Erestor hadn't been able to part with. Erestor's eyes landed on a mannish pipe on the side table and an unfinished package of pipe weed. It was a habit she had picked up while travelling with the Dunedain.

_TA2588_

_Erestor was sitting at the desk in his rooms when his nose wrinkled. What was that smell? He sniffed a couple more times before he stood up. It was coming from Athriel's room. He walked towards the connecting door and pulled it open. "Athriel?" She was sitting on the sofa by the fire with her legs tucked up underneath her, a book on her lap and a pipe in her mouth. She looked up when he came in. "Hello Erestor, I thought you had work to do?" He nodded. "I do. But what are you doing." She waved her book at him. "Just a bit of reading. Why?" He rolled his eyes. "I meant what are you doing with this?" Erestor leant over and took the pipe from her. He sniffed it with a look of disgust on his face. "It's a pipe Res." She said as if it was obvious. "Yes I know that, but where did you get it? And what are you doing with it?" Athriel stood up and took the pipe back. "I'm smoking Erestor, it's very relaxing." Erestor shook his head. "It smells disgusting." She laughed. "You're just not used to it. It's a Mannish thing." Erestor threw his hands up. "Well that explains it. I tell you Athriel, those boys are a bad influence on you" She tried to look innocent. "Which boys?" it didn't work. "You know who I mean. Must you go off gallivanting with them all the time. Picking up Mannish habits and looking for orcs." She rolled her eyes. "Because it's fun. Besides Elladan and Elrohir are my oldest friends. I'm not going to let them go off and get killed now am I?" Erestor gave up. "Fine, fine do what you want. But if you are going to smoke that thing, can you at least do it on the balcony so you don't stink out both your rooms and mine."Athriel smirked. "Alright Erestor, I'll smoke on the balcony. I wouldn't want to ruin the atmosphere for your date with a certain Balrog slayer tonight." _

Oh how he wished she was here now smoking the infernal thing and teasing him. What he wouldn't give to hear her goad him about Glorfindel. She had always known, even before he did. Erestor turned away from the pipe and opened the bedroom door. The wardrobe door was still open from when she had rushed out the day she left. She had been running late that morning and couldn't find her boots. Erestor took a deep breath. Why did he do this to himself? Why did he come in here? He was about to turn and leave when movement outside drew his gaze the balcony door. That was the only thing he had changed. He had locked that door. She was always forgetting to do that. _"Can I go out on the balcony now Erestor?"_ He closed his eyes and could almost imagine no time had passed, that she was still a child jumping on her new bed. But then two arms wrapped themselves around him from behind.

"You will see her again Meleth" Erestor leant back into the body behind him. "Glorfindel, tell me about the halls again." The warrior sighed but nodded his head slightly. "Alright, come on" Glorfindel led Erestor back through the door to what were now their rooms and locked it.


	4. Elladan and Elrohir

Note: Usually I would indicate mind speak in _italics_. However as this story will contain mind speak during flashback I will indicate it in **bold**.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 4- Elladan and Elrohir

TA2957

Elladan and Elrohir sat in silence across from each other in their sitting room. It had been a long day. First they had had to watch Estel ride off . They had wanted to go with him but this was something he had to do on his own. They couldn't protect him forever, Rivendell couldn't protect him forever. But then they had seen Erestor. They didn't see him very often now. Nobody did, except for Glorfindel and their father. Before Athriel had come to live with him he had been a very solitary elf, most had thought him cold and distant, but now. Now he left his rooms only to go to his office. He didn't speak to anyone in the corridors and he didn't go to the hall of fire. He did his job and he sat in his rooms or in hers. They had only been in there once since her death.

_TA2933_

_It had been a couple of weeks now since they had come back without their closest friend and neither of them had gotten up the courage to speak to Erestor. Not that anyone had actually seen him. Except Glorfindel of course. They stood outside his door for a moment without knocking. Should they be doing this? Did they have any right? Could they even look him in the eye. Elladan raised his hand to knock but Elrohir stopped him. __**"Is it too early Dan" **__Elladan shook his head. __**"It will always be too early Roh"**__He knocked but it was Glorfindel who answered. "Oh, hello boys. This probably isn't the best time..." But he was interrupted by a quiet voice from inside. "Let them in Fin" Glorfindel nodded and stood aside to let them enter._

_Erestor was sitting on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket. A blanket they recognised. Athriel had spent weeks sewing that thing years ago. Before Erestor had given up on trying to turn her into a lady and conceded that warrior training was the best path for her. She had been so frustrated with it, it had almost been thrown into the river on several occasions. He gripped the fabric tightly as he stared into the fire. Erestor had been their tutor once, a long time ago. It was difficult to see him like this, so broken and lost. _

"_Erestor?" Elladan asked as he knelt down in front of the sofa trying to catch his eye. Erestor looked up "Hello Elladan, Elrohir." Elrohir knelt on the floor as well beside his brother. "Erestor we are so sorry. If..." Erestor shook his head. "It's not your fault boys. No one could have stopped her going" He smiled slightly. "No one could ever stop her doing what she wanted to." He looked up then at a portrait above the fire place. It was a picture of himself and Athriel painted just after her majority. "Erestor. We wanted to ask you something." Elladan said bringing his attention back to them. Erestor nodded. "Yes" It was Elrohir who continued. "We wanted to ask if we could have a couple of things from Athriel's room"_

They had taken a couple of things, small trinkets that didn't mean anything to anyone except themselves and Athriel. She would have laughed at the things they had taken. Silly little childish reminders of a friendship nearly 3,000 years old. They all sat in a box under their bed usually, but now they were on the table between them. **"Do you remember..." **Elrohir asked silently as he picked up a mithril hair slide. **"Of course I remember"**

_TA 231_

_It was the middle of the night. Or at least it would be soon. Conceivably they should have been asleep hours ago, but it was a special occasion. There was a knock on the door. Elladan jumped up and answered it with enthusiasm. "And what can we do for you my lady and so late an hour?" he asked as Athriel stood there. "I don't know Elladan" she said "Someone pushed a note under my door earlier this evening asking me to come here at this stupid hour." Elrohir laughed from the other side of the room. "Now why would we do something like that." Elladan stepped aside to let her in and walked to a crate of wine bottles in the corner. "It might have something to do with these."_

_Athriel laughed. "Where did you get them?" She asked as she sat down. "We managed to steal them away from the feast preparations for tomorrow." Elrohir explained as he fetched three glasses. "Oh, you mean my birthday feast preparations." Elladan opened one of the bottles and poured them each a drink. "That's the one. We thought we could celebrate your birthday together, just the three of us before your brother hogs all the attention." She laughed as she took a drink from her glass. "Alright, alright"_

_Soon afterwards the three of them sat in the bedroom, glasses forgotten drinking straight from the bottle more than a little drunk. "So where is my birthday present then?" Athriel asked as she reached for another bottle. "Who says you get a present?" Elladan asked in return. "I do" she replied. "It's my 100__th__ birthday and if I recall I got you both wonderful presents when you turned 100." Elrohir grinned looking at the two mithril cloak pins sitting on the dressing table. "Yes you did" Athriel sat up straighter. "Which reminds me; I think it rather unfair that I have to buy two presents every year, while you two buy only one between you." The twins laughed so hard they nearly fell off the bed. "You Riel are drunk." Elladan proclaimed. "And you Dan have still not given me my present" To save arguments Elrohir got up to retrieve Athriel's gift. He staggered slightly as he walked to the dressing table and opened a drawer._

"_Here it is" he said triumphantly walking over to the others. Athriel grinned and held out her hand. "Oh it's beautiful" she exclaimed once she had ripped off the paper. It was an elaborate mithril hair slide with black stones set into it. "I can go back to my room now then" she said cheekily. She stood up to leave but the pulled her back._

"_Why?"_

"_There's still wine left"_

"_And it's nearly morning anyway"_

"_You could just stay here"_

_She shrugged "Alright" She lay back against the pillows and took another swig of the bottle. "There's something I've always wanted to ask you two anyway." She said thoughtfully. "What is it?" Elrohir asked. "Why do you still only have one bed." Elladan laughed. "Why do you only have one bed?" he countered. "Because I'm only one person" she answered confused. "Well so are we really" Elrohir explained. It took a couple of seconds for Athriel's alcohol raddled brain to catch up. "What?"_

"_We"_

"_Are"_

"_One"_

"_Person"_

"_In"_

""_Two Bodies. That's why we can do this, and mind speak and know what the other is thinking all the time""_

_Athriel still looked confused. "But you are both different." Elladan rolled his eyes. "Don't you ever have different opinions on different days or different tastes." She nodded. "Well it's like that." Athriel shrugged. "OK" Elrohir nudged her with his elbow. "You've known us for 96 years and you never thought to ask before?" She grinned. "It didn't seem so strange when you were five" They all laughed together."Do you have any idea what time it is?" The three looked up to see Elrond standing in the door way. They tried to look innocent, but that hadn't worked in a long time._

Athriel had worn the hair slide to her birthday feast along with the new dress Erestor had bought for her. Elladan sat up and brushed the items into their box and put them away. **"What did you do that for" **Elrohir asked. **"I can't do this anymore. I can't just sit and look at her stuff. She's gone and she's not coming back." **Elladan walked out onto their balcony and looked out over the valley. For the last 24yrs they had put off dealing with their grief. They had thrown all of their energy into looking after Estel, but now he had left to travel on his own. What were they supposed to do now. **"Do you think we should have told Erestor the whole story" **Elladan asked. **"What good would it do?" **Elrohir countered. Elladan shrugged. **"Doesn't he deserve to know everything?" **Elrohir walked out to stand next to his brother. **"Is it better for him to know the truth or to believe that she died instantly"** The truth was that neither of them had actually seen Athriel die. The truth was that maybe they had dragged her off alive to do worse things to her before her body gave out completely. She wasn't even supposed to have gone with them.

_TA2933_

_Elladan and Elrohir were in the stables readying the horses when Athriel came in. They watched her tack up her horse before Elladan spoke. "What do you think you are doing Athriel?" he asked. "You're not coming with us" Elrohir added. She laughed. "Of course I am." With that she led her horse out into the courtyard and mounted up. Erestor was standing on the steps with his arms folded tapping his foot when they finally followed her out. "Where do you think you are going?" he asked. She shook her head. "To have some fun dear brother." he scoffed. "Oh come on Erestor, it's a nice simple easy errand. All we are doing is going to collect them and we will be right back. I'll be back tomorrow." And then without waiting for an answer she was galloping off._

""_Wait up Riel""The twins shouted together as they climbed up onto their horses. Erestor was glaring at them. "We tried to dissuade her Erestor, honestly" Elrohir said. "But she would have none of it" Elladan finished. Erestor shook his head and walked back inside. Then they took off at full speed intent on catching her. _

_The errand had been a simple one as Athriel had predicted. They were nearly home before things started to go wrong. "Yrch!" Athriel had yelled. Within seconds they were all riding as fast as they could. The twins either side of Gilrean and her child and Athriel slightly behind. But suddenly she slowed. Athriel snapped the arrow as it protruded from her body as they slowed beside her. ""Athriel?""She looked down at the wound in her shoulder. It had been a lucky shot. "It's poisoned" she said before looking at them and then at Gilrean's horse disappearing through the trees. "Go, get them to safety. I'm already dead." With that she jumped down off of her horse. ""No!"" But they couldn't stop her as she ran back towards the enemy with her long knives in hand. "Go!" she yelled as she ran. They turned and rode off. When they turned to look back they saw Athriel being overwhelmed by the creatures._

Athrana watched from the tree-tops as Estel rode away from Rivendell. She pulled the cloak she wore tighter around herself. For nearly twenty years she had been watching the inhabitants of Rivendell and for the first time the mortal was riding out without his foster brothers. Something important was happening. She was torn between following him and waiting to see what the twins would do. Eventually she turned and followed Estel. The twins would be safe for a while. She knew that Elrond wouldn't let them leave so soon after him.


	5. Aragorn

Note: Usually I would indicate mind speak in _italics_. However as this story will contain mind speak during flashback I will indicate it in **bold**.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 5- Aragorn

TA2957

Estel rode away from Rivendell, alone for the first time. No not Estel he corrected. He was not Estel anymore. Elrond had finally told him who he six years ago. He was Aragorn son of Arathorn, chief of the Dunedain and heir to the throne of Gondor. The only trouble was he didn't want to be Aragorn. He wanted to be Estel again. He wanted to live a quiet and peaceful life in Rivendell with the occasional trip into the wilds with his foster brothers to hunt orcs. That was how it had been for as long as he could remember.

Now though he was off into the world of men. He was going to travel amongst them as Thorongil. He intended to travel to Gondor and to Rohan, but first he was going to meet up with the Dunedain again, this time without the twins. He had learned something about them when he had learned his true name. Why they were so determined that he should fulfil his destiny.

_TA2951_

_Estel sat by the river watching the river flow past. Everything was going to be different now. His thoughts were interrupted by two laughing voices. "Would you look at that Roh? There is a mortal growing on the banks of the river." Estel looked up into the branches of the tree he was leaning against. "Indeed Dan. Maybe he sits there because he cannot climb." With that they jumped down to join him. "I can climb just as well as you can Elrohir. I just choose not to." Elrohir laughed with his mortal kin. "I'm sure you can Estel, you are a wonder of the mortal world" The man's face fell. "Ah. I see" Elladan said leaning back against the bark. "Ada finally told you then." Elrohir produced a bottle of wine. "We thought he might do that today"_

_The twins sat watching the water and listening to Estel's worries as they drank their wine. "When I told Ada I didn't want to be king he said I had to. He said that you had given up a lot to get me here safely. What did he mean" He was greeted by nothing but silence. He looked between the two faces. "What happened the day I came here?" Elladan shook his head. "We don't want to talk about it Estel." But he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Has it got something to do with why Erestor hates me" Elrohir choked on his wine. "Erestor doesn't hate you" Estel shrugged. "He doesn't like me" The twins were silent for a few moments, and Estel knew they were discussing it._

"_Erestor likes you Estel, it's just difficult for him." Estel sat up straighter. "Why? What happened? And what does it have to do with me becoming King of Gondor?"_

"_Estel, you don't want to hear this. And we don't want to tell you so please don't"_

"_What happened?"_

"_Erestor's sister died trying to get you here"_

"_What?"_

"_She was with us when we went to get you and your mother"_

"_She kept the orcs back while we got you to safety"_

"_And Gondor?"_

"_If you don't become who you are supposed to Estel, then her death won't mean anything."_

_Estel sat for a long time after they had gone. There was more to it he knew, but they didn't want to talk about it. They had retreated back to the house eventually making him promise not to ask Erestor about it. Now he sat just staring at the water. He would ask his father about it later. He would hear the full story but until then he was going to just sit here and watch the water. _

_Estel looked up when he heard singing from the other side of the water. There stood the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. The Evenstar._

Aragorn smiled at the memory of Arwen. She had become his main reason for becoming the man he was. Not his father's expectations, or his brother's, but the promise of Arwen as his wife.

Aragorn slowed as he neared the place he was to meet Halbarad and the rest of the rangers. As he dismounted however he noticed something through the trees. There was a body lying, or at least part of a body, and a lot of blood. As he got closer Aragorn realised, that it was not the blood of a mortal as he had feared but thick dark Orc blood. The thing he had seen from a distance was part of an arm. All around were spread pieces of what he assumed must have been an orc horde. "The shadow has been here" Aragorn spun around to face Halbarad as he inspected the ground. "The shadow?" His friend laughed. "All these years and you have never heard of the shadow." Aragorn scoffed. "You mean those tales the men tell while they sit around the camp fire." Halbarad nodded. "They are more than stories my friend. There is something in these woods. Something that hunts the orc with the ferocity of one of their own. It is always worse closer to the Elven Valley. I do not know why" Aragorn stopped. He had heard something about it before.

_TA2951_

_Estel stood outside of his father's office. He was still giddy from his meeting with Arwen, but he had questions that needed answers. "Enter" Estel walked into the office and sat down across from Elrond. "Ah, Aragorn. What can I do for you" The elf put hid paperwork down and gave the mortal his full attention. "Ada, I asked Elladan and Elrohir about the day I came here like you told me to, but I think they left something out." Elrond raised an eyebrow. "Oh, what makes you say that?" Estel fidgeted on his chair feeling like a child. "They told me about Erestor's sister, that she was killed, but..." Elrond stopped him. "Her name was Athriel." He stood up and walked to the window. "And she wasn't just Erestor's sister. He raised her." Estel joined him looking out at the valley. "She was only four when she came here and your brothers were five." Now Estel began to understand._

"_My lord" They turned to see Glorfindel at the door a patrol report in his hand. "Glorfindel, what is it?" Glorfindel walked in handing Elrond the report. Estel continued looking out of the window trying not to eavesdrop_

"_There have been more bodies found near the border"_

"_The same as before?"_

"_Yes orcs, though we can't tell how many. There were so many pieces..."_

"_Have them cleaned up"_

"_But Elrond, what do you think is doing it."_

"_Just have them cleaned up"_

Aragorn had always thought that Elrond had known exactly what was causing it. He looked a little closer at the marks on the ground. "Do you see this Halbarad?" he asked. The other ranger nodded. "It looks like footprints, although they are very faint. Unusual in this ground" Aragorn nodded. "That's because they are elven footprints" Halbarad laughed. "Don't be ridiculous Aragorn. An elf wouldn't do this. You know that. Even the Peredhil Twins in their rage would not cause this much damage. These bodies have been ripped apart."

Up in the tree-tops Athrana watched the rangers inspect her handiwork. She would have to be more careful from now on. She had kept herself hidden for too long to be exposed now.


	6. Family

Note: Wow! I am so surprised at the amount of people reading this story (and it has only been up a few days. The readership is growing much faster than its sister story 'Nariel the Red') I even managed to get my partner to read it and he has never read any of my fan fiction (considering I've been writing for ten years and he's known me for 7 this is a bit strange) Anyway I seem to be straying from the point. Thank you to everyone who is reading this and special thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. I know it's a cliché but reviews really do make me type faster.

I'm sorry for the short chapter, but I have food poisoning.

Also for those who do not know TA1975 was the year Glorfindel led the elven forces in the battle of Fornost to face the witch king.

- PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 6- Family

TA3018, September

Revenge was destructive Athrana thought. Well that was obvious, she only had to look around the carnage of her latest fight to know that. She had always watched Rivendell, but recently she found herself keeping further and further inside the borders. This was partly due to the orcs more pronounced presence there, but it was also because she had realised how little revenge satisfied her now.

Now she was sitting on a tree branch watching her brother and Glorfindel. She found herself watching her family more and more these days. As if she could live a normal life through them. She had always thought of Glorfindel as family, even before he and Erestor admitted their feelings for one another.

_TA1975_

_Athriel was on her way to meet the twins before she realised she had forgotten the book she intended to bring. With a sigh she turned back and went back into her room. The room was a mess. Frantically she searched the shelves, where had she left it. Elrohir had lent it to her as a distraction while Glorfindel was away. She had finished it quickly and now that he was beck she intended to return the much loved tome. Unfortunately she couldn't find it. It wasn't in her sitting room or in the bedroom. Wait, hadn't she been reading it in Erestor's rooms? She had spent as much time with her brother as possible recently._

_With a sigh she opened the connecting door. "Erestor have you seen..." She stopped as the two elves on the sofa in front of her jumped. "Athriel?" Erestor shrieked "I thought you were out for the night?" Athriel smirked at the two half clad elves in front of her. Erestor was trying to hide himself under the blanket that draped the rather small and intimate piece of furniture while Glorfindel sat with his head in his hands. _

_Athriel spotted the book she was looking for on the mantel piece. She picked it up and waved it, her smirk still in place. "I forgot my book" With that she turned to leave, but stopped at the door. "Oh and Erestor" she turned back to them. "Have fun"_

_Athriel laughed her way all the way to the twins' rooms. As she opened the door she yelled to Elladan. "Elladan you owe me a new knife in our wager." He raised an eyebrow as she sat down handing the book to his brother. "Which wager is this?" Athriel laughed picking up her wine glass. "Just wait till you hear what I just walked in on..."_

As the two elves made their way through the gardens and back inside Athriel noticed Estel and the twins leaving the stables. "Where is the grey pilgrim sending you now?" Estel sighed as he mounted the horse. "To Bree. I am to meet the hobbits there." The twins nod and ready their own steeds. "What are you doing?" Estel asked. "We are going with you of course." Estel raised an eyebrow. "Ada has an errand for us elsewhere but we can come with you as far as the greenway at least.

Athrana's ears pricked. Something important was happening. There had been a lot of movement to and from the Elven Valley recently. That combined with the increased enemy activity worried her. As the three made their way out of Rivendell Athrana followed close behind.


	7. Our Farewell

Note: The extracts here are from 'Our Farewell' and 'Hand of Sorrow' by Within Temptation. I have translated them (as best I could as my grammer is terrible) into Quenya. I will put the English at the bottom of the page.

- PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 7- Namariemma (Our Farewell)

TA3018, September

Athrana followed Estel and the twins until they made their last camp before separating. In the morning Estel would go one way and the twins another. She fell asleep listening to them talk quietly and watching the fire down below.

When she awoke it was to the sound of Humming. "What is the tune you sing Elrohir. I often hear you humming the tune but I have never heard the words." Estel had awoken at the sound as well. "It is nothing" Elrohir shrugged. "Please Roh, would you sing it in full. I have heard the tune often when we are in the wild together." Elladan stretched sitting next to his twin. "He sings it often whether you are there or not Estel" Elladan explained.

Estel however would not give up. Athrana sat up straighter in the branches. She had often wondered at the song. Once upon a time she would often listen to Elrohir sing. She missed it. Down below the twins were having a silent conversation. Finally Elrohir nodded.

"Mi cambënya nyárë mi rín

Polnye hlarldë yello essenya

Polnye har cenldë alassë

Tenya lyë appa lauca

Anata tassë erressë quiloe si

Har i er melnya

Na si namáriëmma

Ni úsanwë sin ré tulsie rato

Vet úharya lume ana quetnamárië

Manaen polambar lelya or

Ni tenya sie vanwa irë le usisse asnya

Anata tassë erressë quiloe si

Har i er melnya

Na si namáriëmma

Si na úmma namárië"*

Athrana closed her eyes and leant back. Why did everything have be so difficult. She wasn't stupid she could remember when she had first heard Elrohir humming the tune. She had seen the way Elladan would sulk whenever he heard it. "It's about her isn't it?" Estel asked. If Athrana could have run then she would have. But she couldn't. Instead she sat there watching Elrohir avoid Estel's eye. "It doesn't matter" Elladan stood up suddenly and Athrana let out the breath she was holding. Good old predictable Elladan. He picked up their packs and nudged Elrohir until he stood. "We had better be going"

As they left Athrana couldn't help but whisper after them.

"Ani apsenë an i nyérë

An oantë le mi caurë

An i olórie vet maurë quilole

Tana ilye te níra oi ná

Ni níra ná i er ana anga le

Nan le níra la ce tana t ná ani"**

It hadn't been her best idea but she couldn't help it. Estel had stood when he heard the voice whispering on the wind. She had forgotten he was there if she was being honest. "Who is there? Show yourself" Athrana sat still amongst the branches but Estel wasn't about to give in. Not now that everything had actually clicked into place for him. "Athriel?"

Athrana jumped down from the branches but kept the hood close about her face. "Athriel is dead" She turned to walk away hoping that he would leave things as they were. Unfortunately it wasn't her lucky day. "Wait. I know who you are." She spun around. "No you don't" He moved closer to her and she took a step back. "You are Athriel, why else would you follow them." She took another step back. "I am Athrana. I hunt yrch. That's all" She moved to leave again but he grabbed the edge of her cloak. "Wait, they deserve to know." The hood fell away from her face and Estel stumbled back in shock. Athrana stared back at him defiantly. "Do you still think they need to know. Do you want to be the one to tell them where I have been all these years. What I've been doing. Where I got these" He shook his head. "What happened?" he asked but he had already figured it out.

*In English:

In my hands a legacy of memories. I can hear you say my name. I can almost see your smile. Fell the warmth of your embrace. But there is nothing but silence now. Around the one I love. Is this our Farewell. I Never thought this day would come so soon. We had no time to say goodbye. How can the world just carry on? I feel so lost when you are not at my side. But there is nothing but silence now. Around the one I love. Is this our Farewell? This is not our farewell

**In English:

Forgive me for the sorrow. For leaving you in fear. For the dreams we had to silence. That's all they'll ever be. I will be the way to save you. Though you won't see that it is me.


	8. The Shadow

Note: Hi just thought I should mention that I am assuming an elven majority at 50. So at 14 Athriel would be about the equivalent of 5yrs old. When she arrived in Rivendell at 4 she would have been about 18months old.

Also just a small side note. When I wrote chapter 2 I suddenly had a supernatural quote running through my head. As I wrote it I heard the ghost in the first episode. "I can never go home". When it came to this chapter I kept hearing Jessica Rabbit "I hit him over the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk of my car, so he wouldn't get hurt"

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 8- The Shadow

TA3018, September

Athrana rushed through the tree-tops. She hadn't wanted to let the twins get too far ahead of her, but she had had to explain herself to Estel. At least long enough to make him promise not to reveal her presence. Now she had to make up the distance between herself and her old friends. Luckily as they had been on horseback they had not been difficult to track. And unlike her they had been stopping at night to rest. One advantage Athrana had found she possessed in her new life was her incredible endurance.

Elladan and Elrohir stopped and checked their map. All day they had been riding around the lands between Bree and the Misty mountains. **"This looks like a good place to stop Elladan" **Elrohir said as he retrieved his bags to make camp. Elladan nodded still looking at the map. **"This has been happening for 80yrs now. Why does Ada want to look into this now?"** Elrond had sent them to investigate the orc massacres occurring closer and closer to the borders of Rivendell. Elrohir shrugged. **"There have been more and more of them recently. Maybe he's worried they are getting too close."**

Athrana watched as they spoke to one another in their minds. She could always tell when they were doing that, but it didn't help her figure out what they were doing. They had been travelling around the wilderness for days now and she had no idea what they were doing. Elladan finally put the map down and she grinned. That was it. The map. He had been referring to it as they went along.

_TA145_

_Athriel crept through the trees towards the balcony. She was 14yrs old and had been in Rivendell for a decade now. She loved it here. She spent her days in lessons with her best friends, the twins Elladan and Elrohir. Now it was the middle of the night and she had snuck out her room to torment them. Quietly she climbed onto the balcony and snuck into the room. She walked past the bed and smiled at the sight. The twins were lying in their bed curled around each other. Once she had made her way through to the sitting room she closed the door quietly. Now she just had to find them. Luckily the twins weren't usually very organised. So sitting on the coffee table between the two sofas sat their circlets. Their mother had sat them out somewhere obvious so that they would not forget to put them on for their birthday. Athriel picked up the elaborate mithril decorations and put them into the bag over her shoulder and left the way she had come._

_The next morning Athriel woke to Erestor's screaming voice. "Athriel! Athriel get in here now!" Wiping the rest of the sleep from her eyes she shuffled through the connecting door. "Morning Erestor" she said yawning. But her brother just stood there with his arms crossed and his foot tapping on the floor. "Where are they?" Athriel tried to look as innocent as possible. "Where are what?" Erestor sighed and turned his attention to the door of his rooms. Athriel followed his line of sight and smiled sweetly. "Good morning Lady Celebrian" The lady laughed and turned to the young elf. "The twins need their circlets Athriel. They can't go to the party if they aren't properly dressed" The elfling laughed. "And if they don't go to the party there won't be a party." Athriel's face dropped. "Alright she sighed and went to retrieve them. She had only meant it as a joke. They had been bragging about their party for weeks so she had wanted to play a trick on them._

Athrana unrolled the map up in the trees and tried to shake off her memories of the past. Looking at the map did that instantly. Each spot the twins had visited in the past few days was marked clearly with a red dot, a date and a number. On the bottom of the map was a short note from Elrond instructing them to look out for whatever was causing these unusual deaths. Athrana closed her eyes. Elrond knew. Of course he knew. She should have known he would. Elrond was the lord of the elven valley. He knew what happened throughout his land. He must have known something was wrong the first time she crossed the borders. And now he had sent them to go and look for her. Well she wasn't going to let that happen.

There was only one problem, already she could feel the orcs approaching. Ever since she had become what she was she had been able to feel them whenever they were close. She could feel them now; they would be here within a few hours. From experience she knew that as soon as she saw them the poison in her blood would take over. Then she would have very little control over what she did. It was a compulsion ripping them apart. She couldn't help it. But this time the twins were sitting a few feet away. They would spot her, and they would recognise her no matter how much she had changed.

She could leave. They were phenomenal warriors, they always had been. But that would go against every instinct in her body. No she couldn't leave them, but she could stop them getting in the way. Silently she crept round behind them as they sat looking into the fire and knocked them out.

Elladan woke first. The first thing he noticed was that he was lying across the back of his brother in a heap of their bags. Slowly he sat up rubbing his head. **"Roh?" **Elrohir stirred and sat up. **"What happened?" **Elrohir shrugged. **"I don't know Dan. What are we doing here?" **Looking around Elladan realised that they were in a small cavern he knew to be not far from where they had made camp. Together they made their way out into the open air to look around. Their horses were huddled next to the cave entrance but that wasn't what they saw first. Littered all over the ground were the corpses of what looked to be hundreds of orcs in thousands of pieces.


	9. At the Ford

Note: This chapter includes the appearance of Nariel, daughter of Radagast the Brown and granddaughter of Beorn the Bear man. Her story is told in 'Nariel the Red'

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 9- Glorfindel at the Ford

TA3018, October

Athrana sat watching the water flowing past. This was one of her favourite places to sit. By the ford just watching the water. She justified it to herself as it was the main road in and out of the valley but really she was here to watch the water. She felt guilty for knocking the twins out and leaving them to wake up confused in the cavern, but in a way it felt like old times. As the years went by she missed her old life more and more but it was also harder to go back. She couldn't just give in. She was doing this for them. All of them in Rivendell. It was better for them to think her dead than to know the truth. That was the thought she held on to when she felt her resolve slipping. It was better this way.

"Noro lim, noro lim Asfaloth!" She knew that voice. Athrana's head snapped up to see Glorfindel's horse Asfaloth rush towards the water with a small creature on its back. The great white horse galloped past her and over the water pursued by the Nazgul. But she didn't see this. All she could see was the hobbit on the horses back. For some reason she was drawn to him. He had something of great power with him. Before she could get to him however there was a rush of water. The black riders screeched as they turned to face a wall of fire.

Athrana watched in awe as a woman she had never seen stepped towards them engulfed in flames. The Nazgul panicked and charged into the rushing water. Estel and Glorfindel stood at the water's edge waiting for it to subside but Athrana was watching the woman. The fire had vanished now and she was swaying. She is going to collapse; she thought and jumped down just in time to catch her as she passed out.

"Athrana" She looked up to see Estel standing in front of her. Glorfindel turned around. Estel had kept his promise and used her new name, but the elf-lord was not fooled, even with her face hidden by her heavy cloak. How could he be? He had helped to raise her, first as her brothers friend and then as his mate. He had brought her to Rivendell when she was 4yrs old. He had been the one she would run to for protection when she had made Erestor angry. He would know her anywhere. "Athriel?"

_TA138_

_Glorfindel looked up hearing a knock on his door. Who could it be at this time? He walked to the door and opened it a crack. Looking out he couldn't see anyone so he opened the door wider. "Glorfindel?"He looked down to see a small elfling rubbing her eyes. "Athriel?" He knelt down in front of her so they were eye to eye. "What did you do this time sweetheart?" she shook her head. "I didn't do anything Glorfindel honestly." He looked at her disbelieving. She huffed. "Alright, maybe I coloured in one of the boring old books on Erestor's desk" Glorfindel laughed and picked her up. "Alright, you can hide in here with me."_

Athrana turned to Estel still holding the unconscious woman. "She is out cold. If we can get her to the other side there are border guards waiting." Coming out of his memories Glorfindel realised he was being ignored. "Athriel? Look at me" She continued forward with the intention of carrying the unconscious woman across the water but Glorfindel stood in front of her. He took Nariel away from her and handed her to Estel. "Estel get Nariel and the hobbits to safety. I'll see you in Rivendell." Then he turned back to her. "Athriel..." But she interrupted him. "My name is not Athriel, it is Athrana." She made to move past him but he wouldn't let her. "Look at me Athriel, you cannot fool me, you owe me that much."

She did, she owed him so much. He had always been there to fight her corner, to let Erestor know when he was being overprotective, to let her have her own life. "Athriel?" But she refused to look him in the eye. He grabbed her shoulders to hold her facing towards him. "I can't Glorfindel please." He let her go and she slumped to the ground. "We mourned you. He still mourns you" He could barely hear her when she spoke. "I know" He knelt down in front of her. "Why didn't you come home" She kept her head down. "I couldn't" She sounded so young. "He needs to see you" But that made her angry. She stood up quickly and pushed him away. "Does he? Does he really Glorfindel?" She pulled the hood back and away from her face. "Does he need to see me like this?"

Glorfindel stepped forward but she shied away from him. He wasn't surprised. He knew how she had gotten those scars; he could see the poison running through her veins. But underneath all that she was still Athriel. "How long did they have you?" She shrugged. "I'm not sure. It's all so blurred. The best guess I can make is about 5yrs" Glorfindel pulled him into a hug and held her head to his shoulder. "Oh Athriel." And she cried. For the first time in 80yrs she cried.

Finally she pulled back and Glorfindel wiped her face but she looked down at her feet. "You can't tell him Glorfindel please." He closed his eyes. "I have to Athriel" She moved away from him and started to pace. "Not yet... I... I couldn't... I'm not..." He stopped her. "Shh. It's alright. I won't say anything, ok. But you have to." She nodded. "I will, but not yet."


	10. Plans

Note: This chapter includes the appearance of Nariel, daughter of Radagast the Brown and granddaughter of Beorn the Bear man. Her story is told in 'Nariel the Red'

Again, not a very long chapter. This hasn't actually got anything to do with my health this time (although it still isn't good) and more to do with the way the way the chapter plan has worked out.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 10- Plans

TA3018, October

Aragorn walked with Legolas to his rooms before going out into the gardens. He couldn't believe that his friend was so blind. After only a few minutes in Mirkwood with the two of them, Legolas and Nariel, he had known there was something between them. If only he could think of a way to prove this to the elf.

"Estel?" Aragorn turned to see Glorfindel behind him. "I need to talk to you" The Balrog slayer did not wait for an answer however, just indicated for Aragorn to follow him into one of the empty rooms. Once the door was shut behind them Glorfindel leant heavily against the wall. "When?" For once in his long life the golden lord looked exhausted, defeated. "Since Bree" Aragorn answered knowing exactly what he meant. Since that moment he had worried about what to tell the twins, or Erestor, somehow he had forgotten about Glorfindel. The lord had always been the strong one. Now the man could see that it was all an act, He had been strong for his mate, letting Erestor break down.

Glorfindel ran his hands over his face. When he looked up again Aragorn could see the conflicting emotions on his face. "What will you do?" the eldar asked. "I promised I wouldn't say anything." The elf nodded. "As did I. She isn't ready to come home yet." Glorfindel couldn't keep up with his own thoughts. He had been ecstatically happy to see Athriel alive, but that had been followed swiftly by the realisation of what had happened to her. He had agreed to keep her secret only to realise how hard that would actually be in practice. He should be upset that Estel had known before him but he was just glad to have someone to talk to. "To be honest Estel, I don't know what to do."

Aragorn sighed. This was a new experience, him giving Glorfindel advice. "I don't think there is anything you can do. She won't come home until she is ready, and until she does I doubt they will believe that she is alive. All we can do is try to make her see that she wants to come back." Glorfindel nodded. "When did you get so wise Estel?" he asked grinning. The man shrugged. "You've been giving me advice for years; it's about time some of it wore off on me."

After leaving Glorfindel to take out some of his anxiety on the training field, Aragorn sat out on the steps to the courtyard. He needed to think. First of all there was the problem of convincing Athriel to come back, but there was also Legolas and his self denial to deal with. Aragorn looked up when he heard hoof beats and grinned. He might just be able to kill two birds with one stone.

""Estel!"" The twins greeted in unison. "What are you doing out here on the front steps?" Elrohir laughed before Elladan continued their thoughts. "Surely you aren't here to greet us, we aren't expected back until tomorrow" Aragorn grinned. "No you are not expected, but I am pleased to see you none the less. I have a favour to ask."

Meanwhile Glorfindel was taking out his frustrations on a straw filled orc. Despite the now late hour and the darkness he felt he needed to get rid of his anger and anxiety before he could go back to the rooms and faced Erestor "Do I really make you that angry?" A voice asked from the trees. He looked up but couldn't see anything amongst the leaves. "Where are you?" he asked, barely believing that Athriel could hide so well. "I'm here" she said pulling her hood back and moving slightly out of the shadows, but she didn't leave the tree. Somehow it would have been better if she had stayed hidden. Talking to her disembodied voice was a lot easier than looking at her face. It wasn't just the scars; it was the look in her eyes. She looked so worried, so scared and so quiet. It was difficult to reconcile this broken creature with the child he had helped raise. In his memories she was always smiling, no matter what happened she was the positive one making jokes and laughing.

"You didn't answer my question" she accused watching him pack up his weapons. "Yes!" he shouted. "I mean no. I mean I don't know." He slumped down at the base of the tree. "I'm still in shock" he conceded. She dropped down next to him. "I'm sorry Glorfindel." He pulled her to rest her head on his shoulder. "It's alright Athriel. I just wish you had come back to us when you escaped. Or..." She pulled back. "Or that I'd tell him now." He nodded. "I can't, not yet"


	11. Glorfindel

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 11- Glorfindel

TA3018, October

Glorfindel looked up at the stars as he made his way back to his rooms. It was late, very late; hopefully Erestor would be asleep already so he wouldn't have to explain himself. He stopped with his hand on the door. This was ridiculous; he had never lied to Erestor in all the centuries they had known each other, could he really start now? Was it lying if he didn't ask? Glorfindel shook his head. No that was a stupid thought; a lie of omission was still a lie. But he had promised and what good would it be to tell Erestor now, when she wasn't ready to come home?

He opened the door and stepped into the dark sitting room, their sitting room. The bedroom door was open and even in the gloom Glorfindel could make out the outline of his mate under the blankets. Was it fair to let him continue believing she was dead, when he knew she was out there? Or was he protecting him from the truth? How would Erestor react if he found out what she had been through? No, not if, when. She would come home one day. She had to, he couldn't keep her secret forever and he had no intention to. Estel had been right; they would find a way to get her to come back. It was where she belonged. But where did that leave him now? Glorfindel opened the cupboard by the fireplace and pulled out the crystal decanter he knew was there. The action sent him back into his memories to a similar night 85 yrs ago.

_TA2933_

_Glorfindel had been on the training grounds with some of the new recruits when Elrond came to find him. He had looked up and been surprised to see the lord of the valley striding towards him looking worried. He dismissed his students and joined Elrond half way across the field. "What has happened?" he asked concern obvious on his face. It took a lot to unsettle Elrond and Glorfindel knew he wasn't going to like whatever it was that had upset him. "I need you to come with me, there's... something happened..." There was a pause as he took a deep breath. "It's Athriel. They were attacked near the borders. She didn't make it." Glorfindel's brain stuttered. This couldn't be happening. "Does Erestor know?" he asked finally. Erestor had intended to meet his sister in the courtyard like always._

_Glorfindel watched as Elrond stood beside Erestor. He kept back as long as he could as Elrond had suggested intending to get Erestor back inside before explaining what the Gwanûn had told him. When his mate crumpled onto the floor Glorfindel couldn't hold back any longer. He ran down the steps and picked up the smaller elf, holding him to his chest. "I'm going to take him back to our rooms." Elrond nodded. "I'll get you both some tea, to help you sleep" Glorfindel nodded silently and started walking slowly back indoors._

_Glorfindel didn't drink the tea Elrond handed him although he made sure Erestor did. He didn't want to sleep, not yet. Instead he sat staring into the unlit fireplace with a drink in one hand._

"Glorfindel, is something wrong?" His head snapped around nearly causing him to drop the glass he held. This was it, if he was going to say something it would have to be now. Could he do it? Erestor had been grieving for 85yrs, and little by little the loss had become easier for both of them. There was still a huge hole inside both of them, but it had become easier to bare. Erestor had found some kind of peace in the knowledge that his sister was safe. _"Glorfindel, tell me about the halls again."_ He had asked that so often, it was his safety blanket, the reassurance that she was in a place of healing, that he would see her again in the undying lands happy and content. Could he shatter that illusion so easily? It would only take a couple of words and the shield Erestor kept up would break into tiny pieces. "No nothing's wrong Erestor." He stood up and made his way through to the bedroom leaving behind a very confused advisor.


	12. Near Breaking

Note: Nariel appears in this chapter. Her story can be found in 'Nariel the Red'. Chapter 20 of 'Nariel the Red' (called 'Flirting') corresponds directly to this chapter and shows the event through the eyes of Nariel and Legolas.

This is my second attempt at chapter 12, which I have been having difficulty with. I think the problem is I have been using Chapter 20 of Nariel as a reference. As a result it came out too much like Nariel which is not as dark as Athrana. I have been trying to get back into writing after being ill for a long time and obviously this was not up to standard. Eventually today I ended up deleting the entire thing and starting again.

In reference to people's questions yesterday, yes I uploaded the wrong chapter. The chapter here before was chapter 12 of 'The Weapon' a SPN fanfic I am also writing. In my muddled state I managed to upload the wrong chapter 12.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 12- Near Breaking

TA3018, October

Athrana blinked in the sunlight that seemed far too bright. Everything seemed brighter than it should be recently. It worried her that over the last few years her tolerance to the sun had been decreasing. She much preferred moving about in twilight or in full darkness if she could.

She blinked a couple more times trying to pull herself further into the limited shadow of the trees. She had been gone for a couple of days, although it felt a lot longer. She still had a job to do out there; she couldn't stay in valley all the time. No that was a lie. She had fled, fled to the borders and beyond looking for something to kill. Looking for a reminder of who she was now, the monster she was now, rather than who she used to be. The conversation with Glorfindel on the training grounds had nearly broken her. She missed him, she missed all of them. She always had. If she had stayed any longer she would have given in, she knew that. Her latest little tip had given her the reminder she needed.

Aragorn moved as quietly as he could through the gardens after his foster brothers. He knew his little trick was going to work on Legolas, but Athriel he wasn't so sure. He didn't even know if she was in Rivendell.

Athrana caught movement and watched as a bear ran across her vision. The creature stopped and turning into a woman sat back against a tree and started to read. It was the same woman she had seen at the ford. The one she had caught as she collapsed. Nariel they had called her. This woman had caused her to break her cover. That was another reason she had had to go hunting. In all the years she had been hiding in the shadows she had never been so stupid before. She had come so close to giving in that day, so close to coming home. But she couldn't. She couldn't do that to them. It was bad enough that Glorfindel knew.

She wasn't blind, she could see what the realisation was doing to him and it scared her. How could she do the same to Erestor and the twins? The answer was simple, she couldn't. And there they were. Elladan and Elrohir were approaching the woman with smiles on their faces and each carrying a bottle of wine. She watched quietly as they sat down next to Nariel and offered her a drink.

Athrana turned her face to the sun. See, she thought. See how much you hate the sunlight now. See how different you are to when you left. You can't go home now. You have to stay in the shadows. That's who you are now, the monster that stalks the darkness.

_The blood covered her, dripping from her claw like fingers and filling her mouth as she ripped the bodies to pieces. She laughed as the creatures shrieked and screamed. The adrenaline pumped quickly through her veins alongside the poison. This was it; this was when she felt alive, when she could feel them die. When she could feel the life slip from them leaving only their bloody corpses. This was who she was._

Opening her eyes Athrana noticed that the twins were now alone. In the distance she could see the woman and the prince of Mirkwood arguing. That had been too close, far too close and she knew who was behind it. She watched as Estel approached his brothers.

Aragorn left his Elven kin to sit by the river. He had achieved one thing at least, Legolas had finally admitted his feelings for the female wizard, but he had not seen Athriel. "What exactly did you hope to achieve?" Aragorn spun around. So she had been there. "I was only trying to help my friend realise his feelings" he replied.

Athrana scoffed. "I'm sure that's it." She said sarcastically. He grinned. "It made you angry didn't it?" No, no it didn't she thought but she knew that was a lie. "You didn't like to see them flirting with her" She laughed. "I've been watching them seduce unsuspecting maidens for centuries Estel. It's hardly new"

Aragorn could see the anger growing in her eyes but he could see something else as well. "I doubt you liked it much then either" Suddenly he was shoved against a nearby tree. "Stop this Estel, it's not going to work" she hissed through clenched teeth. "I struck a nerve then" He said trying to hide the sudden fear he felt. He had not forgotten the piles of bodies he had often found amongst the trees, the limbs scattered around like confetti.

She stopped. She had seen the fear on his face. Taking a deep breath she let him go and stood back. This was Estel, little two-year old Estel, the mortal she had given her life to protect. "Why are you doing this?" she asked. The fear faded as she calmed. "You've been coming back here for years Athriel. Why" She ignored the question. "Athriel is dead!" she shouted instead. He shook his head. "If she is as dead as you claim, then why do you still watch them?"


	13. Running

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 13- Running

TA3018, October

Athrana ran as fast as she could. She had to get away. She had been spending far too much time in Rivendell recently. Her control was slipping and she couldn't let that happen. She had fought too hard to give up now; she had given up too much. Now she ran through the trees trying to out run her thoughts. _"You've been coming back here for years Athriel. Why"_ No _"Athriel is dead!"_ I can't go back. I can't. _"If she is as dead as you claim, then why do you still watch them?"_ Because I have to. Because it's my job. Because it's the only thing I can do. She stopped suddenly when she reached the water's edge. Because... Because... they make me feel almost normal.

Athrana looked down into the water. She hated the face that looked back at her. She wasn't normal, she would never be normal again. She had to stay away for a while, away from normality and the memories that plagued her. She wasn't that elf anymore. Athriel was dead and she needed to stay that way. There was another reason to stay away. There were those in Rivendell who knew she was alive and she didn't know how long they would keep their secret. Estel in particular seemed determined to make her reveal herself, and Glorfindel. She sighed. She should not have let him see her.

TA 3018, November

Glorfindel stood in the doorway with the key in his hand. What was he doing? This was madness. If Erestor came home and found him in here he would know for sure there was something wrong. He never came in here, never. The only time he ever ventured into Athriel's old room was when he had to retrieve his grieving mate. Everything sat just as it had always done. Everything in its place, exactly the way she had left it as she rushed off to join the twins on their errand. He didn't know what he had expected. Maybe a little thing out of place, some evidence that she had come here. That she had needed some small thing from her old life. No, everything was the same.

Slowly the Lord of the Golden Flower stepped over the threshold and shut the door quietly behind him. It had been two weeks since he had seen Athriel on the training grounds. Two weeks and he had heard nothing. She wasn't in Rivendell, he knew that. Soon Elladan and Elrohir would be leaving. They would be among the scouts sent out to clear the way for the Fellowship. Glorfindel was glad. He had been avoiding them these last few days.

Erestor made his way slowly through the corridors. Every now and then he would stop and will himself forward. Something was wrong. Something had been wrong for weeks now. Ever since he had woken to find Glorfindel sitting in front of the fire, with a drink in his hand. He had to find out what was going on, but he was afraid to ask. It was strange to see his mate like this, so distracted and distant, so depressed. All these years he had been the strong one, Erestor's rock to keep him steady. Suddenly it was as if everything had switched. Maybe that's all it was. Maybe it was the Advisors turn to be the strong one. For 85years Glorfindel had kept him going, now it was his turn. The only problem was, Erestor didn't think he was ready to be the strong one.

Elrohir just stood looking at his sword lying next to his brothers on the bed. They were packing for their journey. It had been a strange couple of weeks. Everyone seemed to be behaving oddly. First there was Estel. They had done what he had asked, but somehow the mortal's happiness had seemed fake. The whole idea of their ruse had been to spark Legolas into action, but Estel had seemed as if his plans had failed. Then there was Glorfindel. They hadn't really seen him since they're return from the wild and Elrohir couldn't think of anything they could have done to offend him.

"**You are being paranoid brother" **Elladan walked in from the sitting room and picked up his sword. **"You are thinking the same as I am Dan, do not deny it."** Elrohir replied mentally as he picked up his own sword. **"I am not denying it Roh. You just over analyse everything" **Elladan walked back out of the room his point made. **"And you pretend your problems don't exist, and then go into a huff when you are proven wrong. Something is amiss and ignoring it will not make it go away. We have to talk to him."**

Glorfindel spun around as he heard the door open. "What is going on Findel?" Erestor stood in the doorway trying to look supportive but failing miserably, he looked terrified. "Nothing Res, honestly" The advisor took a deep breath. "No, it's not anything. Something's wrong. I know it is, don't lie to me." Glorfindel opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. "I... eh... It's just" he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring Erestor down into the pit with him. "It's just I've never really been in here on my own." It wasn't a lie, not really. But it wasn't exactly the truth either. Erestor smiled slightly. "I didn't give you a chance to grieve did I Fin?" The warrior relaxed and opened his arms to give Erestor a hug.

"**See Roh, you were over thinking it" **The twins stood just out of view watching the two embrace. **"It is still a problem Dan. Not only will Erestor continue avoiding us, now Glorfindel will start doing so." **Leaning heavily on one another they made their way back to their quarters. **"I wish she was here" "Me too"**


	14. Understanding

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 14- Understanding

TA3018, December

Elrond stood silently watching until the last of the fellowship disappeared from sight. The valley had been uneasy the last couple of months and he didn't think it was entirely due to the rings presence. Something had changed, something was missing and he knew what it was. Athriel had left and not been back. Even his son's recent trip into the wilds had not brought her out of hiding. The lord of the valley was in two minds about the situation. Firstly he understood her need to keep hidden. He understood what she was trying to do, how she was attempting to protect her brother and the twins. But he also knew that she wasn't doing herself any good. He had left things be for a long time, keeping the truth from his oldest friends and from his own children. Something had to be done.

He was also sure that he wasn't the only one to know the secret. Glorfindel had been acting strangely ever since he had brought the hobbits out of the wild. It was as if he was grieving for the first time. There was only one thing that could trigger such a response in the great slayer. He had seen Athriel. There seemed to be no other explanation. Of all the elves in Imladris Glorfindel was the only one to have experienced death. He knew firsthand the peace that could be found in the Halls of Mandos. It would be more painful for him to learn that the elf he loved as a daughter was not there. Or more specifically that she had suffered so much and was still tormented by her ordeal.

Suddenly his mind was filled with memories of his dear wife, Celebrian, who had wished for death so many times while he tried to save her. She had even begged him to kill her, but he couldn't do it. Eventually he had sent her over the sea so that she could find peace there.

_TA 2509_

_Elrond held his wife's hand tightly as pleaded weakly from the bed. "Please Elrond please. I can't go on. Please." He couldn't speak looking at the broken creature in front of him. Was it possible this was the same Celebrian he had married? Her wounds had been washed and treated, the poison leeched from her body but still she was in so much pain._

""_Ada"" He spun around. Two identical faces stood in the doorway. They had hardly left their mother's side these last few weeks. He could see how exhausted they were even now, when they had been forced to rest by their friend. Athriel had dragged them away from her for their own good so many times Elrond had lost count._

_He stood quickly. "Could you stay with your mother a moment boys... I ... I have to... I will be back in a moment." He practically ran from the room. He knew what he had to do. He had been putting it off for so long. Taking a deep breath he sat down behind his desk and wrote a letter to Cirdan. It was time Celebrian had peace once again._

"My lord?" Elrond opened his eyes but didn't turn around. How was he going to do this? How was he even going to broach the subject? "Elrond you asked to see me" He sighed. "Yes Glorfindel. I wanted to speak to you about something. Would you come to my office?" Together they walked silently through the corridors each thinking their own thoughts. When they finally reached the door Elrond opened it wide for his friend but still didn't say anything. Glorfindel walked in and sat down in front of the large desk. "What's wrong Elrond? You're starting to worry me"

"I am worried as well my friend" Elrond started. "And I know not where to begin" Glorfindel sat a little straighter in his seat. "What worries you" Elrond didn't sit down behind his desk; instead he sat on its edge so that he was directly in front of the golden slayer. "I have a lot of worries Glorfindel but at the moment my concern is for you" Glorfindel fidgeted in his seat. "You have no reason to be worried over me, I'm fine" Elrond raised an eyebrow. "No you're not and I am not the only one who has noticed it. Erestor seems still to believe that your odd behaviour is due to your delayed mourning, but I am not buying it. I think the only reason that Erestor still believes your story is because he does not wish to consider the possibility that you are hiding something from him." Glorfindel opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but could not think of anything to say. "Now I know you well my friend and can think of only one reason you would be keeping something from your mate. So tell me how long have you known she was alive?"

Glorfindel closed his eyes. So it was as he suspected. Elrond knew the truth and had probably had known for a long time. Suddenly so many things made sense. The strange remains so close to Rivendell, Elrond's reluctance to look into them until recently. "The question seems to be how long have you known Elrond? And why did you keep it quiet?" Elrond sighed and moved to look out of the window. "The same reason you do I presume" he said. "I don't want my sons to have to go through what I did, or Erestor. But we can't keep this quiet for much longer. She has not passed the borders recently and that worries me. I think perhaps she came too close to coming back. Her resolve is slipping and soon she'll have to decide whether she is going to stay away forever or come back home."

Glorfindel stood and walked over to the window so that they stood side by side. "What should I do Elrond? I am at a loss." He shrugged. "We can do nothing. We have to hope that at some point she comes back here and then we can try our hardest to convince her to reveal herself."


	15. Temptation of the dark

Note: I know it's a short chapter, but don't worry the next one will be up soon. And hopefully I will be back to my rapid posting in a couple of days. I usually have very detailed notes for each chapter, the last couple and the next few however I have been writing almost blind. Once I get back to the more detailed notes I should be able to write a lot faster. I also intend to update Nariel some more as soon both 'Athrana' and 'Nariel the Red' will be taking place on the same time scale.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 15- Temptation of the dark

TA3018, December

Athrana watched as the fellowship left the valley. She had been trying to stay away for these last few weeks. It had been a hard task, especially when she had seen the twins leave on their scouting mission. Reluctantly she had let them go without following them. Instead she had done her best to keep the surrounding area free of the enemy.

She had another problem though at the moment. As the hobbit Frodo had walked past Athrana had experienced an over whelming urge to stop him. Something was calling to her and instinctively she knew what it was. There was a dark power surrounding the Halfling. A power that could mean only one thing. This tiny creature was the ring bearer. She had assumed as much while she had been watching the valley, but the dark pull confirmed it. She had a horrible urge to reach out and choke the life from the poor creature. Something deep and dark within her wanted to take the ring as her own.

Another instinct however warred within her. An instinct much older and more at home in her body. Her elven side recoiled from the ring. This was evil, pure evil and she didn't want it near her. She gripped the tree branch tightly as the group passed unsure which side would win. As they disappeared into the distance she breathed a sigh of relief.

This incident had been all the proof that she needed that there was a monster within her, though it also proved that the elf Athriel still lived. For long moments she pondered over which side was the more powerful. Did it matter? Was it enough that there was darkness inside her at all? Could she ever be whole enough to return home? And if she did would she be shunned by those she loved. Yes Glorfindel had accepted her and Estel had willed her to come home. But neither of them had seen the darkness. They had not seen what happened to her when she fought the orcs. Yes by now they would both have made the connection between her and the piles of corpses she created. But did they know what it meant. Did they realise how much it meant she had changed how much of the darkness there really was? How addicted she was to it?

Yes, that was the truth. What had started out as revenge had progressed over the years. As much as she hated it, and how it made her feel, she was addicted to the destruction she caused. She was addicted to the taste of their blood and the sound of their screams. How long would she be able to live without it if she went home? And what would happen when her family saw how much she needed it?

She needed advice, but she couldn't go to Rivendell to get it. She had to go somewhere else. Somewhere she could talk; to someone she knew and yet still maintain her distance from the valley. There was one elf she knew, one she trusted. He had helped her before such a long time ago. Helped her father when he finally felt the need to sail. She had only been a child the last time she had seen him, but she knew he could help now. And so she set off for the grey havens and for Cirdan.


	16. Cirdan

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 16- Cirdan

TA3019, January

Lord Cirdan sat as his desk catching up on some correspondence. In all his long years he had found that no matter what he did, he never had enough time to keep up with his paperwork. As lord of the Grey Havens it was his job to make sure those who came to him were ready to sail. He would council them as best he could, make sure they knew the choice they had made and were prepared for the journey. Sometimes it was a very difficult responsibility he held. He saw many who had been gravely injured; both physically and mentally and on days like that he often longed to be elsewhere. Often he would come back to his rooms exhausted, emotionally drained and in no mood for paperwork.

There was a knock on the door. Well, he thought, he would obviously not get any more done today. A servant popped his head around the door. "My Lord, there is someone here to see you." The old lord nodded putting away his quill. His duty came first. The young elleth who was ushered in sat down without removing the hood of her cloak. Then Cirdan knew this would be another difficult case. "Come now child you can remove your hood, you are safe here." She took a deep breath and sighed removing the cloak entirely and laying it over the chair. "I don't expect you to recognise me my lord. I have changed much in the long years since we have seen one another." Cirdan stood and walked slowly around his desk. "On the contrary Athriel, I see both your parents clearly in you."

The elleth deflated slightly as if she had hoped she would remain unknown. "I have still changed much my lord." He nodded. "That I can see. Will you tell me what happened?" For a long time he listened as she told her tale. Finally he sat back down and leant back. "Well I can see why you wish to sail." She smiled slightly at the idea. "No my lord, I do not wish to sail. I just need some advice." Cirdan grinned. "Good. From what you have told me I do not think that you would be ready to sail."

A best as she could Athrana tried to explain her dilemma. She knew she probably wasn't making much sense but once she started talking about her worries it was difficult to stop. "I don't know what to do." She ended finally her gaze straying to the window behind the older elf's desk. It was dark outside. "Are you not worried that I will write to Rivendell informing them that you still live?" she shook her head. "Lord Elrond I suspect already knows. And I have seen Glorfindel" He nodded. "What about your brother?" Her gaze snapped back to his. "You would not do that would you my lord?" He raised an eyebrow. "And why not? Does he not deserve to know?" She flinched. "It would hurt him Cirdan. I cannot do that to Erestor."

Cirdan grinned at her use of his name. Her guard was down; she had stopped hiding behind formality and might actually listen. "I am not as concerned over your brother Athriel. He is stronger than you think. I am worried about you. The longer you live apart from other elves, the more this darkness inside you will grow." He could see the fear clearly on her face and knew it was not only her fear of the darkness but also a fear of rejection. "I am not saying that you have to make yourself known to them right away. But you shouldn't keep yourself away from the Valley."

Athrana sat alone now in her room. Cirdan had insisted she stay for a few days to consider her options. She sat on her bed looking out of the window towards the sea. She could hear the waves crashing against the shore and the sound calmed her. Some elves were afraid of the sea, fearing they would not be able to resist its call, but Athrana was not worried. Sailing had never been an option. Not while those she cared about still lived in Arda. Yes her parents dwelled in Valinor, but she barely knew them. Her mother she could not remember at all and her father she remembered very little. Her family were in Rivendell, her real family.


	17. Respite

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 17- Respite

TA3019, February

Erestor looked down at the note again as he walked slowly from his office. It was worrying enough that Glorfindel was still acting strangely but now he had received a rather ominous note from his mate asking him to meet him in the gardens. Erestor glanced out of one of the windows as he passed. It was dark out, of course it was dark it was quite late. But why would Glorfindel want to meet him out in the gardens so late.

Taking a deep breath before he stepped outside, Erestor descended the steps into the gardens and made his way slowly towards the meeting place. As he approached he began to ring his hands. What was going on? With the way Glorfindel had been acting he couldn't imagine that there would be good news.

Erestor turned a corner and suddenly he saw Glorfindel. He was lying on a blanket staring up at the stars and beside him was a picnic basket. Erestor walked forward hesitantly. "What's going on Glorfindel?" The blonde warrior sat up grinning. "Sit down Res. I brought us a picnic." He said indicating the basket.

The advisor sat down on the blanket still confused. "What?..." Glorfindel didn't let him finish the question before he explained. "Erestor. I know I have been acting strange lately and I'm sorry. I haven't been the mate you deserve. It's just, this wave of grief hit me and I didn't know how to get past it." The entire time he spoke Glorfindel had been looking down at his hands as he tried to pick apart the blanket. Erestor grabbed his hand to make him stop. "But..." Glorfindel looked up staring him straight in the eye. "Erestor please, let me finish. I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I always have. I just haven't been very good at showing you lately."

Erestor smiled and it felt like the first time in a long time. Together they sat on the blanket sharing the food and looking up at the stars.

Meanwhile Athrana pulled the cloak tightly around her as she said goodbye to Cirdan. She had spent far longer than she had expected to here by the sea. Now she was ready to make her way back to Rivendell. She had no idea what she was going to do when she got there; she just knew she had to go. Even if she never actually came out of hiding she knew she had to be in the valley and near her family. As she came out of the gates she turned from the road and jumped up into the trees. It was time to go home.


	18. Persuasion

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 18- Persuasion

TA3019, February

Elrond sat at his desk for a long time thinking. He had just left Arwen packing. He had finally convinced her to sail but now he wondered whether it really was the best thing for her. Was he being selfish? He wanted her to be safe but he also wanted her to be happy. He knew she loved Estel, and Estel loved her. That was another problem. He loved the mortal like a son but he had easily chosen Arwen over him. It would be easy to justify the decision in terms of blood. Of course he would choose his only daughters safety over his foster child. But Estel was the last of his mortal kin. The last link he had to Elros, his dead brother. And in the end was he helping anyone? Everything was so complicated.

There was another problem. While he had been talking to his daughter he had felt someone cross the border. Athriel was back. When he had spoken to Glorfindel all those weeks ago he had promised himself that if she ever came back he would find a way to convince her to come out into the open. But now that it came to it... Suddenly he could think of all the reasons he shouldn't interfere. Erestor was only now beginning to get over his grief. Seeing her alive again would send him crashing back down. Elrond could only imagine what she had been through. Yes he could guess. She obviously believed that it was better for them all to think her dead. And when she had first crossed into the valley 80yrs ago he had felt the change in her. But she was still Athriel. He could feel that too.

Then there were his sons. How would they react to seeing her again? They still felt guilt over her death. What would it do to them to know she had been tortured after they left her? Could he hide the truth from them forever? Glorfindel knew now and everyday Elrond saw the battle going on within him. Was he being selfish again protecting his sons from an unpleasant truth?

Should he be thinking about them at all, his children and his friends? The truth was Athriel was alive. No matter how much easier it may have been she didn't die that day. Eventually everyone would find that out. What would it do to them all then? Shouldn't he be thinking about her well-being as well? She would never be able to heal out there in the wild away from her own kind. What must she be thinking out there on her own in the dark? And what must she think of him? Hadn't he encouraged her to stay hidden all these years? She was not simple, she knew the depth of knowledge he had over his own lands. She would know that he knew her secret. And in all this time he had not tried to communicate with her. He had not once called her on her actions. His silence was confirmation of her thoughts. Yes, you should stay hidden, you should stay away. It is better for you to be dead.

Wait he had tried once. Once on a whim he had tried to bring her out into the open. Not long ago he had sent the twins out on an errand to investigate the orc massacres. He had known then that things had to change. He had sent them out, hoping they would discover for themselves what was going on. But she had been too quick for them. Too determined to keep her secret. But now. Her control was slipping. How else could she have revealed her presence to Glorfindel? Maybe now he could make up for his past silence.

His decision made Elrond stood up and walked to the balcony. Time to do something. He took a deep breath and 80yrs overdue... "Athriel?" Nothing. The wind blows quietly through the trees, but there is no other movement. "Athriel. I know you are out there child. I need to speak with you." Still nothing, but he can feel her nearby. "Athriel. My daughter leaves for Valinor tomorrow. Does she not deserve to know that you do not await her there?" There, he had heard something then. Not from outside but from his own rooms, movement near the other window. Elrond turned around to see a figure wrapped up in a long dark cloak by one of the shelves.

Athrana grinned when she saw the doll sitting on the shelf. It had sat here for years in Elrond's study, ever since Arwen had out grown it. She reached up and pulled it down. It had been hers first. Celebrian had given it to her not long after she had arrived.

_TA 135_

_Athriel opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. It was different to the one she remembered. She turned her head. The room looked different to. She tried to remember where she was. Then she heard a voice. "My lady, what a wonderful surprise. Come in. Athriel is still asleep." Erestor. Now she remembered. She wasn't with her father anymore. He had gone. Now she lived with her brother Erestor in the big house. Glorfindel had brought her here on his horse the day before._

_Quietly she climbed down from the bed that was much too big for her. She cringed slightly as her feet touched the cold floor. She quickly found her slippers and walked over to the door. Slowly she pulled it open and stepped into her living room. There was the door through to her brother's room._

_The connecting door creaked as she opened it causing the two adults to look up. "Good morning Athriel." Erestor beamed. "Do you remember Lady Celebrian?" She nodded shyly. She remembered her from the night before. When she had met the twins. "Good morning Athriel. I brought you this." She handed Athriel a large doll with long black hair and a beautiful white dress. "Thank you" she said staring at it in wonder._

Elrond smiled. The doll had been given to them when Celebrian had been pregnant with the twins. As they were boys they had had no use for it until Athriel came along. "She was so excited about giving that to you. After seeing you that first night she rushed all round our rooms looking for it." Athrana put the toy back on its shelf. "It was never really meant for me" she said.

_TA241_

_Athriel rushed through the corridors until she reached her rooms. She bolted through the door and then proceeded to rip the room apart. Where was it, she had to find it. Finally she saw a small pink leg sticking out from a pile of old clothes. There it was. She pulled out the doll that seemed far smaller than she remembered and flattened down its hair. There._

_Sprinting she set off again down the corridor back the way she had come. Finally she reached the rooms belonging to Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrian. She opened the door and stood panting against the wall for a couple of seconds. "I found it" she proclaimed triumphantly. ""Found what?""The twins asked, not even looking up from where their mother sat holding their new baby sister. "The doll of course" Athriel laughed holding it up. Celebrian smiled softly. Elrohir walked over and snatched the doll away from her. "What this old thing? Come on Ree. I'm surprised it's still alive" She nudged him and took it back. "What's wrong with it?" Elladan stood on the other side of her and stole it a new. "Oh I remember this. Hey Roh, remember when we used to steal it and hide it up trees." They laughed together._

_Athriel rolled her eyes snatching it back. She looked down at the doll in her hands. The dress was still white just not as white as it had been originally and the hair was a bit tangled. "Maybe I should get her a new doll. It's just. I thought it should be hers." Celebrian smiled. "That's a wonderful idea Athriel. I think she'll love it."_

The doll had been Arwen's ever since. Athrana turned around. "What did you want to talk to me about?" She asked. She had no idea why she was here. She hadn't been inside the building since she left home all those years ago. And now here she was standing in Lord Elrond's office. "You cannot hide forever Athriel" She sighed. "I know"


	19. Arwen

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 19- Arwen

TA3019, February

Arwen opened the wardrobe and closed it again. She had already packed anything she needed from in there. It was hard to believe that she was really doing this, leaving. She had spent her whole life in this house, here and in Lothlorien with her grandparents. She had been born in this house, her and her brothers. She had met Aragorn here down by the river. She sighed. This couldn't be happening. She was such a coward, running off so that she wouldn't have to suffer his death. She consoled herself with the thought that he had sent her away, encouraged her to go. But she was still a coward.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard a knock at the door. Wait, that wasn't from the door. The noise was coming from the balcony. Slowly she walked towards the glass panelled door. There was someone out there. They were wearing a long dark cloak with the hood pulled up hiding they're face. There was a small dagger lying on the dressing table. Arwen picked it up and held it in her hand as she opened the door.

Suddenly the dagger was on the floor and the figure stood in front of her with the hood pulled back. She knew that face, and what's more there weren't many people who could knock a dagger out of Lady Arwen's hands. She had been trained by the best, they both had. "Athriel?" she couldn't believe it. "Athriel!"

Athrana ran forward and covered Arwen's mouth before she shouted any louder. "Shh! Arwen please!" She couldn't risk them being overheard. Not yet. She dropped her hand but Arwen grabbed it. She traced the dark blue lines. "What happened"? Athrana pulled her hand away and took a big step back. "Believe me, you don't want to know"

_TA 2933_

_The laughter rang through her head in the darkness. It was piercing sharp in her ears. She scrunched her eyes shut in a vain attempt to block out the noise. They laughed louder. They waited until she opened her eyes again before they brought out the knife again. She could see it clearly despite the darkness. Its blade was dull and edged with poison. Once again they slowly dragged it across her skin. She screamed through her tears and wished for death yet again._

"They told me you were dead." Athrana shook herself. She couldn't do this, not now. She had kept those memories at bay for so long, refusing to think of that time. She took a deep breath. "They think I am" She sat heavily on the bed. She had to keep herself together.

Arwen sat next to her confusion, written across her face. "But they saw you die." Athrana's head snapped up. Was that what they had told everyone? Of course they had. Maybe they even believed it now; it was so much easier to believe that. She had wished it enough times, but it wasn't the truth. "No they didn't, they were protecting Gilrean and Estel, they couldn't wait around, and they had to get back here, to safety"

Athrana watched the realisation spread across Arwen's face and wished she hadn't said anything. "They chose Aragorn over you?" the usually calm and serene Lady Arwen stood outraged. But Athrana pulled her back down beside her. "No, they didn't. I did. I was shot Arwen, the arrow was poisoned. I didn't expect to survive. I told them to go; I didn't give them any choice."

For a long time they sat in silence, each in their own thoughts. Eventually Athrana decided it was time to bring up why she was here. Time to play big sister once again, like she used to. "Your father told me you are leaving." Arwen nodded before the words penetrated. Seeing the look that crossed her face Athrana cursed her own stupidity. She had obviously been away too long and needed to learn to keep her mouth shut. "My father knows your here?" she asked. Athrana actually grinned. "You're father knows anything. He always has." He always knew what was going on, he always had. Arwen however wasn't caught up in memories. "Why didn't he say anything?" She had said it almost to herself, but Athrana answered anyway. "How could he?"

Arwen stopped. That she could understand. She knew her father, how protective he could be. That's why he had been so adamant that she sail. How could he tell his sons the truth? How could he tell them that they're oldest friend hadn't died that day? How could he tell them that she had survived long enough to be tortured? Athriel hadn't said as much but Arwen had seen her mother when they had brought her back. She had seen the scars. Celebrian had only been a captive for a few days, judging by the marks Arwen could see it had been a lot longer than that for Athriel.

_TA 2509_

_Arwen sat by her mother's side with her brothers waiting for their father. It had been weeks and the look on her mother's face hadn't changed. That's why she had to sail. It would be better that way, and then she could heal. When Elrond came in Arwen stood to leave, to give her parents the privacy they needed, but the twins didn't budge. They had been sitting there for hours with their eyes empty._

_Suddenly Athriel stormed into the room and pulled them both up. Without a word she shoved them out of the room and down the corridor. It always amazed Arwen to see her brothers man-handled by their smaller friend, even when they needed it._

Arwen knew that her father was wrong. They needed her, the always had. She kept them sane, kept them focused. She had seen it her entire life. It had seemed wrong all these years, the two of them without her. They weren't her brothers anymore. They weren't living, they were surviving. "You have to tell them." Panic flashed through Athrana and Arwen could see it on her face. "I can't"

It pained Arwen to see her like this. She was broken, a pale shadow of the Athriel she remembered. And she knew that it would be much worse for her brothers, but she also knew she was right about this. "If you don't tell them, I will."

Athrana's brain stuttered. "What?" Unfortunately Arwen was just as stubborn as she was. "They are coming with me to the Grey Havens and I will tell them before they come back here" No! She wasn't ready! She couldn't! "Arwen, no please" She pleaded which only made Arwen more determined. Athriel didn't plead. "They have never gotten over it you know. Your death. And neither has Erestor" She did anything to get her own way, but she didn't plead. "Please don't" She wasn't going to let this go. With every second that passed Arwen was convinced she was doing the right thing. Elladan and Elrohir needed her back, as did Erestor and Athriel needed them. "You know what I think. I think there's a small part of them that knows you survived. That's why they haven't been able to move on." Athriel looked up at her with tears in her eyes one last time. "I can't" Arwen shook her head. "You have to. Go and see Erestor at least."

Athrana tried to control her emotions. She knew she had to do this. She knew that Arwen was right. Wasn't that why she had come back again? Wasn't that why she had agreed to Elrond's request in the first place? Why she had agreed to see Arwen. There was just something she had to know. "Why are you leaving Arwen?" Athrana could see the doubt on her face. "Because of Aragorn" Somehow Athrana knew she wouldn't really sail "Because you love him?" Arwen nodded. "Because I can't watch him die" Even if she made it all the way the Grey Havens, Cirdan wouldn't let her sail. Not with that doubt. Instead of saying anything Athrana just nodded and left via the balcony.

Watching her leave Arwen sat thinking to herself. She couldn't watch him die. Not after what Athriel's death had done to her brothers.


	20. With a flower in her hair

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 20- With a flower in her hair

TA3019, February

Elrohir moved through the room packing anything they would need for escorting Arwen the next day. They had both been surprised when she had told them of her plans. They had thought she would ignore Estel's suggestion and wait for him. Apparently all she had needed was their father's encouragement to sail, but at least she would be safe. They would make sure of that.

Then he felt a familiar melancholy sweep through his mind. Elladan was thinking thoughts he shouldn't. Walking through their bedroom he noticed his brother on the balcony, but that wasn't all. Sitting on the bed was 'that' box. The one Elladan had said he wouldn't open again. The one they had agreed to leave alone. The box was open. He always had been the more impulsive of the two. Looking to the balcony again he saw that Elladan was holding a dried flower.

"**You said you weren't going to do this anymore Dan" **Elladan didn't even turn around and didn't answer his brother. Elrohir closed the box and joined his brother on the balcony. **"Dan?" **Elladan sighed. **"You know this is one of the only memories I have, that you don't share Roh" **So they were going to do this again. How many times would they go over old memories, painful memories? **"I may not have been there Dan, but I felt what you felt. I would have done the same." **

_TA 2917_

_They had been sitting together enjoying a treetop picnic when Elrohir had remembered something. He was supposed to be picking up a book from the library that afternoon. Promising to be back soon he had jumped down o the ground and strode off towards the house. Elladan had sat there for a while alone before Athriel had turned up agreeing to join him for lunch._

_Now she was looking around for something. "What are you looking for?" Elladan asked laughing. "A flower for my hair" he answered as if it were obvious. "You're such an elleth sometimes Riel" It didn't happen very often, but sometimes Athriel's feminine side would come through and it always surprised them when it did. Yes she still wore dresses and jewellery, but she was a warrior. The dresses he presumed were mainly to keep Erestor happy. "Well I hate to tell you this Elladan, but technically I am."_

"_Isn't one flower as good as another?" he asked as she scanned the blossoms. She rolled her eyes ignoring him. Until she found the one she wanted. "There!" He was taller than her so with an exaggerated sigh Elladan stood to retrieve the flower. It was a perfect bloom he had to admit. As he sat he reached over and put the flower into her hair between her braids. "Thanks"_

_Their eyes caught and Elladan didn't want to look away. Just this morning he and Elrohir had been talking about how beautiful Athriel was. How she was such an important part of their life. He leant in and kissed her. She pulled back. "What are you doing?" she looked furious. He reached out and touched her face willing away her anger. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are Athriel? We've always thought so."_

_Athriel flinched and moved further away. "Stop it Elladan1 I am not one of those maidens who follow you around like a lost puppy. I am not here for you to toy with" With that she jumped down from the branches and ran off._

_Elrohir rushed back towards the tree. He had felt Elladan's confusion and heard his thoughts. He could see Athriel running towards the house and grabbed her. "Athriel? What's wrong?" But she wouldn't stop. She shrugged him off. "Don't touch me Elrohir" And ran as fast as she could towards the house._

They had gotten past it; they had been friends almost their entire lives. None of them had ever brought it up again. **"Why do you think she kept it?" **Elladan asked looking at the flower as he spun it between his fingers. Elrohir shrugged. **"Come on Dan, we still have some packing to do."**

Athrana sat in the tree across from the balcony looking down at her hands. She had come with the intention of telling them, just as Arwen had suggested. But then she had seen the flower. _"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are Athriel? We've always thought so" _How could she talk to them? She wasn't Athriel anymore. Not the Athriel they remembered. She was dead.


	21. Home

Note: I thought I had better write this chapter quickly as: 1 I am on a roll and, 2 a lot of people have been waiting for it especially after Athrana/Athriel's cowardice in the last chapter. Enjoy

PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 21- Home

TA3019, February

Athrana landed lightly onto what had once been her balcony. It was late now and the entire house was asleep. She could do this, she could come home. But first she wanted to see it. She wanted to see the room that had once been hers. Maybe it was a delaying tactic, but she had to do it. Alright, she couldn't deny it, it was a delaying tactic. She would come home and reveal herself to everyone, but not yet. At least she would have to wait till tomorrow. In the morning Elladan and Elrohir would escort Arwen on her journey to the Grey Havens. She would tell them everything. But that wouldn't be for a few days. In the meantime she could get used to the idea of being back.

She tried the door, locked. She smiled. One thing at least hadn't changed in all these years, Erestor. Erestor had always been checking to see if the door was locked. She always forgot to do it, so he would lock it for her. She knelt down and began to pick the lock. It wouldn't take long; it was a trick she had learned a long time ago.

_TA 173_

_Three figures moved quietly down the corridor. It was late at night and although they were supposed to be in bed three elves, not far from their majority tiptoed towards the wine cellar. When they arrived Athriel tried the door. "It's locked" the twins looked at each other and smirked. "What the magnificent Athriel, can't get through the door." Elladan asked as Elrohir searched his pockets. Finally he pulled out a thin piece of metal and began work on the lock. Within minutes the door swung open._

As the door swung open Athrana took a deep breath. Everything was the same. Everything exactly the same as she had left it. Not a thing had been moved.

Erestor sat up in bed. He had heard something, movement from next door. But that was impossible, those were Athriel's rooms. A hand reached out and pushed him back down onto the bed. "It's alright Meleth, I'll go see what it is, and you stay here" Erestor nodded vaguely as Glorfindel stood and put on a night robe. He couldn't have imagined it if his mate had woken as well. Someone or something was moving around in his sister's room.

Glorfindel crept slowly through to the other room and approached the connecting door. He tried not to think of the possibilities. Was it possible, could it be her? His hand went to the doorknob. Locked. Of course it was locked, they always locked it. As if they could keep their memories safely behind the wooden door. His hand found the key without thinking and he pushed open the door. As he stepped through the doorframe his ears caught a familiar noise. He moved slowly towards the bedroom and peered around the frame.

There she was, sitting on the bed crying. "Athriel?" She looked up, but she didn't run as he expected her to. "It's exactly the same" She said. She looked so scared, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Without realising what he was doing Glorfindel moved forward and took her hand. "Come with me" he said pulling her to stand and pulling her through to the living room, where she stopped. "Wait" She looked up at the space above the fire place. "Where's the portrait that was here?" Everything else was the same. It seemed odd that that picture was missing.

_TA181_

_Erestor pulled her along as she kept her eyes shut tight. Today was her birthday and he had a surprise for her. "Erestor, just tell me what it is, please" She could tell he wasn't taking her very far, from her bedroom to the living room but she had no patience today. "I have to start getting ready soon." He laughed as he stopped and turned her to face the right way. "You can look now." He said. Athriel opened her eyes and gasped. Sitting there on her long chair was not one, but two portraits and a beautiful black dress. "Oh Erestor they're beautiful." One portrait showed herself and Erestor standing side by side, the other was just of her standing in full armour with a helmet under her arm._

"It's on the long Gallery Athriel. It's the only one we had of you on your own."

_TA2933_

_Erestor was just standing there looking at the picture and he had been there for a long time. "You need to take it down Erestor; they need one for the long gallery." It was an old Imladris tradition. Whenever someone left them, either in death or to sail, their portrait was hung in the long gallery so that anyone could pay their respects. Now they had to hang a portrait of Athriel. It was strange that the only portrait they had of her on her own, fit her personality so completely._

_Erestor didn't move. He just stood there staring. If they took down this portrait it would be real. If they hung her likeness in the long gallery, she really wasn't coming back. Finally Glorfindel moved forward and took the picture himself. He broke the one rule Erestor had made about Athriel's room. He moved something. Now it was not exactly as she had left it._

"Athriel?" The voice that came from the doorway was quiet and disbelieving. Athrana turned to see Erestor. He looked pale and old, but there was hope in his eyes. "Am I dreaming?" he asked. Glorfindel moved forwards slowly shaking his head. "No Res, you're not dreaming." The advisor moved forward with his arm out stretched as if he was going to touch her face, but just as he reached his sister he collapsed onto the floor in a faint."Damn!" Glorfindel exclaimed rushing forward to pick him up and carry him back to their room.

A few hours later Erestor woke up. He was lying in his bed and he could feel Glorfindel stroking his hair. "Fin?" The hand stopped moving. "Yes?" Erestor closed his eyes. "I had the most wonderful dream" He didn't want to be awake. He wanted to be asleep again. "You did?" Glorfindel's voice asked. "I dreamt that Athriel was home with us again." It wasn't the first time he had had such dreams, but this time it had been so vivid, so real. "Erestor look at me" He opened his eyes slowly and looked up. "It wasn't a dream Erestor."

There was silence as Erestor's brain caught up with his ears. "She's..." Glorfindel took a breath. "She's asleep in her room." Erestor moved to stand but the warrior stopped him. "Please, just wait a moment Meleth." Glorfindel looked worried, but Erestor couldn't see why. "What is it?" What could be wrong? She was home. "There's something you have to know, about what happened to her."

Athriel woke up and looked at the ceiling. For a moment she didn't remember anything that had happened to her. For a moment she was just Athriel waking up in her bed. She sat up, and seeing the dressing table she moved to sit in front of the mirror. As she sat she took the brush and moved it up to her head. She looked into the mirror and screamed as everything came flooding back. She threw the brush as hard as she could shattering the mirror into thousands of pieces, each reflecting her horribly scarred face.

Erestor and Glorfindel rushed from their room when they heard the scream, followed by the terrifying smash of glass. When they reached Athriel she was sitting on the floor rocking back and forth repeatedly. Without thinking Erestor rushed to kneel in front of her. "Athriel? Athriel what's wrong?" Her head was tucked tightly behind her knees so he couldn't see her face. "I'm not Athriel. Athriel is dead" She said, although her words were muffled. Erestor pulled her face up, so that he could look her in the eye. "No, she's not. She's right here where she belongs" She shook his hand away. "Erestor, no I'm a monster" He laughed. 2No you're not, you're my sister"

_TA 135_

_Athriel ran through the trees as quickly as she could laughing loudly. She ran and ran as the twins chased her through the gardens. Suddenly she tripped falling to the ground in a heap. ""Athriel?"" the twins stopped seeing her crying on the ground. Suddenly there was a flurry of robes and Erestor knelt next to his sister. "It's alright Athriel, I'm here, I'm here. Everything's alright." He pulled her into a hug and rocked her slowly as she cried._

Glorfindel watched with a small smile on his face as Erestor rocked her slowly, as if she was an elfling again. "It's alright Athriel, I'm here, I'm here. Everything's alright." She was really home.


	22. Visions and Revelations

Note: OK, I can't seem to stop today.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 22- Visions and Revelations

TA3019, February

Arwen slowed her horse as they reached a clearing. They hadn't been travelling very long, two days, and they were going incredibly slowly. Arwen insisted they stop often. She dismounted as the horse stopped looking over her shoulder. Ever since they had left the valley she kept looking for a shadow behind them. She knew that Athriel hadn't kept her promise, at least about telling the twins. Maybe by now Erestor knew but she could see that Elladan and Elrohir didn't. Eventually she would have to tell them herself. Eventually.

"**We are stopping again" **They dismounted together. **"We have been stopping a lot."** They watched as Arwen looked around the clearing. **"She has been looking for something ever since we left"** Arwen had stopped looking around now and was sitting looking off into the distance. **"Anyone would think she didn't really want to leave."** They grinned at each other. The entire time they had been travelling they had both been convinced that at any second she would change her mind and demand they head back home.

Arwen looked off into the distance. Every step she took away from Rivendell it became harder to continue. Something deep inside her, didn't want her to leave. Every time they stopped Aragorn's face would appear in her mind. Was she abandoning him? Despite what he had said before he left, she doubted it was really what he wanted. But could she do it? Could she stay and watch him die, watch him age.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement. She looked up to see, not the clearing in the trees she had expected, but a white stone hall. Aragorn stood by the window. He turned to look at her and smiled. Suddenly a small boy ran into view. Aragorn knelt down and picked the boy up as he ran into his arms. They both faced her now and she could see the jewel around the boy's neck. The Evenstar pendant, symbol of her immortality. She had to go back. She had to. If she didn't he would never be born, her son would never be born.

Arwen stood and ran to her horse. She had to get back; she had to get back now. As she mounted and made ready to leave she heard laughter from across the clearing. She stopped and looked at them, her brothers. "We are going back to Rivendell." Two eyebrows rose in unison. ""Is that so?"" Slowly they stood and walked over to their own horses. She knew that they were only doing it to annoy her, moving so slowly. Alright, maybe it wasn't so urgent that she get home right this second. She calmed slightly.

Then another thought struck her. Athriel. Athriel would be in Rivendell when they got back. She slid off of the horse again. They stood there confused for a couple of seconds before they said anything. "What's wrong Arwen?" "Have you changed your mind again?" She shook her head and sat down on the ground. "I just need to talk to you for a minute."

They humoured her sitting down on the ground as if they were elflings. Arwen took a deep breath. "I'm not sure how to... I mean, I don't know." She stopped closing her eyes. "I had a visitor before we left. She came to see me, to say goodbye I think. She wanted me to know the truth I think. She..." She opened her eyes again to see them looking at her concerned. They were always worrying about her. ""Who was it?"" She could do this. She could do what Athriel could not. It was better for all of them. Anything had to be better than the pain that had been living in their eyes all these years. "Athriel came to see me. She's alive and she's in Rivendell."

Within moments they were on their way again, not slowly as they had been before but thundering along at such a pace that by the time they stopped for the night their horses were exhausted.


	23. Portrait

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 23- Portrait

TA3019, February

Three days, she had been back for three days. She stood on her balcony looking out onto the gardens. It felt so odd to stand here, as if she didn't belong. Everything felt familiar and yet out of place at the same time. Her things had stayed the same but she had changed. She turned back to the room and her gaze landed on the dressing table. She had refused to let Erestor replace the broken mirror. It wasn't worth it. In fact she had insisted that any other mirrors in her rooms were removed. She couldn't stand to look at her face, not yet.

She supposed it had something to do with the combination of images. At the moment she stood in one of her old dresses. It was strange enough seeing her scarred arms poking out of the sleeves. She didn't think she could take the sight of her face above the collar.

"Good morning Athriel" She turned. Erestor. He had been her rock these last few days. A reminder of why she had come back and a banishment of her fears of rejection. Erestor refused to treat her any differently now that she was back. It was as if he didn't see the marks that covered her entire body, didn't notice that her once long hair was missing. To him she was still his little sister.

Erestor was carrying a pile of clothes in his arms. "I picked you up some more clothes Ree. You've lost a lot of weight since you've been away." Did he really not see what else had changed or was he in denial. Riding on his relief to see her alive. "Erestor?" He looked at her as he dropped the pile onto the bed. "Yes?" Athrana sat cross-legged on the mattress and patted the space beside her. Frowning he sat. "What is it?" She took one of his hands in hers. "Can you actually see me Res? I mean can you see how much I've changed? Can you see the marks?" Erestor sighed. "They don't matter Athriel. Yes I can see them. And I know what they did to you. But you're the same person inside. I know it. You're my sister, and I'd know you anywhere. You're back where you belong now." He traced the dark blue lines on her hand. "One day these marks will fade and the scars will go. But it will take a long time. And I'm going to be here the whole time." Athrana nodded with tears in her eyes. Cirdan was right. Erestor was a lot stronger than he seemed.

Glorfindel reached up and removed the picture from its hook. He had wanted to do this for weeks, ever since he learned that Athriel was alive. Now he could finally move her portrait from the long gallery and hang it back where it belonged, in her rooms. He smiled as he reached her door. It was unlocked. After all these years the door from Athriel's rooms to the corridor was unlocked. Struggling slightly with the door and the frame at the same time Glorfindel shuffled into the living room and headed straight for the fireplace.

Athrana walked out into the living room when she heard the front door close. She smiled seeing Glorfindel but her face slipped when she saw the picture. The picture of how she used to be. "Much better" Glorfindel said standing back to admire his handy work. He turned to gage her reaction and stopped. "Athriel?" He looked back at the picture and then back at her. "Do you want me to take it down?" he asked.

He didn't want to take it down, but he would. She had been so confused when she had seen it gone her first night back, but that was before the mirror incident. He should have known. She didn't want to see her own reflection, why would she want to see her likeness every day. A reminder of how she used to look. Personally Glorfindel was getting used to the way she looked now. The first time he had seen her like this he had been shocked, but he had known that Athriel was still there underneath. Her scars where an unpleasant reminder of what had happened to her, that was all. A diary of her torture. He had found it very difficult at first to see her like this, but now he managed to actually see her. Between them he and Erestor had tried to act as normal as possible, while still letting Athriel know that she could talk to them, whenever she needed it. They found it difficult, but that was nothing compared to what she was going through. Athriel stood up straight suddenly. "No, no it's fine. Leave it there."

Athrana stared at her likeness for a long time. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was the same person. Everything had been so simple then. A few years before her majority Erestor had finally conceded to let her begin her warrior training. Unknown to him at the time, she had actually been getting lessons in secret from Glorfindel for years. The portrait had been Erestor's way of saying that he was proud of the path she had chosen, despite his earlier protests. She remembered her first official day on the training ground.

_TA 176_

_Athriel made her way slowly towards the group of warrior gathered on the field. She was a little nervous, this being her first day of official training, but she wasn't going to show it. Not a chance. Especially as the twins also had training that day. As she neared the group she spotted Glorfindel on the edge of the group. He turned to his warriors and addressed. "Listen up, this morning we have a new recruit joining us this morning. Lady Athriel will be joining our group." There were some raised eyebrows but no one was disapproving. It was not usual for Elleth to become warriors, but it was not unheard of either._

_Elladan and Elrohir turned to face her as she approached and burst out laughing. She frowned as she stood next to them. "What's so funny?" She asked. Elrohir leant forward as if to whisper but kept his voice so that everyone could hear. "You're wearing a dress Athriel." Elladan laughed loudly at her expression before adding his opinion. "You can't fight like that!" She huffed. "I bet I can beat you dress or not" She said confidently but Elladan scoffed. "You can't fight in a dress"_

_Glorfindel rolled his eyes as one of the other warriors voiced his opinion. "You could always take it off Lady Athriel, we wouldn't mind" There was a chorus of approval from the group. They settled down however when the Balrog Slayer cleared his throat. "Well, although I am reluctant to encourage this behaviour I am quite tempted to see Athriel knock you on your ass Elladan"_

_As the two of them wrestled a figure approached from his hiding place by the trees. "What is she doing Fin?" Erestor asked as she approached. "She is fine Erestor. And I am not even going to pretend to be surprised by your presence." The advisor stood with his arms crossed. "If she is hurt Glorfindel, I will hold you personally responsible." The slayer laughed._

"_No Fair" Elrohir shouted as his pinned to the ground. "Glorfindel, Athriel is wearing leggings under her dress." Sighing Glorfindel turned to the group. "Elladan never specified that she couldn't wear them. He merely said she couldn't fight in a dress." Athriel's dress was split all the way up on both sides to give her free movement revealing her dark leggings underneath. Suddenly Elrohir jumped in to help his brother but was quickly knocked to the ground._

"_You've been training her in secret Findel" Erestor chastised. "And you my dear councillor I would wager where the one who insisted she wear a dress to training." Athriel stood triumphantly and helped the laughing twins to their feet._

Athrana sighed. Things really had been so easy then. She wished she could go back in time to that moment. But that wasn't going to happen. She walked slowly back onto her balcony and watched as three horses rode towards the house. It was Arwen and her brothers and judging by the speed they were moving things were about to get a lot more complicated.


	24. Confrontation

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 24- Confrontation

TA3019, February

Athrana stood watching the three figures as they approached. With every step closer her panic grew. She wasn't ready, not yet, not yet please. She ran back into her rooms and collapsed onto the bed. She was terrified, actually terrified to see them. What would they think? How would she explain where she had been all these years, why she had stayed away so long? How could she explain why she had come back now? Especially when she didn't even know the answer to that question. Every doubt she had ever had out in the wild came crashing back. Yes Erestor and Glorfindel had accepted her without question, but they had to. She was Erestor's sister and he loved her no matter what. The twins didn't have to accept her. She didn't think she would be able to bare it if they rejected her, saw the monster she was and cast her out.

Two figures ran through the halls as fast as they could. It couldn't be true. It wasn't possible. Athriel was dead. They stopped in front of her door for several seconds before either of them got up the courage to knock. They didn't even know what they were going to say, they just knew they had to see her. After all these years they had to see her.

Erestor looked at the door blankly when he heard the knock. He had been sitting in Athriel's living room with Glorfindel worrying about his sister. She wasn't right, she wouldn't be right for a long time. But at least she was home. She would get better over time; at least she had taken the first step. Glorfindel stood up and went to the door. He opened it a crack at first and then seeing it was the twins he opened it fully. When Erestor saw them he jumped up. It was them; they had gone off with her that day and left her behind. They had let him believe she was dead when they knew there was a chance. Maybe if a rescue party had been mounted she could have been found. She could have been saved from her torment; she could have been here all this time.

Elladan stepped into the room first followed by his brother. "Is it true?" he asked. They were frantic; their eyes darting about the room, finally landing on the bedroom door open a jar. "Is she here?" Elrohir asked.

Athrana crept over to the slightly open door when she heard the voices. They were here. She couldn't put it off any more. She would have to see them and she would have to see them now. She peered through the gap and watched as Erestor strode up to them furious. As he slapped first one and then the other she gasped.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Erestor yelled and behind the door Athrana flinched. "You let me believe she was dead!" Glorfindel pulled his mate back and restrained him with a hand on each shoulder. This conversation was not going anywhere good. "We thought she was dead!" Elladan yelled as his hand moved to his cheek, surprised that Erestor had actually struck him. "This is as big a shock to us as it is to you Erestor" Elrohir continued. Although his actions mirrored his brothers, his words were much softer, almost a whisper. Shrugging Glorfindel's hands away Erestor stepped forward again. "But you knew there was a chance"

There it was out in the open. The truth they had tried to hide all these years, the point that had been a constant debate within them. Elrohir tried to stay calm knowing that Elladan had already lost that battle. "What did you want us to say?" he asked. How could they have told him? How could they have made his grief worse? Elladan instead turned to sarcasm. "Sorry Erestor, but we didn't hang around to watch your sister die, there's every chance they took her away and tortured her" As his voice got louder Elrohir's hand found his shoulder. **"Dan, please this isn't helping"** Elladan nodded and tried to continue in a calmer voice. "To be honest we didn't want to think about it ourselves."

Everyone spun around when they heard a voice from the now open bedroom door. "You weren't the only ones." Glorfindel, not so subtly pulled Erestor through to their own rooms, leaving the twins alone with their oldest friend. She just stood there looking at them, not sure what she could possibly say. How could she explain?

The twins looked at her their minds blank. It was too much to take in. It was definitely Athriel; it couldn't possibly be anyone else. She stood there in a long black dress, its sides split all the way up both sides with leggings underneath. But she was so different. The arms that poked out of her sleeves where covered in scars. Dark blue veins stood out against her too pale skin. The marks covered her face and neck and her hair was cropped short close to her scalp. This couldn't be right; this couldn't be Athriel, not their Athriel. She moved forward a couple of steps but didn't come any closer.

""Athriel?"" They asked together, their voices cracking. She just nodded. As she moved her head slightly to the side Elrohir noticed that the tip of her left ear had been removed. Elladan didn't notice, he was too angry. Now that she was actually here, he couldn't believe what she had put them through. All the years of grief and mourning, all the years of hiding out in the wild pretending to be dead. Suddenly he was furious. Why hadn't she come home? Why hadn't she let them know she was alive? Nearly 3000 years they had been friends and she hadn't even bothered to let them know she was alive. She had seen their sister and she had waited until they had left to see her brother and come home. If Arwen hadn't decided against sailing they still wouldn't know that she was ok. "How could you do this to us?" he asked but he didn't wait for an answer. He stormed out of the room and ran to his own.

Elrohir stood for a heartbeat, his eyes drawn to Athriel's blunted left ear. When her hand moved to cover the missing tip he snapped out of it and without a word followed his brother. They were one after all and despite their different reactions, they had one mind and his thoughts had been the same. As Elrohir closed the door behind him with a soft click Athriel slumped down onto the ground and cried.


	25. Confrontation Part 2

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 25- Confrontation Part 2

TA3019, February

Hearing Athriel's tears from the other room the elder elves make their way back to her. As they open the door they find her sitting on the floor. "I never should have come back" she said refusing to look up at them. "I never should have come home." Erestor knelt down in front of her and forced her to look at him. Look at me Athriel. Look at me. Don't you ever say that again! You hear me!" She shook her head out of his grip and continued to look at the floor. "They hate me" she said. Glorfindel could see the tears building up in Erestor's eyes as he knelt beside him to help. "It's just the shock Athriel; they will calm down any they will regret how they reacted." She didn't reply just sat there shaking her head. It was as if they couldn't hear a word they were saying.

Erestor tried to remain cheerful. "Why don't you go and find them huh? You've had arguments before, and you've always gotten through them." Glorfindel tried again. "They just need to some time to get used to you being back Athriel. They thought you were dead, and all of a sudden you are back here again." The warrior was so focused on helping Athriel he didn't think about what he was saying or how Erestor would take it. "Remember when I saw you, it took me some time to get used to the situation. It took time to process everything. When I saw you out there it was different, easier to take in. They came home to find you here in your old room in your old clothes. They are just in shock"

Athrana nodded and let Erestor help her up. "Why don't you go and wash your face, then you can go look for them and sort everything out." He led her through her bedroom and watched as she walked through to the bathroom. Once the door was closed Erestor indicated with his eyes that they should retreat to their own rooms.

For a long time they sat in silence while Erestor stared at the picture of himself and Athriel that sat above the mantle. He was waiting for Athriel to leave. He had not missed what Glorfindel had said. The night that Athriel had snuck back into her own rooms was not the first time Glorfindel had seen her since her 'death'. He had obviously known that she was alive before Erestor had found out. He could see Glorfindel fidget in his chair; he knew there was something wrong. When the golden warrior opened his mouth to speak Erestor raised a hand. No they weren't going to talk about this until Athriel had left.

They listened as Athriel moved through her rooms and closed the front door behind her. Once her footsteps had faded Erestor turned to face the other elf and asked the question burning in his brain. "How long have you known?" Glorfindel looked so miserable, but he had to know. "Erestor...I..." Erestor didn't want excuses he wanted answers. "How long Glorfindel?" The slayer took a deep breath and admitted the most difficult thing he had ever had to admit to the love of his life. "October" He cringed as Erestor took this in "What?"

Finally it was all out in the open. Glorfindel only hoped that Erestor would understand his side. Not that he deserved his understanding. "October the 20th. When we reached the ford she was there. She didn't mean for me to recognise her, but how could I not. Even with that cloak on, I knew it was her. And then I saw her face and I couldn't believe it." Understanding however did not appear to be on the advisors mind. "You lied to me" Glorfindel closed his eyes trying to block out what he knew was going to happen. They had always been honest with each other, but he had only done what he thought was best for all of them. "No Erestor, no please. She begged me not to tell you. She said she wasn't ready to come home. I tried to convince her but she wouldn't. I promised her I wouldn't say anything. I knew she would come back on her own when she was ready. Erestor, I..."

Suddenly everything fell into the place. Glorfindel's odd behaviour over the last few months, his determination to avoid Erestor after his return from the ford. He had been hiding this the entire time. "Get out" Erestor had said it so quietly Glorfindel had barely heard him. Somehow it would have been better if Erestor had yelled. A hysterical Erestor Glorfindel could cope with, there was some hope then. But Erestor was completely calm. He was completely serious. "What?" Erestor didn't even look up. "Get out, just go Glorfindel. I don't think can even look at you right now." The warrior tried one last time. Desperate. "Erestor Please" But once the chief councillor had made up his mind there was no changing it. "Get out"

Glorfindel stood slowly hoping that somehow between here and the door Erestor would change his mind. He stopped when he reached the door trying not to let the tears fall. "I'll be in one of the guest rooms" As the door closed Erestor pulled a blanket around himself. Suddenly the room seemed so much colder than it should be.

.


	26. Explanations

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 26- Explanations

TA3019, February

Athrana closed the door and started off down the corridor. She knew exactly where they would be. She hadn't been away long enough to forget their habits. She turned down the hall towards the library. Opening the door she moved through to a room at the back, a room they used to store the old archives and the seldom read books. Sitting at one of the desks was Elrohir.

"I knew you'd be here" She said as she walked towards him. He had his back to her and didn't move. "You always preferred to do your thinking here" Elrohir smiled despite himself. Of course she would know. Wasn't that part of why they always ran when they argued with her, so she would chase them? Or rather she would chase Elrohir. He at least would listen to her. Elladan was still sulking curled up on their bed keeping his anger close as long as possible so that he wouldn't have to deal with the real issues. She knew them too well, just as they knew her. The years apart couldn't change that.

Elrohir didn't bother to ask her why she was here. He knew. He was her only hope to get through to them. Elladan wouldn't listen, not yet. That's how he coped with things, locked away in their room away from the rest of the world. Elrohir preferred to talk things out, to explain and have things explained. And she needed to explain, they had a lot to work out. "We thought we would fade over you Athriel." He said finally as she sat next to him. They didn't look at each other; they just sat side by side. "You didn't though" she said "Isn't that a good thing."

Elrohir shook his head. "What happened?" He had to know, he had to know everything. Athrana took a deep breath. This was it, she had to explain. And she wouldn't be able to get away with vague explanations and hints. Elrohir would want the whole story and he wouldn't settle for anything less. She owed them that much didn't she? Even if they didn't like it they would have to hear it all.

_TA2933_

_Athriel pulled the arrow from her body and dismounted quickly before they could argue with her. They had to get back home; they had to get to safety, no matter what. She was already dead. She drew her knives as they disappeared into the distance. The orcs swarmed around her. They easily out numbered her, but that didn't matter. She would slow them down and before she died she would take a few with her. _

_With the adrenaline pumping through her body Athriel swung her knives around over and over again. The others were safe. She had made sure of that. Whatever happened next didn't matter. They were safe. Just then they overwhelmed her. Their numbers were much too great. She didn't care. She was an elven warrior. She would face her death head on without fear. She waited in vain for the death blow that didn't come; instead something hit her hard on the head._

_When Athriel regained consciousness, the first thing she realised was that she wasn't outdoors anymore. She was somewhere cold and dark. Her arms were tied above her head. And she was suspended above the ground. The bindings pulled uncomfortably on her injuries, but what was a little pain. She would be dead before she let them see fear or pain on her face. She wondered briefly how long she had been unconscious and how long they would wait before they made their move._

_That's when the laughter started. Obviously they were trying to intimidate her, but it wasn't going to work. She concentrated on the pain in her shoulder to block out the noise. Underneath the laughter she could hear them moving closer. It seemed to take forever, listening to their footsteps as they approached. In the darkness she couldn't see much, there was a pile of weapons over in the corner, and a small fire. As her eyes adjusted to the gloom she saw the metal sticking out of the hot coals. Brands or something similar. You are an elven warrior, she thought. You can withstand anything. They are trying their best to scare you. Are you going to let that happen? No, you're not. You are Athriel of Imladris. You can face them._

_As they entered she stared at their leader defiantly. She wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of hearing her scream. Not a single sound was going to pass her lips, not one single sound._

_It had been days now but it felt like years. It was so hard to tell the passage of time down here in the dark. There wasn't a single part of her body that didn't burn with the poison they had inflicted upon her. There wasn't a single part of her body that they hadn't scorched cauterising her wounds to stop her from bleeding out. That wouldn't be any fun. They weren't going to let her get away that easily. Every now and then she would pass out making it even harder to tell the passage of time. Maybe one day she would forget about time all together._

_Time had no meaning now. She couldn't even guess how long it had been since she had seen the sky or breathed the forest air. There was no time before now, and there wouldn't be ever again. There was no past or future. There was only the present here in this hell. She had been here forever and she would remain here forever. She was in limbo, this place between life and death. Barely surviving and yet unable to die. She didn't know how many times she had begged for death only to hear their laughter. Please Mandos take me, she pleaded again to the Valar of the dead. Please let me die. But still she lived on._

Elladan tried to force the images out of his head. He didn't want to see that, he didn't want to know what had happened. He wanted to stay just one more minute in his ignorance, but it was useless. Elrohir was listening to Athriel tell her tale and unconsciously he send the images to his brother. His anger had now completely gone as he knew it would. They couldn't stay angry at her forever. But it was a cloak. Protection against their own guilt. All these years they had blamed themselves, wished they had done something more to save her. Seeing her today had put yet another nail into their hearts. Seeing her standing there with those marks all over her body had been worse than they ever could have imagined.

Elladan stood and made his way to the door. There was no point in staying here, there never was. It was just his way, his first defence to come back to this room and block everything out, while Elrohir tried to find a way through their problems. Now though he knew Elrohir wished he had done what his brother had. It was one thing to learn about what happened to her, but Elrohir was sitting in the library listening to it firsthand.

Once he reached the library Elladan crept quietly towards the back room. Elrohir would know he was there by now but Athriel wouldn't. They were sitting with their backs to him while Athriel continued with her story. "Why didn't you sail?" He asked moving forward to sit on her other side.

_TA2510_

_Athriel watched as they loaded the ship with the few things Celebrian wanted to take with her. It was obvious to everyone that she couldn't stay here any longer. She had to sail. If there was ever a chance that she would heal it was in Valinor. Athriel was relieved. It felt selfish, but with her gone and safely over the sea maybe the twins would be able to heal themselves. For too many months they had sat by her bedside refusing to leave. Too many times she had forced them out of the room to eat bathe and rest. Maybe now they could get on with their lives safe in the knowledge that their mother would heal._

_Everyone cried as Celebrian was led towards the ship. It would be a long time before any of them saw her again. After her family had said goodbye the lady called Athriel over. Just before she boarded the ship she leant over and whispered into the younger elf's ear. "Look after them for me Ree, until I see them again. Look after my sons."_

Athrana sighed. She couldn't sail. She couldn't leave them alone while she had a choice. She couldn't say that though. "I couldn't" she said instead before she stood and left them to themselves.


	27. Trouble Sleeping

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 27- Trouble Sleeping

TA3019, February

Athrana opened the door to her rooms and sat down with a sigh. It had been a very trying day. Eventually she stood and lit the fire. There was something cleansing about sitting and staring into the flames. She ran her hands over the flickering tongues, just to check whether she could still feel the heat. As if all the pain she had felt in her life could have robbed her of all feeling. For a long time she watched the flickering warmth. She turned to look out towards the sky. It was getting dark and she hadn't heard any movement from next door since she had returned.

Quietly she crept to the connecting door and peered through it. Erestor was asleep on the sofa, but there was no sign of Glorfindel. Picking up another blanket Athrana draped it around her brother. She didn't want to wake him.

As she made her way back to her own room. She could feel something pulling on her mind. That old familiar feeling. "Yrch" she spat to herself. She hadn't felt them since she had returned, but she could feel it now. It had been days since she had last been hunting, and tonight she needed it. She knew she wouldn't sleep tonight. Removing her heavy cloak from the balcony Athrana strode purposely towards the balcony doors. Just once more. Nobody would even know. It was her duty as a warrior to protect the valley. She couldn't leave a threat unchallenged. Opening the balcony door wide she jumped down onto the ground and ran off into the trees with a grin on her face.

A few hours later Erestor awoke to a dark empty room. For a moment he forgot everything that had happened that day. "Fin? Glorfindel?" But there was no answer. Then he remembered. Glorfindel was gone, he had thrown him out. It was just him and Athriel now. He listened from a moment. There was no movement coming from his sisters rooms. She was probably asleep. She was probably exhausted from her conversation with the twins. It had been a long day, for both of them.

Slowly Erestor and made his way through to their bedroom. No it was his bedroom. He looked at the bed. It seemed so big now and the air was cold. He lay down on his side of the bed and looked over at the empty space beside him. He wanted so badly to go and find Glorfindel, to bring him back here and tell him he was sorry. But he couldn't. He had lied to him, the one thing they had promised one another they would never do. Worse still he had lied to him about Athriel, the only family Erestor had left on Arda. He turned around to face the wall. That didn't work; he could still feel the empty space behind him. His eyes caught the golden ring on his finger so he closed his eyes tight. With his eyes still closed he removed the offending article from his finger and threw it across the room.

After long minutes of tossing and turning Erestor stood up. He couldn't sleep, not like this. The room was too cold and he felt empty. After a frantic search he found the ring and slipped it back onto his finger. His mind calmed slightly. Seeing Glorfindel's thick night robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door the councillor ran his fingers over the fabric. Sighing he took it down and wrapped it tightly around himself. He lay back down again and finally he slept.


	28. Guilt

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 28- Guilt

TA3019, February

Glorfindel sat in a chair, wine glass in one hand watching the fire. He couldn't quite believe what was happening. Instead of being curled up in bed with his husband, he was sitting here in one of the guest rooms moping. Elrond sat across from him, silent, absorbing all the great slayer had said to him. "What should I do Elrond?" the blonde asked. He was at a loss. He had always strived to do the right thing, but somehow he had lost everything. He had always tried to do what was right for his family, for Erestor and for Athriel.

"You have to speak to him Glorfindel. You have been married for a long time and close friends for much longer before that. You need to explain it to him." Glorfindel shook his head. He couldn't, Erestor had been so angry.

Elrond sighed seeing the defeat in his friend's eyes. There was more to this than the warrior was telling him. It was as if he didn't want to be forgiven, as if he believed he deserved all of Erestor's anger. "Normally you wouldn't leave it this long. Normally you wouldn't let him kick you out. The Glorfindel I know would have stayed where he was until it was all sorted out. There is something you aren't telling me. Something's on your mind."

Glorfindel looked down at his hands, trying to evade his lord's questions. "It's nothing" he said dismissively. He looked back at the fire. He couldn't look at his hand, not with his wedding ring glaring at him, reminding him of exactly what he had lost. "No it's not" Elrond demanded. Glorfindel stood and refilled his wine glass, if only for something to do with his hands. He didn't know where to start. "I was just wondering..." When he stopped Elrond urged him to go on. "What?" Glorfindel threw himself back into the chair. "Nothing" He couldn't do it. He couldn't even verbalise his thoughts, he couldn't. "Go on" Elrond encouraged. "It's just... I've been thinking these last couple of days and..." The lord of the valley set his own glass aside and leant forward. "You can tell me" Glorfindel shook himself. "No I can't it's too horrible" He couldn't believe he had nearly said it, he shouldn't even be thinking it. "What is it?"

Elrond had used that voice. The voice that reminded everyone exactly who the half-elf was. He was Lord of Rivendell and he would not give up. Glorfindel put his own glass aside. He would actually have to do this; he would have to give voice to his thoughts. "It's just, sometimes I wish she'd never come home." That sounded just as terrible as it had done in his mind. How could he think like that, especially about Athriel, the child he helped raise, the child he loved like his own. As awful as it sounded he continued. "She stayed away because she thought it was better for us to believe her dead. And sometimes I think she was right." Now that he had started he couldn't stop. The words flowed unbidden from his mouth. "I mean every time I look at her I can't help but think about what they did to her and... if they had killed her she would be in the halls by now. They're a place of healing Elrond, a place of peace and contemplation. But instead she had to live out there on her own because she was afraid to come home, because she was too strong to die."

Elrond closed his eyes. He couldn't condemn his friend for his thoughts; he too had felt that way not too long ago. All he could do was console him. "Glorfindel we all wish things could have been different. I have known she was alive for a long time my friend, and although I have hated myself for it my thoughts have been frighteningly similar to your own. I have wished that her suffering could be over as I have wished that she could have come back to us sooner. But neither of the things we can change. She is Athriel; she wouldn't be our Athriel if she didn't fight. I kept her secret for a long time because I believed that it was better for us to move on. But we can't think about what is best for us anymore. We have to think about what is best for her. She needs our help and support no matter what. You aren't the only one who sees those marks. I see them and I wish it hadn't happened to her. But I still think it's better for here to be here with us all. This is a place of healing Glorfindel, here in this valley surrounded by those who love her. She will heal; we will make sure of it. But still you aren't telling me everything. What is this all about?"

Glorfindel took a deep breath. These were the things he couldn't tell Erestor. And maybe his love was angry at him not just for the things he had kept from him over the last couple of months, but because he was still keeping some things back. "I failed" he said finally. "I failed Athriel, I failed Erestor, I failed the twins and I failed you. I... I was sent back to protect you and your family and everyone here in the valley. I couldn't kill the witch-king, I couldn't save Celebrian and I couldn't save Athriel." Elrond's brow furrowed in confusion. Why hadn't he seen that Glorfindel carried all of this guilt around with him? How could he think so little of himself and what he had achieved here? "Glorfindel, none of that was your fault. No one blames you for any of it. You are not responsible for what happened to Athriel.

Glorfindel looked at his lord incredulously. "Not responsible? Elrond I'm the one who convinced Erestor to let her become a warrior, I'm the one who trained her. When I brought her here all those centuries ago I told her she would be safe. I promised her father, Erestor's father, that I'd protect her and then..." Elrond could see where this was going and he didn't like it. "Glorfindel look at me. Athriel is fine. She is here with us and she will heal. She's here because f you, she's strong because of you. She never would have been happy as anything other than a warrior. You know that and Erestor knows that. Because of what you taught her Estel and my sons are alive. If she hadn't accompanied them I do not know what would have happened. Because of you she became one of the best warriors in this realm. You have nothing to regret. Do you have any idea how many years I blamed myself for what happened to Celebrian? You can't blame yourself for this"

Glorfindel nodded but continued to look into the fire. It would take more than Elrond's words to cleanse him of his guilt.

She never would have been happy as anything else. You made him see that. You have nothing to regret. Do you have any idea how many years I blamed myself for what happened to Celebrian You can't blame yourself for this"


	29. Nightmare

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 29- Nightmare

TA3019, February

Finally Elladan and Elrohir fell into reverie, but it was not a peaceful sleep. Their identical brows furrowed and their heads tossed from side to side in unison as they shared the same dream. For hours they had stayed awake trying to process everything that had happened in such a short time. Their anger hadn't lasted very long considering Athriel's explanation. After she had left them alone they had made their way slowly back to their rooms to think. Neither had any idea what they were going to do or how they should react to having their old friend back in their lives. It was going to be difficult letting go of over 80yrs of mourning. Besides that they could see that she needed their help, she would need all the help she could get if she was ever going to heal from this. If she healed at all.

Now they were finally asleep but their worries remained. Side by side they walked towards the figure sitting with her back to them. It was Athriel, but Athriel as they knew her before, as they remembered her. She was sitting on a stone bench in the gardens. They expected her to turn as they approached but she continued to face the other way as she spoke. "It's all your fault" her head tilted slightly to one side and suddenly they weren't in the gardens anymore. They were suddenly surrounded by trees and it was dark.

Athriel was different as well. Her clothes were ripped and her hair was short. They could see the blue marks on her neck alongside the horrific scars. "You could have saved me." They stopped just behind her not wanting to go any further, not wanting to see her face now. "You could have killed me" Their vision flashed from Athriel now to the Athriel they remembered and back again. "But you did nothing."

She turned towards them then. Her mouth was smeared with blood and her eyes were black. Her hands were covered in gore and her finger nails were long. She was kneeling on the ground beside a mangled corpse. She licked her fingers and smiled grotesquely. "You made me what I am." They took a step back in horror. "You made me a monster."

""Aaaaaahh!"" They sat bolt upright before realising that the sound had come from them. It took a long time for their heart beats to calm down. Needing to feel the air on his face Elrohir retreated to the balcony while Elladan went to splash water on his face. Evidently they still felt guilt over leaving her that day, despite her insistence. But what of the rest of their dream? Where had those images come from? The scars had shocked them yes, but perhaps they hadn't realised just how much.

Suddenly a figure moved across Elrohir's vision. **"Dan!"** Feeling his distress Elladan ran out onto the balcony. **"What is it?"** Elrohir pointed as the figure swung itself up into a tree across from one of the balconies further along. It was Athriel's balcony. Suddenly everything fell into place. The clues they had been ignoring all this time. The confusing tracks whenever the bodies had been found, the reason so many orcs had been killed in the wilds around the valley. The reason they had been prevented from seeing the culprit when they had looked for them. Finally they knew what Athriel had been doing all this time. They should have seen it a long time ago. **""The Shadow""**


	30. Sneaking In

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 30- Sneaking In

TA3019, February

Erestor sat bolt upright. He had slept very little and very lightly. Every small sound had woken him, but this sound was familiar. This sound he had heard before. It was the click of Athriel's balcony door closing. Without thinking he went to see what was going on.

Athrana, having pulled the balcony door closed, stood for a couple of seconds to compose herself. That was a stupid thing to do, a really stupid thing to do. What did it mean that she couldn't live without the hunt? She couldn't even last a couple of days without their blood on her hands.

"Athriel?" Erestor lit a candle from his own before turning to look at his sister. "What are you doing?" She was standing there with that thick black cloak wrapped around her, the hood pulled up to hide her face. His eyes went wide. "No!" He stormed forward grabbing her shoulder. "No! You're not leaving! You can't do this to me again!" As he grabbed her the hood fell back and he gasped. "I wasn't leaving Erestor" She said storming off towards the bathroom to wash her face. Erestor closed his eyes but he could still see it, the horrible smear of blood across her mouth.

_TA 138_

_Erestor stormed through the corridors. He had been searching for Athriel for over an hour. The first place he had looked had been Glorfindel's room. That was where she usually went when he was upset with her. Next he had tried the twins, but they hadn't seen her all afternoon. Now he was on his way to the kitchens. He hadn't meant to get so angry with her. He still wasn't used to looking after a small elfling, she was only 7 and sometimes he lost his temper with her. He knew she hadn't meant any harm. But when he saw what she had done to the book he had lost control. He shouldn't have yelled at her._

_Finally he peered around the doorframe and smiled. There was Athriel sitting on Glorfindel's lap shoving handfuls of blackberry pie into her mouth while the great slayer laughed. Erestor cleared his throat standing with his hands on his hips and his eyebrow raised. "There you are" Athriel gulped. "Hello Restor. Are you still angry with me?" He sighed shaking his head. "Of course I'm not Riel. Come here" She smiled jumping down from Glorfindel's lap and running towards her brother. He lifted her up ignoring her sticky fingers as she through her arms around her neck. "Let's go and get you cleaned up" He said seeing the smear of blackberry all around her mouth._

Erestor could hear the water running in the bathroom and sighed. The smear he had seen a moment ago hadn't been blackberry or anything half as pleasant. He looked up as Athriel walked out of the bathroom drying her hands. He asked the question even though he didn't want to hear the answer. "What were you doing?" She sat down avoiding his gaze. "Hunting" But Erestor needed more of an explanation than that. "Define hunting?" he said his voice falling back to a time when she was a child. "I... Sometimes... Orcs, I was hunting orcs. I can feel them Erestor, whenever they come close. And when I see them, I... I" she couldn't finish. It was difficult enough to admit it to herself, but here in her old room trying to explain it all to her brother made it feel so much worse.

She looked up trying to gage her reaction. "Restor? Are you angry with me?" Oh how he wished it had been blackberry. "No Riel, I'm not angry. We'll figure this out" He couldn't really lift her up anymore so he settled for a hug. First thing in the morning he was going to take Athriel to see Elrond and then the three of them were going to have a very long talk.


	31. They Were Elves Once

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 31- They Were Elves Once

TA3019, February

Athrana stood outside of the heavy wooden door trying to calm her nerves. She couldn't do this, she really couldn't do this. No good would come of it, reliving it all, trying to find a reason for the urges she felt. How could any of that be good? How could it help? She felt a hand take her own as Erestor stood beside her. "You can do this." She closed her eyes. She couldn't. "Please Athriel, if you won't do it for yourself, then for me." That was it, she had to. She couldn't cause Erestor anymore pain, she had caused so much already. Lifting her free hand she knocked on the door.

In a dark corner of the library Elladan and Elrohir searched the shelves. They had to do something. The disturbing dream had stayed with them for the rest of the night. And being not only the sons of Elrond but also the grandsons of Galadriel they knew not dismiss it as simply a bad dream. So they searched for all that they could on the history and habits of the orc. Maybe their search was in vain but they had to find something. They had to find some way to help their dearest friend.

Lord Elrond opened the door and without a word indicated for the siblings to enter. It was about time they came to him. He had been waiting for them to ask for help. Indicating towards the two chairs opposite his desk he took his own seat behind it. Maybe if he helped Athriel through this it would dispel some of the guilt he felt. It would not be easy for any of them, but it would be worth it.

"What can I do for you both" Elrond asked. Athrana looked down at the hand that her brother still held, trying to will the words into existence. Where should she start? How could she begin to explain what was happening to her? What she feared was happening to her? As it turned out Erestor beat her to it. "Elrond. Last night Athriel snuck out of her room to go hunting as she calls it" The lord nodded. "Is this true?" At her shamed nod he continued "And what do these hunts involve?"

She looked up sharply. Surely he knew already. Or was that the point? Was this how he was going to help, by making her talk about what she did? And so she did, regardless of her brother's presence she talked in detail about her hunts. Every gory detail she could remember. Every so often she felt her hand squeezed harder. She talked about the overwhelming anger that surged through her. The way she attacked the creatures with no regard for herself. The feel of them as she ripped them apart with her bare hands and with her throat. For hours it seemed she went on and on letting it all out while Elrond sat on the other side of his desk listening intently. She didn't stop there. She talked about her fears out in the wild, the fears that kept her away. And then finally at Elrond's prompting she described her time with the orcs.

Erestor sat there listening to his little sister with tears in his eyes. It was difficult to listen to, but he knew that she needed to get it out. It hurt him so much to hear what she had been through. The hints that Glorfindel had given him her first morning home had grieved him but not to this extent. But through it all he remembered that as difficult as this was for her to tell, it was much harder on Athriel. He wondered how often she would have to relive those days before she could finally heal.

After what seemed like an eternity to all of them Athriel stopped talking and slumped back into her chair exhausted. Elrond looked at them both and took a deep breath. He wasn't surprised at their distressed faces, but what he was about to say would upset them more. "Athriel. I think I know why you you've been feeling this way..."

Elladan sat staring at the parchment in front of him tapping it with his fingers. He had never been very good at this. Studying had never been his strong point. Elrohir had ever been the scholar. It didn't help that the reading material was less than pleasant. Orcs were hardly the nicest creatures in all of Arda.

Elrohir read over the passage for a second time torn between happiness and dismay. Finally they had found something. He glanced at his brother; OK finally he had found something. But what he read disturbed him greatly. **"Dan, I think I found something" **He said finally sighing when Elladan moved to read over his shoulder.

_The origins of the orc have widely been debated throughout the ages. Some legends state that Morgoth with his sorcery created them from stone and slime. The true origins however are believed to be through torture. The prolonged and brutal torture of Elves is thought to have produced the orcs of the first age and beyond. It is unknown how long one would have to endure such treatment before the transformation begins to take place or when the subject will forget their former life. _

"**Roh, you can't be serious." **Although it answered a lot of questions, the news was hard to take.

"So I am a monster" Athrana said quietly as she slumped further in her chair. Elrond leant towards her. "No, you are not. The process was begun, but you are still the elf you once were. You can reverse what was done to you if you remember who you were before and who you will be again. You have to stop being Athrana and become Athriel again."

The twins sat in silence for a while as they searched for more information. Although they had found references to the creation of orcs they had found no literature on reversing the process. Suddenly Elladan's face split with a grin. **"I found it"** Elrohir grabbed the book and scanned the page frantically.

_After Morgoth's defeat when the darkness left Arda the orcs became weakened, leaderless and defeated. With the rise of Sauron their strength was returned. After the Last alliance their power dwindled yet again._

"**What?" **Elrohir asked not really seeing the relevance. Elladan rolled his eyes at his usually intelligent brother's stupidity. **"When Sauron is finally defeated the darkness will have less of a hold on her. The transformation was never completed Roh. She is still our Athriel; she still remembers us and her life here. When the darkness goes she will no longer feel its pull.**

Elrond closed behind them as they left. There was hope yet. She was on her way to recovery. He had advised Athriel to try and get back into her old routines. To try and live life as she had before she left. It would be a long hard road, but she was on her way. He only hoped Erestor would be able to cope with everything that was happening. To his credit, the Advisor had taken it all in his stride. At no point did he let go of his sister's hand. He was determined to see her through this, which was an encouraging thought.


	32. Who I Once Was

Note: Sorry this update took so long. I was busy getting ready for our holiday and then things got a bit hectic. While we were on holiday my partner proposed. To be honest I'm still in shock. I keep looking at my finger.

PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 32- Who I Once Was

TA3019, February

She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, trying to remember who she had been. She couldn't be Athrana anymore, but she wasn't Athriel either. She had a long way to go before that. At the moment she was just a shadow, an echo of who she used to be. A Shadow possessed by a monster. It had seemed such a simple solution at first. To bring herself back from the brink all she had to do was remember who she had been before, to be the elf she had been before she left. But like everything else in life it was more difficult than she had ever expected.

Suddenly her finger slipped and the needle caught her. She flinched before throwing the sewing onto the floor. And this wasn't helping her at all. She stood up and strode towards the door. "Erestor! Erestor!" Erestor and his stupid ideas. He had always tried to make her into a lady and it wasn't going to happen now. That wasn't who she was. It never had been. She slammed open the connecting door and stormed into her brother's rooms. "Erestor! This isn't working!" She slumped into the long chair beside him but he didn't look up from his book.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to work that out." Her jaw dropped. What? She had been sitting in that room struggling with his idiotic project for what seemed like an eternity for no reason. Finally the advisor put down his book and looked at his sister. "There isn't much you hated more than sewing, its part of who you are and it seemed like a good place to start." Athriel rolled her eyes. "Why do you always have to be so clever Res?" He laughed. "It's all part of being a big brother."

Glorfindel stopped and lowered his sword. "Alright everyone take a break" He could hear two sets of footsteps approaching. Two sets he knew very well. Scanning the surroundings he spotted them. He knew better than to think that Erestor was coming to see him, at least not to ask him to come home. The way Athriel walked slightly behind her brother told him that she was the reason for their visit. Glorfindel closed his eyes and concentrated on the voices as they approached.

"Erestor are you sure about this?"

"Of course. I'm sure. This is exactly what you need."

"But..."

"No buts. You were a warrior before, and you will be a warrior again. Lord Glorfindel!"

Glorfindel's eyes snapped open. So he had been right. This wasn't a social visit and judging by Erestor's use of his title he still wasn't ready to talk. "Good morning Councillor, Lady Athriel." Athriel looked at him in disbelief. Erestor had told her about what had happened. She still couldn't believe it. But seeing them acting so formal with one another brought it home. "I think it's about time that Athriel started her training again." Glorfindel nodded. He had wondered when he would be teaching her again. "Alright. Come on Athriel, let's get to work. You've got a lot of catching up to do."


	33. WHat Friends Are For

Note: I can see only one disadvantage to my new engagement. It is much harder to write Athrana when I am deliriously happy. I hope it doesn't show too much in my writing.

PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 33- What Friends Are For

TA3019, February

Athriel weighed the blade in her hand. It had been a long time since she had held a sword. She had always preferred knives but once upon a time she could wield any blade with deadly accuracy and lethal speed. Her twin blades had been lost in the battle all those years ago. She had lost so much then. Until she got new ones made she would have to use her old sword.

"Athriel? Are you ready" Glorfindel had dismissed his recruits so that they could spar without her getting embarrassed. "I'm a bit out of practice Findel" She hadn't used a weapon, any weapon in decades. Ever since she had escaped it had felt easier to use her hands, to rip them apart and feel their deaths. But that wasn't how things were done and for good reason. "You'll pick it up quickly enough" Glorfindel replied swinging his sword. Athriel sighed heavily before taking her stance. "Alright, come on then"

Elladan and Elrohir could hear clashing as they approached. Peering around the corner they grinned seeing Athriel and their captain sparing. It was almost like old times seeing her like this. They watched as finally the pair packed up to leave. Well Glorfindel made to leave but Athriel stayed behind. As the blonde walked away Athriel continued to practice her sword form.

_TA 176_

_As the rest of the recruits packed up Athriel moved off to one side. She wasn't ready to stop yet. Finally she had found her calling. Finally she could be who she wanted to be. And she was going to be the best. The twins didn't go very far after they left the training ground. Instead they stayed just out of sight and watched as she moved gracefully across the field._

"**We have to do something."**

"**We have to make up for the way we acted."**

While Athriel was still on the training field two figures crept to her door and slipped a note underneath it. They would make it up to her. They would be the friends they should have been. She was home and no matter what had happened to her and what she may become, she was their Athriel.

Athriel walked exhausted towards her rooms. Today had been a good day. Horrible revelations aside she had felt more alive than she had in years. She should have done this a long time ago. It was as if she was finally back where she belonged. Even if only for a short time she had felt as if she was herself again.

Opening the door she stopped. Lying there on the floor was a note. She stared at it for a long time. Before she knelt down to pick it up. She turned it over a couple of times looking at her name written in the familiar writing. Finally she unfolded the small piece of parchment.

_Athriel,_

_Wine and Pipe weed in our rooms tonight._

_Elladan & Elrohir_


	34. Temporary

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 34- Temporary

TA3019, February

Erestor stood in the middle of his bedroom wondering where to start. He had asked Glorfindel to come round to pick up some of his things. Seeing him earlier had been more difficult than he expected and he didn't want to run into the warrior any more than he had to for a while. He had wanted to pack a few things up before he arrived but he was having trouble.

"Erestor?" He turned around to see Athriel hovering in the doorway. She quietly walked in to stand beside him. "You don't have to do this you know. You could just ask him to come home" He really wanted to do that. He wanted to give in and ask Glorfindel to come home. But he couldn't, not yet. He shook his head. They had had this conversation earlier, and he didn't want to have it again. He opened the wardrobe door and started to remove his mate's things.

This was the easiest place to start. There were so many things around him that they had bought together. Over the years these rooms had been filled with things that didn't belong to one or the other of them but to both. How do you even begin to divide up century's worth of memories together. Compared to that clothes were easy, at least they should be.

Athriel watched him stuff tunics into a large sack. It was all her fault and she didn't know how to fix it. She had tried to talk Erestor around but to no avail. She had explained that she had asked Glorfindel to keep her existence a secret, that he had only been trying to protect him. But her brother was stubborn, and when he was upset he was even more so. Well she couldn't stand here all night, she had plans and this was something Erestor would have to deal with on his own. That was the problem she supposed. Erestor had never really dealt with things on his own. Glorfindel had always been there for him. "I'm going now Erestor. If you need me I'll be with the twins."

Erestor stopped when he heard the door close behind her. Slowly he put some of Glorfindel's things back into the wardrobe. It looked so empty with just his things in there. This wasn't going to be a permanent thing anyway. It couldn't be, he didn't think he could live like this for more than a few days. But he needed some space. It needed to be just him and Athriel for a while. They had never really done that. Then once she was settled they could work things out.

A knock on the front door brought him out of his thoughts. Taking a deep breath Erestor moved to the door. Opening it slowly he stepped back to let Glorfindel in. "Evening Erestor" the warrior said as he moved into the room. "Glorfindel" They stood for a while looking at each other not sure what to say.

Finally Erestor looked over at the sack on the bed. "I... eh... I started to pack some things, but I wasn't sure what you needed." Glorfindel smiled slightly. He found hope in Erestor's words. There was no anger, just sadness and confusion. It was as if Erestor had been asked to pack Glorfindel's things so that he could go out on patrol. Not as if he was banishing him from his life forever. There was hope for them yet. "I'm sure we'll make short work of it."

It wasn't long before Glorfindel was standing in the door again, this time with a sack thrown over his shoulder. He had packed only the essentials, leaving behind everything else. "Erestor?" he asked as he reached for the doorknob. "Please Fin, not now. I just need some time. I..." The blonde nodded. "Alright... Just... I love you Erestor"

The advisor watched as he left wondering yet again whether he was doing the right thing when all he wanted to do was run after his mate and drag him back. Eventually he turned away from the door and wiped his eyes.


	35. The Decision

Note: Sorry for the short chapter. It is really strange how my brain works. I have a job interview and instead of worrying and stressing out I had an overwhelming urge to write this chapter.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 35- The Decision

TA3019, February

Athriel raised her hand to knock and then stopped. She had been so happy a moment ago, excited to see her friends. But now, now her anxieties had caught up with her. Could she really do this? Could she act as if nothing had happened? Would they treat her differently? Would she act differently without knowing? Could she really be herself again? It was one thing playing with a sword out on the training ground with only Glorfindel to see, but it was another thing to have to interact with others. At one point she had known Elladan and Elrohir as well as she knew herself. But now she wasn't herself. Was she trying too much too fast? Was she trying too hard to get back into her routine?

Things were just as strained on the other side of the door. Elrohir was rearranging the coffee table while Elladan sat nervously twisting a braid between his fingers. Elrohir moved the bottle of wine again. Did that look right? Did everything look too contrived? Where they forcing this too much? **"Stop it Roh, you're making me nervous" **He moved the bottle back again. **"You're already nervous. Stop playing with your hair" **Elladan dropped the braid. **"I'm not playing with my hair"** The truth was they were terrified. They had no idea how to act, which was ridiculous. They were waiting for Athriel, their oldest and dearest friend. It shouldn't matter what she looked like, or what troubles she was facing, she was still Athriel. Should they tell her what they know or should they just act as if nothing had happened? They had never had any problems being around her before. It had all been so natural back then. Would they have that again or would it be awkward?

Athriel took a deep breath. _"You can reverse what was done to you if you remember who you were before and who you will be again. You have to stop being Athrana and become Athriel again." _She had to do this. They were a huge part of her life, a huge part of who she was. Besides she missed them. Every minute she had been away she had missed them. The only thing that had kept her going while she was in the wild was seeing them. The question now wasn't could she knock on the door, it was could she walk away without knocking on the door. This one moment would decide whether they tried to get back to where they had been or whether they would drift apart forever. She couldn't let that happen. She knocked.

Inside two identical heads snapped up to look at the door. This was it. For a single moment they didn't know what to do, they looked at one another before Elladan stood up. He pulled the door open and grinned. "Athriel, come in" The decision had been made; they would each try their hardest to get back to where they had been before. No matter how hard it was going to be, they had now promised it to themselves. Whatever happened now they would yet through it together?


	36. Like Old Times

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 36- Like old times

TA3019, February

Athriel sat stiffly on the edge of the long chair. She had made the decision to come in, to try and get back to her old life, to try and get back the relationship she used to have with her friends. But now she was here she didn't know what to do. How should she start? What should she say? How much should she tell them? She had no idea.

The tension could be felt throughout the room, but the twins weren't going to let it remain. Leaning over Elladan poured wine into three glasses and handed them out. "I think we have reason to celebrate" Elrohir nodded. "I agree" They raised their glasses. ""To renewed friendships"" Athriel laughed. They had always been able to do that. For some reason they always knew exactly what to say to make her feel better. She relaxed back into the chair and took a sip of her wine.

Elrond walked slowly down the door towards his rooms. It was late and he was exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't get much sleep. He was too worried. It seemed like everything was going wrong. Estel was gone, off with the Fellowship on an impossible quest. And even if they triumphed and the world was made safe again he would not return to Rivendell. He would become the king of Gondor and Elrond's only daughter would go with him. Dear Arwen, she had such faith. She truly believed that all of her dreams were going to come true. He had lost her the day they met, he knew that now. If Estel reclaimed the throne she would become a part of the world of men. She would give up everything to be with the man she loved. And that wasn't even the worst of it. If they failed... Elrond stopped himself before his thoughts continued. He did not want to go down that road, not until he had to.

As Elrond passed further down the corridor he heard the sound of laughter. He stopped. That sound, he had not heard that sound in a very long time. He had cursed it once, that sound keeping him up all night. Almost every night for centuries he had heard it, he grinned. It was as if a huge weight had been lifted. With that sound he remembered hundreds of similar nights. Nights when he had gone storming into his son's rooms, telling them to be quiet, that it was too late to be up drinking and laughing.

_TA231_

_After taking the time to escort Athriel back to her room in an attempt to prevent her inevitable return to his son's rooms, Elrond finally made it back to his bed. He shouldn't have been surprised, not really. Tomorrow was Athriel's Birthday, and not just any birthday, she was going to be 100, an adult. Of course they would plan something like this. Any excuse for the three of them. Elrond groaned as he sat down to remove his slippers. Celebrian laughed. "They are young, it is in their nature" She could always do that; she always knew exactly what he was thinking. "They are supposed to be adults. I shouldn't have to run around after them all the time."He felt the bed move as she sat up to lean over his shoulder. "They aren't hurting anyone." He huffed. "I'm sure Erestor would disagree with you, he's been planning this party for weeks and somehow they managed to get away with an entire case" As if on cue the laughter started up again. He knew he should have woken Erestor instead of just letting Athriel go back into her room. He stood up again. "I just wish they would hurry up and grow out of it." Celebrian shook her head. "I hope they don't. You'll really miss that sound when it's gone"_

She had been right, she usually was. That was what had been missing all these years. As if for the first time he realised that he had not heard his sons laugh since Athriel had been gone, not like this anyway. He pushed open the door and peered around the door frame. He couldn't see anyone but the bedroom door was open. Pushing that open he smiled. The three of them were standing on the balcony a single pipe passing between them as they talked. He felt like he had been transported back in time. Maybe there was hope left. Athriel had been through so much and yet here she was as if she had never left. Was it really so unreasonable to believe that Estel would triumph and that he and Arwen would be happy.

Usually by now he would have made his presence known, told them to quieten down and go to bed. This time however he crept out closing the door quietly behind himself. Feeling happier than he had in a while he continued on to his room. Maybe tonight he would be able to sleep.


	37. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 37- One step forward, two steps back

TA3019, February

Athriel opened her eyes and groaned. The light was too bright and her head pounded. She tried again prying her eyelids open. The first thing she saw was an empty bottle of wine on the floor. As she scanned the floor she saw another and another. Well that explained the headache. She sat up slowly. She had a horrible taste in her mouth and a crick in her back. She looked around again. There was a pipe on the bedside table and she was curled up across the end of the bed. Well mystery solved. She snorted seeing the two bodies tangled around each other at the top of the bed, they were still asleep.

Standing up Athriel stretched and straightened her dress. Last night had been wonderful, just like old times. They had talked and laughed, drank and smoked until they had passed out in a heap. It had been exactly what she had needed. They had reminded her of who she was, they hadn't treated her differently, and now she felt as if there was a ray of light at the end of the tunnel.

From the crumpled mess at the other end of the bed one eye opened and Elrohir watched Athriel moving through the room. He tried to stop himself from grinning. Last night had gone much better than they had expected. After her original stiffness Athriel had relaxed back into herself. It was surprising how easily the three of them had fallen back into their old ways. It was such a relief. At some point they would have to tell her what they knew, but not yet. They didn't want to spoil a perfect evening. Later they could talk, maybe even come up with a plan to help her.

Athriel stopped when she spotted something out of the corner of her eye. On the dressing table hidden behind a pile of clutter was a small box, a box she had never seen before. Curiosity getting the better of her she moved towards it.

"**Dan?" **Elladan moved slightly. He didn't want to get up yet, it was too early. **"Dan?" **He nudged his brother as he moved into a more comfortable position. **"What is it Roh? It's too early" **Elrohir sat up slowly so as not to alert Athriel to their presence. **"She's found the box Elladan" **Elladan's eyes snapped open.

Athriel reached out and moved the box forward so she could get a proper look at it. It was a trinket box, something you would use to keep important mementos in. She opened the lid and gasped. Inside were some of her things. The hair slide they had gotten her for her 100th birthday, an arrow tip from the first time she had beaten them at an archery contest, the flower Elladan had picked for her, and some other oddments. "What?..." This was her life, her life as they had seen it, a collection of things that meant something only to the three of them. It was a box of their grief after her death.

"Athriel?" She jumped, noticing that they were suddenly standing either side of her. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do. _"We thought we would fade over you Athriel."_ Elrohir had told her that, but the reality of it hadn't hit her until just now. What if they had done? What if she had been the reason for their deaths? What if she never fully recovered? Or if she became one of those vile creatures, what would happen to them then?

"I... I should go" Before they could stop her she was gone.


	38. Perspective

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 38- Perspective

TA3019, March 1st

It had been a couple of days since Athriel had spent the night in the twins' room. She had been avoiding them ever since. She knew it wasn't healthy but she couldn't see them yet. She didn't know how to react to what she had learned. She didn't even know what it meant. They had tried to see her a couple of hours after she had stormed off but she wouldn't open the door.

_Athriel sat silently on the edge of her bed. She felt numb. She couldn't even begin to understand what had happened that morning. She had no idea how to deal with it, any of it. Last night had been so wonderful; she had completely forgotten her troubles for that short time. But then it had all come crashing back. She had realised just how much she had hurt them with her disappearance. She had come to terms with te effect she had had on Erestor, and on Glorfindel, they were family. Their grief and their forgiveness were without question. But somehow knowing that Elladan and Elrohir had mourned her brought it home to her. The thought that they believed they would fade drove all coherent thought from her mind and left her empty._

_She jumped at the knock on her door. "Athriel? Athriel are you in there?" She didn't move. "Athriel we need to speak to you" She didn't move a muscle. "Please Athriel" She didn't even blink. Instead she waited until they gave up. They knew she was in here, they knew that she was ignoring them. She just couldn't deal with it just now._

_Finally she sensed that they had given up. She could tell how hurt they were. A tear fell down her cheek but she still didn't move. She heard one of them put something on the floor outside her door and then they left. She knew what she would find when she opened the door, so she didn't move. Instead she continued to sit staring off into space._

_She heard the movement as Erestor came along the hall on the way to his rooms. She heard him stop in front of her door as he picked up the box they had left. She wondered briefly what time it was. Was it noon? Was that why Erestor was here, to have his lunch in his rooms? Or had they told him? Had he come to make sure she was ok? She heard him open the door to his rooms, and she heard him stop by the connecting door. Still she didn't move, she couldn't, not yet. She heard the door open and followed the progression of footsteps till he was standing infront of her. "This was left outside of your door" He said putting the box down on the bed next to her._

_Finally she moved. She turned her head to look at the box, the object that meant so much that she didn't understand, that she couldn't comprehend. She didn't notice when Erestor left the room. All of her attention was on the box and the note that sat on top of it._

_**We wanted you to have this. We don't need them anymore, now that we have you back.**_

_**Elladan & Elrohir**_

_Athriel picked the note up, crumpling it in her hands as she cried._

Apart from that she had tried her best to get back into a routine. She had picked up her training where it had left off, she spent her evenings with Erestor and she spent time with Arwen. But there was a huge hole. Life wasn't the same without them. It never could be. But how could she have them back in her life when she didn't believe she deserved their forgiveness, she didn't deserve them in her life. Sighing Athriel left her rooms. She was spending the morning with Arwen and she really should be on her way.

Erestor sighed as he watched her go. He had tried to convince her to seek out the twins but to no avail. She was as stubborn as him after-all. There was nothing he could do except be there for her. Now that she had disappeared he made his way to the library. He had work to do. Life didn't stand still, no matter how much he wanted it to.

Upon reaching the library doors he stopped. They were in there again, he could tell. The last couple of days he had been able to hear them moving around as he got to the doors. Looking for some miracle cure. Some magical saviour that would bring their old lives back. Erestor knew better than to believe in that. He knew that only hard work and a lot of emotional trauma would get Athriel back to herself. But she didn't begrudge them their hope. They had been denied the opurtunity to help her directly, so now they did all that they could.

Opening the door Erestor saw them sitting there across from each piles of books surrounding them. Maybe they were looking for something to blame, something to fight. That was what they had done when their mother had left. "Morning boys" He said. Two identical hands raised but they didn't look up from what they were reading.

Erestor sat down with his head in his hands. Watching the three of them had really put things into perspective for him. He had been too quick to blame Glorfindel. And now he was letting his pride and stubbornness keep them apart. He had to do something, he just didn't know what. If he got up the courage to ask him to come home, would he? Had he ruined everything? Erestor looked out of the window and saw a flash of gold. In that moment he made his decision.


	39. Mortality

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 39- Mortality

TA3019, March 1st

Athriel knocked softly on the door and waited for Arwen to invite her in. The last couple of days had been incredibly difficult but she didn't know how to fix it. It was just too much to see them just now. The only thing that kept her going where her visits with Arwen, her training and of course Erestor. Anything to distract her from what she had done to the twins.

As the door opened Athriel cold sense that something was wrong. The room seemed less bright and there was an air of sadness. It wasn't Arwen who had opened the door, but her father Lord Elrond. He looked sadly at her face and Athriel began to panic. "What's wrong?" she asked, but the Lord of the valley didn't say anything. Instead he just indicated for her to go inside and left.

Athriel peered around the door frame frantically. She relaxed slightly when she saw Arwen sitting by the window. She was ok, everything was fine. On top of everything else she didn't know how she would be able to cope if anything happened to her. Arwen was like a little sister to her, she had watched her grow. Slowly she walked over to the window and sat down. "Is everything alright?" She asked. Arwen nodded but didn't turn away from the window. "Everything's fine. It's as it should be" she said sadly. Athriel couldn't understand what was happening. Something had changed she just didn't know what it was. That was until Arwen finally turned to face her.

Athriel gasped. The light had gone from Arwen's eyes; the light of their kind had gone from her. The Evenstar had chosen mortality. "Why?" she asked although she knew the answer, Estel. "Aragorn. My place is with him, not in Valinor" That explained the sadness she had seen in Elrond's eyes as well as the sadness she felt within herself. Arwen would be lost to them. If Estel failed she would fade, and if he succeeded she would stay here with him and never sail. She couldn't now, she was a mortal now. Athriel couldn't help it; she pulled her little sister into a hug and cried.

For a long time they just sat there holding each other, until Arwen pulled back. She wiped the tears from Athriel's face and smiled. "There is no reason to cry Riel. Aragorn will succeed, and I will be happy." She nodded trying to remind herself that this was Arwen's decision. She had chosen this; it hadn't been forced on her. As Peredhil she had always had the choice. Suddenly she sat up straight, what of the twins, they also had that choice. What would they do now that their sister had chosen mortality? "Do they know?" She asked. Arwen nodded. "Ada was on his way to tell them when you arrived"

Athriel stood; she had to speak to them. She had to know what they were going to do. She turned towards the door and stopped. "I..." She started. She couldn't just run out of Arwen's rooms without explanation. But the younger elf smiled. "I know" she smiled back before she caught Arwen in another embrace. "Promise me you'll be happy Arwen, really happy" she whispered into her ear. Arwen laughed and whispered back. "Promise me you won't let them choose as I did, not for my sake." They pulled back at the same time and answered together. "I promise"

As soon as the door closed behind her Athriel set off at a run. It was ridiculous and irrational, but she couldn't help it. She had to get to their rooms as fast as she could. She had to. The past couple of days vanished as she ran. It didn't matter anymore what her 'death' had done to them, it didn't matter the guilt she had felt. All that mattered was that they needed her now, like they had when their mother had sailed.

She skidded to a halt when she reached the door. It was open a crack so she peered through it. She could make them out sitting side by side looking like lost children. Elrond was still there standing by the window, obviously trying to keep his composure. Taking a deep breath she knocked. "Enter" She wasn't surprised when she heard Elrond's voice inviting her in, rather than theirs. Slowly she opened the door and stepped inside. Without thinking she strode past Elrond without a word and sat between the twins. As one they snuggled into her. As she stroked a hand down each back she watched as Elrond leave. _Thank you_ he mouthed when he reached the door. She just nodded. They would be ok, they had to be.


	40. Being There

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 40- Being There

TA3019, March 1st

Athriel sat for a long time waiting until they were ready to talk. Eventually they sat up again wiping their eyes. Athriel breathed a sigh of relief. They were ok, at least they would be. They had come to terms with what would happen to their sister. Now they would figure out what it was they could do. They sat in silence the three of them just sitting next to one another. Athriel knew that they were talking to each other silently. She had seen them do it so many times over the years. When they couldn't put into words what they felt they shared their thoughts as they tried to get their minds in order. She wouldn't leave. Instinctively she knew they needed her there, even though she wasn't included in their conversation. What they needed was her silent support. A reminder that the rest of their world was still there.

She stood only when she heard a quiet knock on the door. Extracting herself she went to open the door. Elrond had had the foresight to send them midday meal. Thanking the kitchen maid who had brought it, Athriel took the tray and placed it on the coffee table. "You need to eat something" she said. They nodded looking more like elflings than ever, but they didn't move to take any food. Sighing Athriel laid the three plates side by side and piled them high. Then she thrust two of the full plates into their hands. "Eat!" When they just looked at her blankly she lost her temper. "If you don't eat something, I'll go and get Arwen so she can see you acting like children when you should be happy for her!" That did it. They snapped out of their trance.

Elladan stood up slamming his plate back onto the table. "Happy! How are we supposed to be happy? Our sister is going to die!" Athriel stood her ground as Elladan advanced. "Do not yell at me Elladan Elrondion. Yes Arwen will die EVENTUALLY, but that is her choice. She chose mortality so that she can be with Estel. She is not going to die today, or next week. She will die when she has lived her life, a full and happy life with the man that she loves!" It was only now that Elrohir decided to speak. "Only if Estel succeeds. What happens if he fails" He didn't raise his voice, he didn't even look up. "He won't fail" she said and meant it. "Arwen believes that he can win, so why don't you. You were confident enough in his abilities to let him leave. And suddenly now that you know exactly what is at stake you don't believe in him anymore." Elladan sat down again. "That's not what we meant."

Athriel sat down between them again. "I know it's difficult, but this is Arwen's choice. And she's already made it. Getting angry or upset won't change what has happened to her, or what will happen in the future. This is something she needs to do for herself so that she can be happy. Now you are going to eat your meal, then you are going to go wash your faces and go and visit your sister so that she knows that she still has her brother's support." With that she picked up her own plate and glared at them until they did the same.

Soon she was walking them down the hall to their sister's rooms. She pushed them through the door and turned to leave. Just then the door opened again and the twins swept her into a hug. "Thank you Athriel" was whispered in one ear. "We're glad we finally have you back" She laughed. "Whatever would you do without me?" Arwen stood in the doorway and grinned. "I'm glad they'll never have to find out" she said ushering her brothers back inside.

As the door closed behind them again Athriel made her way back to her rooms. Once inside she went straight to the wardrobe. She knew them well enough to know that this wasn't the end. They had been perfectly happy to let Estel reach his destiny on his own before, but not now. They would ride out to help him as soon as they could, and there was no way she was going to let them do that alone. She took out her cloak and laid it out on the bed beside her old armour and sword. She wished she had had enough foresight to have new knives ordered, but it was too late now. They wouldn't wait very long. If she knew them at all they would be leaving in the morning. She grinned. How's that for getting back into her routine.


	41. Leaving

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 41- Leaving

TA3019, March 2nd

As quietly as possible Athriel made ready to go out. She wanted to get to the training ground as early as she could and she didn't want to wake Erestor. Now that she had decided she was going to war she was worried. She had no idea whether she would be able to control herself out there. Picking up her sword on the way out, she opened the door and stopped. Erestor was standing there with his arms folded. "Morning Res" she said sweetly, sword resting on her shoulder. "Don't you 'morning res' me. Where are you going?" Rolling her eyes Athriel walked back into her room with her brother on her tail. "I'm going down to the training grounds for some extra practice. Have you spoken to Glorfindel yet?" She sat down on the long chair and looked expectantly up at her brother. "Don't change the subject Athriel. I'm not an idiot. I know what's going on."

Sighing he sat next to her. "I just don't want you to go, not yet." She closed her eyes. "I know you don't but I have to. I can't just sit here. You want me to get back into my old life, and this is my old life." Erestor leant back looking up at the ceiling. "I know. I just wish... nothing. Just come back this time." She looked at him in shock. "Of course I'm coming home." She grabbed his hand. "I'm coming back Erestor, I promise. I just have to do this. I'm not running away, I'm finally getting my life back. Estel needs them, and they need me. And when I come home I'm going to be more myself than I was before. You'll see."

By the time Athriel finally reached the training grounds her mind was working overtime. How was she going to get it through to her brother that she was coming back? How was he going to cope while she was gone? And worst of all; what did Erestor wish? Memories ran through her mind. All the times he had tried to get her to act like a lady, all the arguments they had when she revealed she wanted to be a warrior, the secret training with Glorfindel terrified he would find out, and now. Did he wish she was different? Was she really that bad a sister?

"He's just worried about you" Glorfindel was standing against one of the targets, as if he was waiting for her. "Have you been following him Findel" she asked sitting down on the ground. He laughed moving to sit next to her. "No. I just know how he thinks, and I know how you think." He pulled a package from behind his back. "I got you something; you'll need it when you leave today." She pulled the fabric open and gasped. She pulled out the two knives and grinned. "I placed the order the first night after you started training again. I figured you'd need them soon enough, and judging by everything that happened yesterday I was right." With that he stood up and turned to leave. "Glorfindel?" He turned back. "He really misses you, you know." He nodded. "I know. We'll sort it out don't worry." With that he was gone.

Elladan and Elrohir checked their packs for the final time before heading towards the stables. For one moment it was as if they had gone back in time.

_Elladan and Elrohir were in the stables readying the horses when Athriel came in. They watched her tack up her horse before Elladan spoke. "What do you think you are doing Athriel?" he asked. "You're not coming with us" Elrohir added. She laughed. "Of course I am." _

Standing there as they approached their horses was Athriel adjusting the saddle on her horse. "Ree, what are you doing?" She didn't even turn around. "What do you think I'm doing?" They all knew where this was going, but they continued anyway. "We can't let you come with us." She shook her head. "You don't have any choice. I'm coming with you and that's that." But they couldn't do it, not this time. They couldn't let her get herself killed for them, not again. ""NO!"" They shouted together. Athriel's eyes took on a dangerous glint as she spun around. "I'm going with you, and you can't stop me. I am doing this for the same reasons you are. Estel needs help, he needs to know what Arwen has done for him, he needs the sword of his people and he needs the Dunedain. I am doing this for him, and for Arwen to make sure she gets her happiness and I'm doing this for you two. Because there is no way I'm letting you go out there on your own. Do you really think you care more about them than I do? They may be your family, but they are mine as well. I am coming with you, so deal with it!"

With that she pulled her steed out into the courtyard while they stared after her. Finally they snapped out of it and ran after her. Elladan reached her first and grabbed her arm. "Wait! Athriel stop!" She shrugged him off. "What?" Elrohir grabbed her other arm. "That isn't the only reason we are doing this." She shrugged him off as well. "What do you mean?" As they pulled her back towards the stables Elrohir removed a scroll from his pack. "We know Ok, we know what's happening to you" She tensed beside them "And we think we can stop it" What, how could they. There was nothing that could help her, nothing she wasn't already doing. "The Orcs weakened when Sauron was defeated the last time..." She looked between the two of them as they spoke. "...If he is destroyed, completely eradicated. We think you'll go back to normal."

Athriel stared at them blankly. That was ridiculous; it was one of the stupidest things she had ever heard. But she didn't want to shatter their hope. Maybe this would keep them going, help them to do what they needed to do to help their foster brother. "Alright" She said nodding. "But I'm still coming with you."


	42. Those Left Behind

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 42- Those left behind

TA3019, March 2nd

Erestor opened the connecting door and sighed. Everything was so quiet. He grinned then he noticed the mess she had left. It was always the same when she went out on some errand or another. He knew she needed to do this and worrying wasn't making her come home any faster, but he was terrified. The last time he had seen her riding out like this, she had been going to her death. He couldn't live through that again. As he stood looking around her rooms he expected two arms to snake around his waist, but they didn't. He felt so alone.

Glorfindel stood by the window and watched as they disappeared into the distance. They would be OK, they had to be. Despite what he had said to Athriel that morning he was terrified. Yes she had looked after herself for 80yrs and the Brethren were accomplished warriors, but he was scared. If he thought it would help he would have begged Elrond to let him go, but he was needed here.

He stayed looking out of the window long after they had gone. He wondered how Erestor was taking this. He wanted more than anything to go and find him, but he couldn't. He wouldn't force himself back into the councillor's life. Erestor had his independence now, and he didn't want to take that away from him. If Erestor wanted him back, he would let him know.

He had been so caught up in his thoughts Glorfindel jumped when he heard the knock on the door. Who would be knocking on his door? Slowly he walked over and turned the handle...

_TA1975_

_Glorfindel was exhausted, but at least now he was clean. The first thing he had done when he arrived home was take a long relaxing bath. It had been exactly what he needed. It was as if the hot water had evaporated all of the stress in his body. He had washed away everything that had happened on the battle field. He was no longer Glorfindel of the Golden Flower, the reborn Warrior and Slayer of the Balrog, he was just Glorfindel and he was home._

_The moment he and Asfaloth had crossed the borders he had been so relieved. It was as if his body didn't know how to relax unless he was here in the valley. As always Erestor had met him in the courtyard. His best friend would always greet him with a relieved smile with Athriel by his side. But somehow things had felt different. Athriel had been the same as always laughing and joking with him before running off with the twins to cause some mischief, but Erestor. Erestor had been different. Yes the relieved smile had still been there, and he had been greeted with an embrace, but something was off. As they had walked together towards their rooms he had asked the advisor what was wrong, but he hadn't received an answer. He seemed distracted and nervous, so different from the way he usually acted. As they reached their doors, Erestor had made some excuse, leaving Glorfindel to his bath. Now the warrior having finished bathing stood in nothing but a towel contemplating his friend's behaviour._

_Suddenly the door knocked and Glorfindel looked up who would be knocking on his door. Everyone knew that he was recently returned from battle. Only one elf would disturb him now, but Erestor hardly ever bothered to knock. They had been friends for so long. Without thought he strode towards it and turned the handle. On the other side stood Erestor, looking as nervous and distracted as he had before. "What's wrong?" Glorfindel asked seeing how upset he looked. Without saying anything Erestor propelled himself towards the blonde and kissed him deeply. Before he even had time to react Glorfindel missed the contact as Erestor pulled back. He could do nothing but stare in shock as the councillor finally spoke. "Have dinner with me tonight?" He asked, but all Glorfindel could do was nod._

Glorfindel opened the door wide trying to banish his memories. On the other side just like before stood Erestor. He was twisting his hands and looking at him nervously. "Erestor what's wrong?" the warrior asked, although he already knew the answer. Propelling himself into his mates arms Erestor pulled himself against the strong chest. Without thinking Glorfindel put his arms around the smaller elf and closed his eyes. It was as if he was finally back where he belonged. "She's gone Findel, she just left." Sighing Glorfindel did his best to calm him. "Shh Shh, it's alright. She'll be fine and she'll be back home in no time. You'll see." As he stood there he hoped frantically that his words would come true. For all of their sakes.


	43. One Day At A Time

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 43- One Day At A Time

TA3019, March 2nd

Athriel sat against a tree as they made camp. She was not used to this. It had been a long time since she had ridden at all, let alone such a long distance. Everything ached. She sighed happily as she leant back closing her eyes. "Comfy?" She looked up to see Elladan grinning at her as he made the fire. "I'm fine thank you" she said closing her eyes again, waiting for the indignation. She laughed as something hit her from across the fire pit. "Get up you lazy elleth and help" With an exaggerated sigh Athriel stood up and helped them make camp.

"Seriously, how are you?" Elrohir asked as she helped him look after the horses. "I'm fine, really. Just a little sore. It's been a long time since I last rode anywhere." She petted her steed affectionately on the nose, just to prove there were no hard feelings before letting him wonder off in search of water. "You'll get used to it" She nodded. "I know."

Pulling the blankets out of his and his brother's packs Elladan watched them talk. It was strange to have her back after all these years. Technically she had been back home for a few days, but somehow being out here in the wild with her made it real. He just wanted to sit back and enjoy this, but her answers to Elrohir's questions gave him questions of his own. She had told them about her capture and what she remembered of the torture she endured, but she had so far avoided talking about how she had survived out here, on her own. How had she found enough to eat? What had she eaten? How had she moved around? What had she been doing all this time?

Suddenly he remembered the dream he and his brother had shared that night, the night after they had seen her again for the first time. They had known then what she had been doing out in the wild all this time. He remembered exactly what those vile creatures had done to her, what they were turning her into. Just now she was Athriel, their Athriel, but what about in battle? Who would she be?

"**Dan, don't" **Elrohir said in his mind as they sat down. As always their thoughts had been the same. **"We can help her remember. When this is all over she will be normal again." **He was right, they couldn't think like this. They should be enjoying the fact that they were here, the three of them.

Athriel sat down and looked into the fire. She wasn't stupid, she knew where their thoughts had gone, and she usually did. She saw the way they sat, the way they moved. She remembered what they had said that morning. _"__We know Ok, we know what's happening to you"_ It had taken their entire journey so far for it to sink in. They knew what was happening to her, they knew she was becoming a monster. Now they were thinking exactly what she was. How would she cope when they finally had to fight? How would they cope if she lost control? Would they still hold on to the ridiculous belief that destroying Sauron would cure her? Would they ever look at her the same way? Would this be the final straw?

Athriel jumped when Elrohir placed a bowl in her hands. She looked down and the food in front of her. "You need to eat something Athriel" She looked up again. "Thanks" They looked exactly the same as they always had, they were acting the same. They weren't treating her any different. She could do this. All she had to do was live in the moment. She had been so good at this once. She could just be happy one day at a time. This was what they used to do; this was how they used to be the three of them. She smiled over at them. She could do this.

Seeing her smile the twins relaxed. It didn't matter what happened tomorrow. Today they were alive and it was just the three of them. Today they were happy. No matter what else was going on, they were happy.


	44. Dunedain

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 44- Dunedain

TA3019, March 3rd

Athriel was getting impatient. They could have been continuing with their journey, but instead they were waiting here. Really she understood why they were here. They had the banner Arwen had made for Estel, they had the remade sword and they had themselves. But Estel needed his people as well. He needed the support of his kin both elven and mortal. She just wished they would hurry up.

To be honest she wanted this meeting over and done with. She was dreading it. Athriel was terrified. She didn't know how they were going to react to her. For centuries she had fought alongside the Dunedain with the twins, but that was a long time ago. It was unlikely that any of these men would remember her, and even if there were any amongst them old enough she looked so different. Would they be able to accept fighting alongside someone like her? Someone who was as much an orc as she was an elf. Would Elladan and Elrohir even tell them about that side of her? And if they didn't how would the men react when they saw her fight? How would they react to the scars that covered her body? She wondered whether her presence would affect how they saw the brethren. To most men the elves were magical beings. Perfect in every way and incorruptible. Would it shatter their faith to see her? Would they lose all confidence seeing what she had become at the hands of the enemy?

From her perch up in the tree tops Athriel scanned the horizon. There was still no sign of them. She huffed. At least there were no orcs about. They had been lucky so far. She knew eventually she would have to face the enemy in battle, but she didn't think she could deal with that right now. Not while she was worrying about Estel's kin.

Elrohir looked up into the tree tops again. Elladan nudge him. **"Stop it Roh. She's fine" **Elrohir looked back towards the fire. **"No she isn't she's worrying again" **He picked up a twig and threw it into the flames. **"And you aren't" **To be honest they were just as worried. When they had left the valley they hadn't thought this far ahead. Unlike Athriel they weren't worried about how she would react. They trusted her more than she trusted herself. They knew that even if she lost control she would not harm them, or any of the men. They didn't even know how they knew that, they just did.

What worried them was how the Dunedain would react to her. For centuries they had travelled with them, they were Estel's men, his kin. But Athriel was more important to them. They had no idea what to tell them when they got here. How much should they explain?

Before they could answer their own questions Athriel dropped down between them. "They will be here in an hour" She said quietly. From either side an arm went around her shoulders. Not saying anything the three of them watched the flames.

Back in Imladris Erestor stood out on his balcony looking out towards the trees. "She's out there somewhere." Two arms snaked around his waist and he smiled. "And she's fine." Erestor leant back into the body behind him. "What if she isn't Fin" The arms held him tighter. "She is. I know she is, and so do you. She is good at what she does, she always has been and the twins are with her. They won't let anything happen to her." Erestor moved away from the comforting embrace. "Because they did so well the last time." Glorfindel followed him inside and pulled him down to sit beside him. "That's not fair Erestor." The advisor sighed. "I know, I'm just so scared."

"We all are"


	45. Distrust

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 45- Distrust

TA3019, March 4th

Athriel hadn't slept all night. The Dunedain had finally arrived the night before, and after a short introduction they had appeared to except her as just another warrior. That was until the looks had started. They were as subtle as they could be about it, but they were mortals, she had seen it. At first she had assumed it was just her paranoia, but throughout the night it had just gotten worse. They were avoiding her and they didn't trust her. It was so different from the last time she had travelled with them. Then she had been accepted immediately. She was an Elven warrior and a close friend of the Legendary Elladan and Elrohir. Now it seemed that wasn't enough.

Now she was a twisted thing, something they had never seen before. So different to what they knew of their kind. After hours of living with their looks Athriel had finally given up and curled up to sleep. She had seen the concerned looks the twins had given her as she pulled the blanket over herself but she ignored it. It didn't work she could still feel the gazes of the men on her. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to live like this.

Now she was sitting by the fire waiting for the others to wake up. The sooner everyone was awake the sooner they could get moving. Maybe she would feel better once they caught up with Estel. Well at least while she was here she could do something useful. Pulling the pack towards her she set about making breakfast. They would all need their strength today.

When Elladan woke he looked towards where Athriel had slept. **"She's awake already" **Turning towards his brother instead they shared a worried look. They had noticed how she had been treated the night before, how could they not. They just didn't know how to fix it. As one they turned to the fire where Athriel was stirring what looked like porridge. Here and there the men were stirring, but they still looked with distrust at their friend. **"How is she supposed to heal like this?"** Elladan asked. Elrohir shook his head. **"We have to do something" **As one they stood and moved to sit either side of her by the fire. "That looks good" Elrohir said helping himself to a bowl. "Could have fooled me" she muttered. The twins shared a look over her head. The men must be hungry, but they were avoiding the fireside like the plague.

While Elrohir tucked into the food Elladan watched Athriel. He could see her becoming more agitated by the second. When she became so self conscious that she pulled her hood over her face he lost his temper. "Enough!" he yelled. **"Dan, stay calm" **Lowering his voice slightly he turned to his brother. "No Elrohir. I've had enough." Then he turned back towards the men, men he had fought beside countless times, men he thought he knew. "It is hard for me to believe that you are kin to our brother, and kin to ourselves. For 400 hundred years we have fought alongside you and your ancestors, and for most of that time Athriel fought with us. And now you avoid her, why?"

Athriel sat in shock. She turned to the younger twin. "Roh, do something" she said but he shook his head. "It needs said" Receiving no answer Elladan continued. "I know why, and I'm ashamed. Ashamed that you could think as much. Athriel is an Elven warrior and she gave up everything for your people. Those marks that you are so afraid of, she gained them protecting your leader. She gained them so that we could get the future king back to safety when he was only a child. You will treat her with respect!"

Shocked into compliance the men gathered around the fire, but Athriel would not remove her hood. Instead she placed her head on Elrohir's shoulder while Elladan sat on her other side. It would take more than their word for them to trust her. But she could get through this. She could prove herself. When the time came she would do all that she could to keep control.

Soon they were on the way and the journey went swiftly. While they rode Athriel could ignore the men. She kept her horse between those of the twins and kept her concentration on the path ahead. She was starting to think that she could cope with this, when she felt something in the back of her mind. Of course it would be too much to expect. She couldn't avoid them out here in the wild, especially when she was riding out to war. As they day wore on she felt them closer and closer, the orc. As soon as it was ark they would attack.

"They're coming" she said loud enough for the brothers to hear but to quiet for the men. "Who's coming?" She tried to keep herself calm. "Yrch" She felt rather than saw them tense beside her. "How far?" She concentrated on the feel of them. "They will be upon us when it gets dark." Already she could feel the anger burning in her blood but she had to hold on. She had to. "We should stop here" Elrohir whispered "Make ready for their attack." Elladan nodded before signalling a halt. "We stop here."

They stopped but they looked at him in confusion. "Why, should we not continue?" Halbarad asked. They still had a long way to go if they were going to be of any use to Aragorn. "There are orcs in these woods, not far from here. If we stay here we will be ready for them. If we continue we may be caught in an ambush." Elrohir explained as he dismounted. "How do you know?" The man asked them, but he was looking at Athriel. Losing his composure once again Elladan grabbed his foster brother's second in command. "I like you Halbarad, but don't push your luck."


	46. Attack

Note: It seems I am being possessed by the spirit of Athriel. I can't seem to stop writing her.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 46- Attack

TA3019, March 4th

Athriel watched the fire as they waited. It wouldn't be long now; they were getting closer and closer. With every step they took she could feel them more and more. Before, when she was on her own, it had felt like an advantage. Now that she knew the reasons behind it she was terrified. Every step that brought them closer, brought her closer to her own destruction. Every ounce of control she lost brought her further away from herself. Rubbing her hands together again and again Athriel closed her eyes. She could do this. She could do this. She was a warrior. She was Athriel. She was not a monster.

Standing suddenly Athriel strode towards her horse. If she was going to do this she was going to do it properly. Removing her cloak she put it down beside her pack. Then she took the knives Glorfindel had given her and strapped them to her back. She was a warrior. A warrior of Imladris. Glorfindel of the Golden Flower was her captain. He had trained her well and she would not let him down. Her brother was Chief Councillor Erestor, the wisest of their lord's advisors. She would not let him down, not again. She would stand now with the Brethren who she had trained beside, who she had laughed drank and grown beside, she would not let them down. Long ago she made a promise to Lady Celebrian, now over the sea. She would not let her down. She was on her way to aid the future king of Gondor, the child she had helped save. She would not let him down. Their mission was the only hope of Lady Arwen, the Evenstar who she loved as a sister. She would not let her down. And Lord Elrond was her lord, who had made her see who she was and who she could be. She would not let him down. She would face her enemies, both external and internal and she would not fear. This was what she lived for. This was who she was. She took her helmet from where it hung on her saddle and pulled it onto her head. She was Athriel. She would not let them down.

As the creatures broke through the trees Athriel stood her ground. She was not afraid. As the first of them reached her she swung her blades around and cut him down. She was not afraid. Adrenaline had taken over now and she moved as if she was dancing. If the circumstances hadn't been so dire she would have laughed. It felt so natural. This was the way things were supposed to be.

To her right the twins fought together as one. Their movements as graceful as hers. They had nothing to worry about now. She was right there with them as she always had been. But then it happened. Distracted by their relief Elrohir missed the approach of an orc as it moved towards him. Elladan also noticed the approach to late. Athriel however did not miss it. Seeing the uncharacteristic mistake Athriel lunged towards the creature. As she landed the anger took over. Her knives lay forgotten on the ground as she ripped her enemy apart with her bare hands. From that moment on she knew nothing except the taste of their blood and the feel of their flesh.


	47. Not This Time

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 47- Not this time

TA3019, March 4th

As the last orc fell Athriel came back to herself and she realised what she had done. "No! No, no, no" She had been so careful, she had tried so hard and she had nearly beaten it. Now she was right back where she started. Looking down she saw her blood soaked hands. "No, please no" Feeling a hand on her shoulder she pulled away from it. "Don't touch me, don't"

Elladan let his hand drop. What he had seen shocked him to the very core. It was one thing to know what she had done, to see the aftermath of her destruction but it was another thing to see it firsthand. But he also knew what had started it. She had been in control before and he had seen the trigger that sent her over the edge. If she hadn't intervened Elrohir would be dead. If she hadn't intervened he would be half of what he was, and then he would have faded. He couldn't live without his twin. And he couldn't live without her, neither of them could. They had tried once and it didn't work. "Athriel?" she couldn't hear him, she was too busy panicking.

As Elrohir grabbed her other side, Elladan grabbed her shoulder again. ""Athriel!"" They said together. She looked up at them and stepped back. "No, no, no" It was too much. She couldn't do it, she couldn't face them. She looked past them and towards the men, they looked terrified. Pushing her friends away she jumped up into the tree tops and ran as fast as she could through the branches.

"**We have to go after her" **Elladan sent to his brother as Elrohir glanced back at the men. **"I know, but what about them" **They couldn't just run off with no explanation, but they couldn't let her go either. "My Lords?" Halbarad asked stepping forwards. He didn't usually call them by their titles, but he had been in their bad books enough recently. They turned to him instantly, he continued. "Go after her, we will pile the bodies and burn them." He had seen enough to satisfy him as to the elleth's motives. Yes like the others he had been shocked by her destruction, but he had also seen the trigger as they had. Through the chaos somehow all of his men had come through unscathed, and now they all knew who she was. They had the protection of 'The Shadow' it seemed.

Nodding slightly the twins jumped into the branches after her. **"She always was the faster even in full armour" **Elrohir commented as they scanned the trees around them. **"There" **Elladan pointed out into the distance. Through the trees he could make out a small body of water and by it, knelt Athriel. Moving as fast as they could, within moments they were behind her. "Did you really think we would let you go" She snorted. "Of course not, you're not smart enough to know what's good for you." They laughed sitting down either side of her. "We know what's good for us, and we aren't letting her leave again." She sighed looking down at her reflection. "Was anybody hurt?" She asked finally. "No, and you made sure of that."

"What?" Athriel looked between them. "I lost control. I'm a monster" As one they moved closer on each side trapping her between them. "You're not a monster Ree, nobody believes that." She was having a hard time believing that. "After what I did how can you say that?" They laughed pulling her to her feet. "Because it's true. Now come on, they will be waiting for us" Without another word of explanation they manoeuvred her so that they could remove her armour and push her into the water diving in after her. "What do you think you are doing?" she asked. "We are getting you clean so that we can go back to camp and have a nice hot meal" It was amazing how they could do that. Somehow they managed to make everything better.

When they finally made their way back to the camp Athriel's anxiety caught up with her. Until she was forced to sit by the fire. She glanced around nervously but no one was looking at her strangely, in fact some of the men raised their hands in greeting. She was in shock as Halbarad approached her handing her a bowl of stew. "We are really sorry about how we have been treating you my lady. For a long time the Shadow has kept us safe, we owe you much." With that he walked away leaving her to stare in disbelief after him. "See, no one thinks you are a monster" She shook her head blankly. "Athriel" her head snapped up. "Eat your stew"


	48. Fair Trade?

Note: I just wanted to say that I have started another story featuring Athriel. It is called 'Raising Athriel' and explores Athriel's childhood with Erestor and Glorfindel. I wanted to get a little deeper into Erestor and Glorfindel's relationship as well as Athriel as a child. Please read it and let me know what you think.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 48- Fair trade?

TA3019, March 4th

Athriel sat up watching the fire long after everyone had turned in. She had volunteered for the first watch so that she would have time to think. She didn't know what to make of the day's events. Yes she had lost control, but somehow the men trusted her now. Was that a good thing or not. She hated what she had done today, and suddenly these men respected her. Men saw the world differently to the elves. They liked her now because she had the ability to protect them. She could kill quicker than any of them could. But that wasn't a fair trade. No amount of respect was worth what she became. It was not worth losing herself to the darkness.

But there was one thing that was worth it. She turned to look at the two figures curled up not far from where she sat. She would do anything to protect them, no matter what it did to her, and that scared her. How could someone else's life mean more to her than her own. Again she thought about her conversation with Elrohir in the library. _"We thought we would fade over you Athriel." He said finally as she sat next to him. They didn't look at each other; they just sat side by side. "You didn't though" she said "Isn't that a good thing."_ Now he knew how she felt. If either of them had been injured today she didn't know what she would do. And if either had died, she surely would have faded along with the other. And if she hadn't she would have hated herself forever. Was that how they felt? They had expected to fade over her. When they hadn't how had they felt? How would she have coped had their positions been exchanged? Not very well she realised. Life wouldn't be worth living without them.

For all of her thinking Athriel still didn't know what she was going to do. How was she going to get through this war? She couldn't let herself lose control again, that much she knew. She had managed for a while hadn't she, until they had needed her. That's when she had lost it, that moment when nothing else mattered. That single second when their safety outweighed everything else. So all she needed to do was stay out of situations where they needed her help. Well that was going to be real easy, seen as they were on their way to the war that would hopefully end all wars.

"My Lady?" She looked up to see the man who would relieve her. Well thinking time is over, and you still don't have a plan, she thought. Thanking the man she moved over to where her blanket lay next to the twins. Caring very little for what the mortals would think she pried the two bodies apart and snuggled between them. If she was going to get through this, she was going to enjoy every moment that she could. And right now she needed to feel safe and secure with her friends.

Just before dawn Elladan and Elrohir awoke and shared a confused look. They hadn't woken up like this in a long time. Aside from their childhood, the only times they had woken like this had been when the three of them had drank far too much and passed out together. She really must have been feeling vulnerable when she came to bed the night before. Shrugging the snuggled back down under the blankets. Just a couple more minutes, then they would get up.


	49. Isengard

Note: I know it's shameless self promotion but I now have a account where all of my original fiction are currently stored. If people could read what is there and let me know what they think I would be incredibly grateful. The most recent update to this account is 'Go to the ball' and can be found here. .com/s/2934067/4/

There has been a lot of discussion over how old Legolas is. For ease and to fit in with the story I have assumed that he is of a similar age to the twins.

Now on with the story.

PT

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 49- Isengard

TA3019, March 6th

It was still dark when the tower of Orthanc finally came into view. Lord Elrond had predicted that they would find Estel and his companions here. In this time of uncertainty his sight did not extend very far, but it had been enough. Soon they would be reunited with the mortal and be able to take their place in this war. "Can you feel anything?" Elrohir asked. Athriel shook her head. "There are no orcs down there." He was on one side of her while Elladan stood on the other. "That makes a change" he muttered. She snorted. "I'm sure our luck won't hold out for long. The darkness is getting stronger and closer everyday" The other two nodded. That was why they were here afterall.

Soon they were on their way heading towards Isengard and the tower of Orthanc. By the time they slowed to a halt outside the gates a crowd had gathered at the head of which was the smiling figure of Estel. Elladan and Elrohir leapt from their horses and embraced their brother. Athriel smiled and dismounted at a slower pace. She had hoped to fade into the background with the help of their reunion, but it wasn't to be. She could feel someone watching her as Estel greeted his family. She looked around until she spotted the prince of Mirkwood eyeing her with confusion. She had hoped her awkward revelations to those she had known were over, but they weren't. She had counted Legolas as a friend once upon a time. Anytime he had travelled to the valley he had spent with her and the twins and anytime their travels had brought them to the woodland realm they had been welcomed warmly.

Meanwhile the prince was becoming more and more convinced that this, as he had suspected as the party approached, really was Athriel Erynsaeliel. The way she moved and the way she kept the twins constantly in her line of sight even with her cloak pulled tightly around her to hide her face. It had to be, there was no other explanation. No one else would have dared to ride between them, even their sister knew whose place that was. Gone or not they wouldn't let anyone replace her.

_TA 146_

_Legolas walked beside and slightly behind his father as they entered the hall full of people. He was only 10 and on his first trip out of the woodland realm, his father's realm. This place was full of strangers, the only one he knew here was his father. The only problem was that they hadn't even been here a day and already he was tired of his father's company. The journey had been too long and he wanted to talk to someone else, anyone else._

_Then the crowd moved slightly and he caught site of something interesting. In one corner on a pile of cushions sat two elflings of about his age. Suddenly feeling braver than he had felt all day Legolas crept past his father and made his way towards the elflings. Two identical faces turned towards him and stopped talking. "Hello" he said trying not to sound nervous._

"_Hello"_

"_Who are you?"_

"_I'm Elladan"_

"_And I'm Elrohir"_

_Feeling much more at home Legolas sat down in the space between them. "I'm Legolas" Two heads looked over his head at one another and grinned. This confused him until he heard the voice. "That's my seat" He looked up to see a female elfling standing with her arms crossed looking down at him. "Well, I'm sitting here now" He replied smugly, ut he didn't have much time to gloat. Faster than he thought possible Legolas was pushed roughly out of the way and the Elleth sat down in his place. "This is Athriel" One of the twins handed him a cushion. "And she sits there"_

_TA 2933_

_Legolas was exhausted. He had been out helping the border patrol and what he really needed was to bathe and then sleep for a long time, but he had been told that his father wanted to see him. Hoping that the meeting would be quick he pushed open the door to his father's study. King Thranduil was standing by the window looking out towards the distance. "A letter came for you" He said without turning around. Legolas noticed the scrolls sitting on the table. One open and another still rolled. He grabbed the unopened one and sat down wondering why his father was acting so strangely. Then he realised. The letter was from the twins. The other scroll was probably from their father and no doubt carried the same message. Athriel was Dead._

He didn't know how she could be back from the dead, and really he didn't care. He knew it was her and there was only one way to prove it.

Athriel caught the movement as Legolas bent down to pick up a rock. Faster than any mortal could move, the prince threw the rock towards Elladan who was standing the closest. Before she knew what she was doing Athriel moved so that she was between the elder twin and the projectile. Without thinking she caught it and let it drop to the floor.

"So it is you" Legolas said. The brethren had stopped talking to their brother now and Elrohir quickly realised what had happened. He took a deep breath, they had to explain. It was going to be hard enough to explain this to 'Las, but most of those present didn't know who Athriel was at all and the most important of those was Estel.

Elrohir turned to his mortal brother and tried to mentally prepare himself. _"Just say it"_ Elladan sent to him. _"Get it over with." _Taking a deep breath and wondering why it was always him that had to explain, Elrohir grabbed Athriel's arm. "Estel, there's someone we want you to meet..." But he didn't get very far before he was interrupted. "We've already met" the mortal said quietly. He had been hoping this wouldn't come up but there was no way around it. How was he supposed to tell his brothers that he had known about their friend's return before they had?

""What?""


	50. Friendships Old and New

Note: For the story of how Aragorn and Athriel met see chapter 7

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 50- Friendships old and new

TA3019, March 6th

After dragging his protesting brothers away from the crowd Aragorn sighed. Now he had to explain, about Athriel and the day they had met. Now he had to let them know that he had known about their friend's survival longer than they had. Where was he supposed to start?

Athriel was having a similar problem. Left alone with Legolas and his very pregnant significant other she know had to explain to yet another one of her friends how she was standing there in front of them. Where was she supposed to start?

"Do you remember, six months ago when we rode out together towards Bree..." The twins stood side by side with their mouths open listening to the tale. It was a lot to take in. Not the fact that Estel had known for so long, they were coming to terms with being the last to know, it was how she had unintentionally announced her existence. "She heard me" Elrohir gasped. That song had not been meant for her ears. It had seemed so natural at the time. That's what happened amongst their people. She had died in battle to save others and was worthy of song. He hadn't expected her ever to hear it. Yes they had expected to see her again in the undying lands, but now she was here again with them. Riding out into battle like she had done before.

_"Mi cambënya nyárë mi rín_

_Polnye hlarldë yello essenya_

_Polnye har cenldë alassë_

_Tenya lyë appa lauca_

_Anata tassë erressë quiloe si_

_Har i er melnya_

_Na si namáriëmma_

_Ni úsanwë sin ré tulsie rato_

_Vet úharya lume ana quetnamárië_

_Manaen polambar lelya or_

_Ni tenya sie vanwa irë le usisse asnya_

_Anata tassë erressë quiloe si_

_Har i er melnya_

_Na si namáriëmma_

_Si na úmma namárië"*_

Elladan, although as always his thoughts mirrored his twins, was more concerned about Athriel's reply. He hadn't realised the reality of it all. All these years she had been watching over them. Everything they had done she had been right over their shoulder. That thought should worry him, but it didn't. It was sort of comforting.

"Ani apsenë an i nyérë

An oantë le mi caurë

An i olórie vet maurë quilole

Tana ilye te níra oi ná

Ni níra ná i er ana anga le

Nan le níra la ce tana t ná ani"**

Athriel shuffled slightly as she stood across from Legolas. Well there only was one way to start. He had guessed who she was but she should at least confirm it and get the dramatics out of the way. She closed her eyes and pulled the hood back. However there was no gasp this time. She opened one eye cautiously. "Hi Las." The prince was standing there with his arms crossed clearly unimpressed. "You've been supposedly dead for eight decades and all you have to say is 'Hi Las'" She shrugged. What else was she supposed to say? So far she had had screaming and shouting and crying. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say now that none of that had happened. "What else would you like me to say." She slumped down onto a pile of rubble and suddenly became very interested in her finger nails. "An explanation would be nice."

Later Athriel watched as Nariel approached. After the prince had insisted that his intended rest, Athriel had explained as much as she could. It was getting to be an old tale. He in turn had told her all that she had missed while she had been away. It was a strange experience. SO far no one had mentioned the things she had missed, there had been much more important things to talk about. But it was comforting to sit here in the sun listening to her woodland friend talk about his changing life. Some of those changes were very obvious, so obvious in fact that no doubt once they finished grilling their brother the twins would have some questions for him. Legolas and Nariel were not only together now, but she was heavily pregnant. And the prince was determined that once they returned home he was going to marry the half Beorning half Istari woman. Athriel was happy for them. It was nice to see that even in the middle of a war with everything else going on, they were so determined to be happy. It reminded her a little of Arwen, sitting at home unwavering now in her belief that she and Estel would live happily as King and Queen of Gondor. This was what they were all fighting for, hope for the future.

"Lady Athriel, it is a pleasure to meet you" The woman said bowing slightly. Athriel bowed as well. "Please just Athriel. I never quite got the hang of being a lady." Nariel laughed. "Alright." Once they were sitting side by side the wizard sent Legolas to fetch her some water, an obvious distraction so that they could talk. Then turning to Athriel she smiled. "So tell me, do you have any embarresing stories about when Legolas was young" The elleth laughed. She was going to like this woman. She could tell.


	51. Putting on a show

Note: Please remember that this story and 'Nariel the Red' Cross over at this point. Some chapters will be included in both stories and overlap, while others will not. In other words if you want the whole story it would be advantageous to read both. Also more details of Athriel's childhood with the twins can be found in 'Raising Athriel'. Also I have been informed that the link from before was removed by ff. The address is wwwdotfictionpressdotcom/u/787110. Please Read and Review.

Extra note: The flashback in this chapter is the third re-telling of these events from yet another perspective. I apologise if it comes across as too repetitive, but I couldn't get this section out of my head. A long time ago I realised that the only way to get rid of this stuff is to write it down so here it is.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 51- Putting on a show

TA3019, March 6th

Athriel sat by the fire watching as Elladan and Elrohir teased Legolas. It had been good to see the prince again, had given her some hope. She had felt almost normal talking to him, and swapping stories with Nariel had done wonders for her moral. Now they were on their way to Rohan so that everyone could rest before they decided their next move.

The twins were also feeling refreshed. Seeing their old friend so happy with the wizard woman lifted their spirits considerably. They were happy for him. Even amongst all this darkness the prince of Mirkwood had found the one he was meant to be with and he was not letting her go. They were looking forward to getting to know Nariel. Although she had been in Rivendell not that long ago, they had not really spoken to her since the day they met. And then they had been more concerned with Estel's plan and making the wood elf jealous, although it had been harder than either of them had expected.

_TA3018 October_

_They had been taken by surprise when seeing Estel standing there on the steps, as if he was waiting for them. But that was ridiculous, they were returning earlier than expected. ""Estel!"" They said as one gaining the man's attention. It seemed so long since they had last seen him, although it had only been a few weeks. "What are you doing out here on the front steps?" Elrohir asked. Elladan laughed seeing the smile on Estel's face. He was up to something, they could tell. "Surely you aren't here to greet us, we aren't expected back until tomorrow" The mischievous look the ranger now wore confirmed their suspicions, even before he spoke his mind. "No you are not expected, but I am pleased to see you none the less. I have a favour to ask"_

_They were in their rooms now. After agreeing to here Estel's proposal over a rather late lunch they had been allowed to depart to their rooms for a much needed rest. Finally clean and waiting for food to arrive they sat across from one another wondering what it was the man wanted to ask them. __**"What could he want?" **__Elrohir asked with a grin.__** "He is planning something" **__Elladan replied. It had been years since the three of them had had any opportunity to make some mischief. When Estel had been a child he had spent hours and hours trying to convince them to join him in his plans to torment the household, and eventually they had relented. Although it had been a bitter sweet experience for them, they had loved the childish time spent with their little brother. But they had not done anything like that in a long time. Not since the man had found out his true name, not since he had become Aragorn. The look on his face today had reminded them that deep down he was still Estel._

_As if on cue there was a knock on their door. ""Come in"" Laden down with a tray full of goodies Estel stepped over the threshold. "I hope you're hungry" he said sitting the tray down in front. Without thinking the brethren moved so that they were now next to one another and Estel could sit across from them. In unison they leant forward to retrieve their plates, but stopped. Estel was looking at them with the strangest expression on his face, as if he was figuring something out for the first time, noticing something he had never seen before. "What is it Estel?" Elrohir asked furrowing his brow. "Are you well?" Elladan added. The man shook his head as if to clear it before he smiled the mischievous grin once again. "I am fine. I am just eager to tell you my plan."_

_They listened eagerly as he explained the situation to them, about Legolas and Nariel. It was a good plan, they had to admit, and they could see the woodland prince falling for it. It was about time the blonde settled down and the wizard could be just what he needed. They agreed to meet the man in the morning ready to woo the red head and infuriate their old friend._

_Elladan looked down at the wine bottle he held. This felt so strange. He couldn't remember the last time they had done something like this. Could it really have been so long ago? __**"Not since before..." **__he shook his head. __**"Don't say it Roh" **__They were standing side by side but they didn't look at one another, they didn't have to. __**"Not since she died" **__Elladan flinched, even though he had known it was coming. __**"It can't have been that long"**__ Elrohir shrugged. __**"I guess we just never felt the urge" **__That was a depressing thought in itself. They hadn't been doing anything except simply surviving for a long time. Simultaneously they stood up straight. But today they had to put on a show. Legolas deserved his happiness and if they could help him achieve that, they would do their best._

"_You must be Nariel"_

"_Radagast's daughter"_

"_The bear woman"_

_They played up their duality, switching the conversation between the two of them. They could pull this off, as weird as it felt._

"_Yes, I'm Nariel"_

_They sat down on either side of her and it felt like a betrayal. Not to Legolas, who they could tell was watching them, but to someone else. They never let anyone come between them, not anymore. But they didn't let any of that show._

"_And you must be Lord Elrond's sons"_

_They grinned predatory grins as was expected of them and wished Legolas would hurry up and lose his temper already._

"_Yes"_

"_We are"_

"_I'm Elladan"_

"_And I'm Elrohir"_

"_Have some wine with us"_

_Elladan revealed the bottle of wine he carried while Elrohir produced some glasses and attempted to engage her in conversation. They heard Legolas sit above their heads and breathed an inward sigh of relief. All the needed to do now was provoke him some more._

"_So how come you don't lose your clothes when you change shape?"_

"_**Good one Dan" **__Elrohir commented feeling the princes annoyed gaze. __**"Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated Roh"**_

"_... And my bag only has one strap, which is wide enough to stay on when I change"_

_As Elladan produced another bottle they moved closer on either side of her. Come on Las. Elrohir lent in even closer knowing just how it would look from above. They tried hard not to grin as an arrow imbedded itself in the ground in front of them._

"_Good morning prince" Nariel said, sounding completely unsurprised which made it much more difficult to keep their amusement in check. If they had ever any doubts that these two were right for each other it was gone with what happened next. Nariel leant back and whispered a couple of words convincing the tree to dispel a very annoyed wood-elf._

""_Legolas?""_

_That had shocked them. Radagast the Brown, Nariel's father, was known for his animal communication and plant control. Obviously when it came to magic she had taken after him, it was quite a feat to convince any tree to drop a wood elf on his ass._

_They grinned secretly at each other as Legolas dragged the Istari towards the dense trees. They watched the two argue as Estel walked towards them. __**"I am happy for them" **__Elrohir said as Elladan nodded. __**"As am I"**_

It seemed like an age ago now, that day. And to think Athriel could have been there, watching them all that time. In fact, wouldn't that explain Estel's odd behaviour that day? Instead of being ecstatic that his plan had worked, the man had acted as if he had failed. He would have known by then of Athriel's presence. That was still hard to take in, that he had known for so long. He had been the first to figure it out, even though he had never really known her. Maybe that was why. Maybe they were too close, why they had been the last to know the truth. Maybe they had just been unwilling to admit the truth to themselves. Erestor's words came back to them. _"But you knew there was a chance"_ Yes they had known. They had known that there was a chance she had been captured alive, so why hadn't they done anything. Why hadn't they mounted a rescue party? Because they believed that they would have come too late? Or because there was a chance that they wouldn't?

Could that be the reason that they had kept it quiet for so long, convinced everyone else that they had seen her die, Tried to convince themselves that they really had. It wasn't just the guilt they felt, it was something else. They were selfish. They couldn't have faced seeing her like that. Chained up in that place, broken and bleeding begging them to kill her. They couldn't have done that. Now they didn't have to, she had made sure of that. Now she was back and they had something to fight for. They had something to aim towards. Their lives weren't an empty show anymore, day after day of doing what was expected without actually feeling alive. They had a purpose now; this war was going to bring her back completely. Once Sauron was gone, really gone, the darkness wouldn't have any pull over her. Then maybe life could get back to normal.

Athriel sat and thought about what a strange day it had been, one of the best since she had come home. She almost felt like her old self again and that gave her hope. This was what she had to do. Keep going, keep working, keep fighting, living her life until the darkness within her faded completely. It would take a long time, but it might just work. All she had to do was keep control and live one day at a time.


	52. A Recurring Nightmare

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 52- A Recurring Nightmare

TA3019, March 6th

Athriel looked around her and tried not to panic. She was here again. Here in this place of torture, here in the limbo she had lived in for so long. This isn't real, this can't be real, I escaped. It was a dream nothing more. She had had this dream so many times over the last few days, but the terror had not dulled. This place would always have power over her. Too much had happened here; too much had been taken away from her. This was where it had started, where she had lost so much of herself. She didn't want to be back here. She didn't want to live through that again. Then the laughter started.

No, this wasn't real, she had escaped. She was safe. She knew she was safe; she had fallen asleep between the twins. She did that every night now, just so that she could feel safe. They were watching over her, she knew that, but still the nightmare plagued her. Still she was here in this hell. "No. I won't do this" She glared defiantly at the creatures as they approached. She wouldn't go through this again. She wouldn't. This was her dream, this was her mind and she wasn't going to stand for it anymore. But the laughter continued. It reverberated through her brain again and again and till she forgot that she was safe, she forgot that this was a dream.

"_Athriel?"_

"_Athriel, Wake up"_

It was so hard to tell the passage of time down here in the dark. There wasn't a single part of her body that didn't burn with the poison they had inflicted upon her. There wasn't a single part of her body that they hadn't scorched cauterising her wounds to stop her from bleeding out. That wouldn't be any fun. They weren't going to let her get away that easily.

"_Athriel, you're safe"_

"_Athriel, you're dreaming"_

Time had no meaning now. She couldn't even guess how long it had been since she had seen the sky or breathed the forest air. There was no time before now, and there wouldn't be ever again. There was no past or future. There was only the present here in this hell. She had been here forever and she would remain here forever. She was in limbo, this place between life and death. Barely surviving and yet unable to die. She didn't know how many times she had begged for death only to hear their laughter. Please Mandos take me, she pleaded again to the Valar of the dead. Please let me die.

"_Athriel, please"_

"_Athriel, we're here"_

The words penetrated her mind finally. She knew those voices. She heard them in her mind rather than in the air of the cavern. That's because you are asleep, she reasoned. They are beside you whispering in your ear. You are asleep, lying safely between them.

"Elladan? Elrohir?"

There was no reply, but she didn't expect one, it had the desired effect. The laughter dimmed slightly. This was her dream and she could control it. She glared back at the creatures. "You're dead" she said "I've already killed you" She grabbed the ropes that suspended her from the ceiling. This was her dream. She pulled as hard as she could. The ceiling collapsed on top of her, she grinned.

Athriel pulled herself out from under the rubble. This was familiar. This was how she had felt when she had first escaped the cavern; this was how she had felt when she had gained her freedom. She was free. She turned her face to the sky and relished the sun on her face. She was free. Then it was dark. She stopped. She recognised this. No, she didn't want to be here. She felt the anger flowing through her. No, no, no. This is a dream, this isn't real.

"_We're here"_

"_You're safe"_

But they were still coming, the orcs were surrounding her and she had no weapon, all she had was the darkness inside her. Her hands were not hands, they were claws. Her teeth were not teeth, they were fangs. She set upon the things surrounding her and ripped them to shreds.

"_Athriel"_

"_We're here"_

Athriel ran as fast as she could from the carnage she had created. She ran and ran, but she wasn't going anywhere. The trees stayed in the same place as she ran. No, she had to get away, away from all this, away from the darkness.

"_You're dreaming"_

"_Wake up"_

This is a dream. This is a dream. She had to remember that. Out there in the real world she was safe, out in the real world they were with her.

Suddenly she was in Imladris. She was sitting in one of the gardens on a stone bench. She could hear footsteps approaching. She knew who it was. It was them. She looked down at her feet. There was a carcass there, a grotesque mangled body. And it was all her fault. "It's all your fault" she said closing her eyes. But it didn't come out the way she had meant it. She had directed the comment at herself but now they were standing tensely behind her.

"We could have saved you" one said, and unlike in real life, she didn't know which one had spoken. "But we did nothing" the other added. "We made you what you are" They continued back and forth "We made you a monster". She turned towards them with tears in her eyes. What were they saying? Then they were standing over her with knifes in their hands. They struck out at her as one. ""We could have killed you""

"_Athriel, please"_

"_We're here, wake up"_

This is a dream, this is a dream. But it didn't work. This may be a dream, but she didn't have control. She couldn't stop what was happening. Now she was back in the camp. The camp she had been in when she slept. She could see herself lying there between Elladan and Elrohir. She could see them trying to calm her, whispering into her ears, one on each side with tears in their eyes. She could see the others gathering around. She could see Estel, and there were his men. She could see Legolas and his Wizard love Nariel. Then there was Gandalf and a dwarf and hobbits and a great deal of other men. They were all watching her, or rather the other her lying there asleep.

Then it happened. She saw it in slow motion, the other Athriel threw the twins aside and then attacked the others. She watched herself in slow motion ripping them to pieces, all of them, friends and strangers alike. All her allies she ripped apart with her bare hands. She covered her face with her hands, she couldn't watch this. Then she heard it. "Athriel. Athriel, it's us" No "Athriel please" She looked up just in time to see the other Athriel move towards them. She was going to destroy the only thing that truly mattered in her life. No!

Then she felt it, another presence in her mind. She snapped awake. Nariel was standing over her with one hand on her head. She grabbed the woman's wrist just as she was about to pull away. "What did you see?" Athriel asked. "Enough" The woman replied. Then she was being pulled to her feet as the wizard dragged her away from everyone else.


	53. Mutual Understanding

Note: Corresponds with chapter 73 of Nariel which describes the same events from Nariel's point of view.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 53- Mutual Understanding

TA 3019 March 7th Early hours

Nariel pulled Athriel off into the trees and pushed her roughly to sit. She was stronger than she looked which took Athriel by surprise. How could this woman manhandle her so easily. "What do you think you are doing?" She yelled. She was not going to let this newcomer control her. Nobody controlled her. But Nariel was not intimidated in the slightest. "We need to talk" She said, but she didn't sit down. This made Athriel angry. How dare she, how dare she tell her what she needed. She didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to talk about any of it. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened tonight. She wanted to crawl into that safe place between Elladan and Elrohir and go to sleep. He wanted to sleep one night without the nightmares. She stood, using her advantage in speed over the woman, she tried to move past her. It didn't work as she was knocked to the ground once again. A low growl resounded from Nariel's throat reminding Athriel of who she really was. This was no mear woman. She was one of the Beornings and a powerful wizard in her own right. "No Athriel, you are going to sit there and listen to me."

Athriel didn't want to listen. She didn't want to open that wound again. She couldn't show weakness. "Get out of my way Istari, I don't want to hurt you" Nariel laughed at her calling her bluff. "I'm not afraid of you Athriel, you won't hurt me" The elf glared at her and stood her ground. She was Athriel Erynsaeliel and she would not lose this battle. "What makes you so sure" she asked defiently. "Because I know you, better than anyone now I wager." That was true. She wasn't sure exactly how much this woman had seen inside her mind. Somehow she didn't want to know.

Athriel collapsed back against the tree behind her. She didn't want to do this, but she had no choice. She would not hurt the bear-woman, not while she still had control over her thoughts. "I don't need your help" she said instead. She had enough people trying to help her and it had caused them nothing but pain. She remembered seeing the twins in her dream; Holding her tightly on either side trying not to cry. Nariel scoffed. "Sure you don't" The wizard moved to sit beside her realising that she was no longer going to run. "I can do this on my own" Athriel said, although she was unsure who she was really trying to convince. "If you could, you wouldn't have come back. You need the presence of others as much as any of us do" However true that may be she didn't want to admit it. "You don't understand" She said closing her eyes. Nariel sighed. "I'll admit, yesterday I didn't understand, At least not all that you were going through. But now I do. I've seen it." Athriel couldn't stop the tears that came to her eyes. She was doing it again, bringing other's into the hell she lived. Only yesterday she had been so happy. Only yesterday she had been reunited with an old friend and made another. "I'm sorry you had to see that, I'm sorry." And she burst into tears.

Athriel realed back in shock as Nariel struck her. That she had not been expecting. "What did you do that for?" Nariel shrugged, not apologetic in the least. "Sorry, but you needed it. I'm going to sit here and give you sympathy. That's what your twins are for. I'm here so that we can talk this out. You're going to tell me everything, without stopping. I'm going to be honest with you, and you're going to be honest with me. And I'm not going to hesitate in telling you when you're being stupid or irrational and you can do the same for me. We can help each other" Athriel looked at her in confusion. How could she possibly help this woman. Surely the arrangement would be entirely one sided. Nariel had everything. "What would you need help with?" Nariel smiled softly and Athriel could see that there was something lurking beneath the surface, Some hidden darkness. "You'd be surprised. Everyone has issues Athriel. I may not have been through what you have, but I've seen darkness. Everyone has some darkness inside them."

Athriel sat silently for a moment, contemplating all that she had said before she continued. She was intriqued to learn exactly what it was the wizard hid beneath the surface, but that would have to wait. For now she needed to know exactly what their arrangement would entail, she still didn't want to share her woes again."But how can you help me. I've been over all of this before, I told Lord Elrond everything before I left" Nariel raised a single eyebrow. "Everything" That was true. She had hidden something from him. But she had needed to. She couldn't tell anyone everything she felt. It would hurt them too much.

"That's how we can help each other Athriel. You can tell me things you would never tell Elladan and Elrohir or your brother. You can tell me what you feel you can't tell them because they are too close, because they may become upset or feel guilty. And you can do the same for me." That actually sounded good. Maybe they could help one another.

And so they talked. Nariel conveyed all of her fears to the Elleth and she in turn talked about her nightmares, her duty to Celebrian and the twin's ridiculous notion that destroying Sauron would bring her back to normal. The wizards revelations shocked her. It was only now that Athriel realised exactly what Nariel had meant when she talked about darkness.

_While he still had power over another Saruman believed he was invincible, while he still had his servant he felt nothing could touch him. He was still in control. She looked at Grima closely. He had a knife in his hands but there was indecision on his face. Do it, she thought, do it. Even if it kills you it will make you free. "Saruman! You were deep in the enemy's counsel. Tell us what you know!" Knowing what she had to do Nariel blocked Legolas from her mind. He wasn't going to like what she was going to do, but she had to do it. "You withdraw your guard and I will tell you where your doom will be decided. I will not be held prisoner here!" No, he would rather die, and he will. She could see that he was never going to tell, no matter what they promised him. Deep down Gandalf knew that as well._

_Nariel closed her eyes and searched. She was getting better at it, seeing the minds of others. But she had never pushed her way inside before. There she could see it, the small enclosed mind of Grima Wormtongue. So warped and confused by Saruman's control, she wondered briefly what he had been like before the wizard fought his way inside. Then she wondered whether she was just as bad. All the same she pushed aside the thin barrier and heard his thoughts. He wanted to do it, he wanted to kill his master, and he was on the brink. It was too late to stop now. She had to do it. She gave Wormtongue the push he needed._

That it seemed was one of the things that worried her most, that she was becoming something terrible. Athriel could relate to that, she had felt like that so many times. But she did not believe that that would happen to Nariel. She had too much to fight for. Maybe together they could get through their worries. Maybe they really could help each other.


	54. Time to think

Note: Sorry in the delay and sorry for the short chapter. With working and the holidays, I haven't been writing much. And the writing I have done has mostly been work on my original fiction short stories, as I would like to have them ready to publish on kindle soon. I have been having trouble writing recently, but luckily it looks like I have my darkness back now.

Anyway this chapter will have a corresponding chapter in Nariel, although both chapters together will not give you the entire conversation between the two as some aspects will be mentioned later on.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 54- Time to think

TA 3019 March 7th

Athriel sat staring into space. She had a lot to think about. Her conversation with Nariel had been unexpected, and strangely helpful. She felt calmer than she had in a long time. There was something comforting about Nariel's presence. And for once the words had penetrated. Her advice combined with everything else she had been told since her return and it was as if everything had clicked into place.

They had talked it all out, all of it, sitting under that tree away from the others after her nightmare. She had talked about the orcs, what they had done, how she felt now, and then Nariel had said something unexpected.

"_You have an advantage over them"_

Really it hadn't been that unexpected, she had thought it once herself when she had first felt their presence. But now it was a symptom of her disease, a sign of how much she had changed.

"_You can feel them, you know how they think, how they move, better than anyone ever will"_

Yes, she knew them, she knew them because she was one of them.

"_No you're not, not if you don't let it take control"_

Control, that was the problem. Every time she lost control she felt something slip inside her, she felt them win.

"_If you don't use what you have, how will you ever learn to control it"_

She didn't understand, how could she, she didn't have this thing living inside her.

"_Don't I? I've lived with my animal side, everyday of my life"_

But that was different. Nariel was supposed to be the way she was, she was born that way.

"_Maybe you are as well. Did you ever think about that. I doubt anyone one else would have been able to last as long as you did. And yes it changed you, but every battle you've ever fought, and every event you have ever lived has shaped you, changed you in some way."_

No, the only way she could beat this was to become Athriel again. Like Lord Elrond had said.

"_Yes, but which Athriel. The Athriel you were in your childhood, or before you were taken, or Athriel now. You have to figure out how you can be yourself, with this as a part of you. It's not going to magically disappear. You've got to carry this with you until the end of time, like the scars they gave you. They may fade, but they will always be there."_

And that had made sense. Somehow those words had penetrated into her mind far better than any others ever had. But in them she was reminded of another problem.

"_It's not going to magically disappear"_

If they ever got through this war, what was she going to do. If Sauron was defeated and the ring destroyed, and everything they hoped for came true. What then? Elladan and Elrohir would expect her to become normal again. They would expect her to go back to the way she had been before. They would expect the darkness to leave her completely, to leave a smiling happy Athriel were she once stood. But that wasn't going to happen. As she relived the conversation with Nariel, she sat watching them.

"_They will have to learn that as well"_

Yes they would. They would have to learn alongside her who Athriel was now. Not the Athriel from their childhood, or Athriel before she left, but Athriel now. The Athriel who had lived through the torture and the pain, The Athriel who had come back home after being lost, they would all have to learn who she was.


	55. Shortlived Calm

Note: Hi everyone. I am on a writing frenzy this week, although unfortunately it is not for a good reason. Well for weeks I have been wishing that I had more time to write, and now I am suspended from work pending my disciplinary, at which I expect to lose my job. But now at least I will be writing.

This chapter corresponds with 'Nariel the Red' Chapter 75

The nightmare that Athriel mentions in this chapter can be found in Chapter 52

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 55- Short-lived Calm

TA 3019 March 8th Early Hours

As comforting as Nariel's presence had been to Athriel over the last couple of days it was doomed to be short-lived. The two friends were destined to go their separate ways.

Athriel snapped awake. She had felt the world shift. Something was wrong, something evil was here. The bodies on either side of her had also awakened at the same time. The three had gone from sleeping peacefully to standing alert in a single second, and they weren't the only ones. Legolas and Nariel were also awake as was Gandalf. Then all six of them ran towards the hobbit Pippin just in time for his agonised scream to wake the mortals.

Gandalf quickly covered the Palantir with his cloak. Instantly Athriel felt better. The evil she had felt was gone. "He was here" she said. "We felt it too" Elladan said and Elrohir nodded. Pippin was lying rigid on the ground staring unseeing up at the sky. All of them could feel the anger radiating off of the White Wizard, although they could also feel his concern.

"The Devilry! What mischief has he done – to himself and to all of us"

As Gandalf knelt beside the hobbit he gestured to Nariel, but she moved reluctantly. Athriel knew why she was so reluctant. Nariel was afraid of what she could do. The young wizard had a talent for reading the minds of others and unlike her other talents the Istari shied away from it. It had been too easy for her to manipulate Grima Wormtongue into killing the wizard Saruman. She was afraid of what she would become everytime she pushed inside anothers mind. That was a feeling the elf could identify with.

Athriel knelt beside Nariel and whispered into her ear, she repeated the very words Nariel had said to her, not so long ago.

"If you don't use what you have, how will you ever learn to control it"

The Wizard nodded slightly before putting her hands beside Gandalf's on Pippin's head. Athriel stood up and walked away from the group. The hobbit would be fine and the wizards would find out what he had told the enemy. She sat down with her back against a tree and grinned when she felt Elladan and Elrohir sit down on either side of her. "What did you say to the wizard Athriel?" Elrohir asked eventually as they watched Gandalf question the hobbit. "None of your business" She said with a smile. Despite the grave danger they were all in she was in a good mood. It may have been small, but she felt as if she had helped Nariel. It was as if she had repaid her somewhat. "You still haven't told us what you two talked about the other night." The smile slipped from Athriel's face. No she hadn't told them, and for good reason. She had told Nariel things she wouldn't dare tell them, they were too close. But by not telling them was she hurting them more. "You used to tell us everything." Yes, that was true. They never had any secrets before, before she kept her very existence a secret, before she had begun to fear their rejection.

It wasn't fair of her, she knew that. They had never once cast her aside, and they had been nothing but supportive when she had come home. Well, they hadn't exactly welcomed her home with a hug and a smile, but that hadn't been because of what she was or what had been done to her, but because she had lied. She had lied to protect them, to stop them from seeing her as a monster. But not once had they treated her like that. Not once had they questioned her presence in their lives. They were the same as they always had been. What had changed was her.

"We talked about what happened, with the orcs, And about the nightmares. She's helping me work through it all." She felt their disappointment and knew where it came from. Although they had been helping her with her nightmares they had never once talked about them. She had always refused to talk about it and they had respected her privacy. But that wouldn't do anymore. She would have to be completely honest with them from now on. She caught Nariel's eye as the wizard stood up, she nodded and Athriel took a deep breath.


	56. Separate Ways

Note: This chapter corresponds with 'Nariel the Red' Chapter 76

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 56- Separate Ways

TA 3019 March 8th Early Hours

As they processed everything that she had said Athriel watched the others talk. They were deciding what to do next, with the new information that the hobbit had learned from the Dark Lord. But Athriel didn't join them, she had no such decisions to make, wherever Aragorn went they would follow. That was why they had come. Instead she sat numb while they sat silently beside her. They didn't have long before they would have to move, but she was determined to give them as much time as she could.

Elladan's first thought when Athriel had finally finished talking, was that maybe she had been right not to tell them. It reminded him of when she had described her torture to Elrohir, while he sat alone in their room trying to push the images out of his mind. He had longed for just one more minute of not knowing, one more minute of ignorance. But that hadn't happened then, and it hadn't happened this time either. He couldn't unlearn what he had just heard.

Elrohir's reaction as always was slightly different. He tried to understand what he had heard. He tried to make sense of it all, to rationalise it. But that didn't help. He couldn't understand how she felt, because he hadn't experienced what she had. He couldn't fix what had happened to her with comforting words and explanations.

Between them they replayed the part of the conversation that had disturbed them the most.

_Suddenly she was in Imladris. She was sitting in one of the gardens on a stone bench. She could hear footsteps approaching. She knew who it was. It was them. She looked down at her feet. There was a carcass there, a grotesque mangled body. And it was all her fault. "It's all your fault" she said closing her eyes. But it didn't come out the way she had meant it. She had directed the comment at herself but now they were standing tensely behind her._

_"We could have saved you" one said, and unlike in real life, she didn't know which one had spoken. "But we did nothing" the other added. "We made you what you are" They continued back and forth "We made you a monster". She turned towards them with tears in her eyes. What were they saying? Then they were standing over her with knifes in their hands. They struck out at her as one. ""We could have killed you""_

They had both had that same dream, before in Imladris just before the realisation that Athriel had been the shadow. Their first night after they had seen her again after all of those years.

_Now they were finally asleep but their worries remained. Side by side they walked towards the figure sitting with her back to them. It was Athriel, but Athriel as they knew her before, as they remembered her. She was sitting on a stone bench in the gardens. They expected her to turn as they approached but she continued to face the other way as she spoke. "It's all your fault" her head tilted slightly to one side and suddenly they weren't in the gardens anymore. They were suddenly surrounded by trees and it was dark._

_Athriel was different as well. Her clothes were ripped and her hair was short. They could see the blue marks on her neck alongside the horrific scars. "You could have saved me." They stopped just behind her not wanting to go any further, not wanting to see her face now. "You could have killed me" Their vision flashed from Athriel now to the Athriel they remembered and back again. "But you did nothing."_

_She turned towards them then. Her mouth was smeared with blood and her eyes were black. Her hands were covered in gore and her finger nails were long. She was kneeling on the ground beside a mangled corpse. She licked her fingers and smiled grotesquely. "You made me what I am." They took a step back in horror. "You made me a monster."_

Yes, there had been differences between the two dreams, but they were eerily similar. Had she been picking up on their dream or had they been picking up on her worries.

Athriel looked up as a dark shadow moved across the sky. Their time was up, they had to move on and move now. She watched Aragorn turn away from the group and move with Gandalf towards the hobbits. As he moved he caught her eye and her suspicions were confirmed. They were moving on. "We have to go" she said standing to pack their belongings. Maybe the ride would give them all time to think. But she had one last thing to do before then.

Athriel could see Nariel and her uncle Grimbeorn bidding farewell to the others. Evidently they were travelling with Gandalf and would not continue with Aragorn on his quest. Athriel was glad, she knew where the mortal's path would take him and she was glad that the young wizard would not be going that way. The paths of the dead were no place for the Istari and her unborn son. Unfortunately that meant that they would be parted from Prince Legolas for a time, which Nariel would not be taking well.

The elf approached the wizard cautiously as she moved to climb onto her uncle's back. Nariel turned towards her and smiled slightly. "Namarie Athriel" she smiled back. "Namarie Nariel." She grabbed the wizard's arm in farewell but was pulled into a hug. "I am sorry that we did not have more time to spend together before parting" the woman sighed, but Athriel shook her head. "There will be plenty of time when the war is over. We shall see you in Minas Tirith." Nariel nodded, but her eyes were on Legolas as he made ready to leave with Aragorn. "Don't worry Nariel" Athriel whispered "We won't let anything happen to him"

Then they were riding their separate ways.


	57. Choosing Death

Note: Sorry but I'm going to moan a bit. I love all of my regular readers here on ff. I've been here for over ten years now and I always love reading the reviews. As a result I think I am slightly spoiled. Whenever I post a new chapter I check my story stats obsessively and get excited every time the number of hits goes up. So what's the problem? I am also registered on fictionpress for my original fiction and unfortunately I hardly ever get any hits and practically no reviews. This makes me worry that my original fiction is not up to scratch. Could my regular readers (and any newbie's) please have a look at my fictionpress account if you have the time? There are quite short stories and series of short stories which take hardly any time to read. You can find it by following the link on my author page here, by searching 'Persephone Tinkerbell' as an author on the fiction press site or searching for any of the following: 'The Hunger', 'But Life Isn't A Fairy Tale', 'That Moment', 'Thelxiepeia', 'I Will Always Love You', 'Chimera Medusa', 'Gorgon', 'The House Of Jet', 'Come out come out wherever you are', 'Of Glasgow and Gormenghast', or 'Soteira Haliai' OK, rant over and on with the story.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 57- Choosing Death

TA 3019 March 8th Early Hours

Athriel watched as Gandalf and Pippin galloped off into the distance followed swiftly by Nariel on Grimbeorn's back. The war was getting closer and closer now. They were moving now, Elladan and Elrohir. They had been spurred out of their shock it seemed, she only hoped that they would be able to move past what she had told them. They still looked distracted, had she chosen the wrong time to tell them everything? How could she have kept it any longer when they had asked her directly? Had she doomed them all? They would all need their wits about them. They all had more important things to think about now.

She wandered over to where Estel stood. He would have to decide now, which way they would go. And while the twins were distracted she would speak for the three of them. Not that that was difficult, as they had vowed to go wherever he led. He was watching Gandalf's silhouette disappear into the distance with his hands clenched at his sides.

Aragorn noticed Athriel's approach, which probably meant that she had wanted him to, but he didn't take his eyes from the wizard as he disappeared. Here he was again left to make the decisions after the Istari's departure. It brought back memories of that horrific moment when the Grey Pilgrim had fallen in Moria. Now at least he knew that he would see him again, but the danger was closer now. Back then he had gone to Lothlorien to rest and be rejuvenated, but now he could not afford to do that. He was riding straight out to war, whatever his decision.

Athriel took a deep breath. She knew which way they would need to go, as did Estel, but it wasn't a choice he wanted to make. "You already know which way you should go Estel. Do not let doubt steer you wrong now". Aragorn sighed. Yes he knew which way they had to go.

_TA3019, March 6__th_

_ Aragorn couldn't help but grin widely at his brothers. They were here, they were really here. Everything looked brighter knowing that they would ride beside him. And they had brought greater hope with them. The riders that had come with them he knew well. They were his mortal kin, the Dunedain. With them here as well, he really thought he could do this, he could become the King he needed to be if they believed in him. This resolve had been strengthened immensely with the standard his men carried. A banner from Arwen, Arwen who he had tried to send away, who he had tried to save, had given up everything because she believed in him. Then there was The Shadow. Athriel had ridden with them. She had given up on being Athrana and after finally making herself known and coming home, she had elected to ride out to war rather than to stay in the Elven Valley and heal after all that she had gone through. If all of these people believed in him, how could he not become who he was destined to be?_

_The happy mood however did not last. After catching up on everything he had missed in the valley over the last few months the conversation became serious. They had advice to impart from their father, Lord Elrond, his foster father, and the advice scared him._

"_The days are short. If thou art in haste, remember the paths of the dead."_

_If there was one path he didn't want to take, it was that road._

"_Always my days have seen to me too short to achieve my desire. But great indeed will be my haste ere I take that road."_

_That seemed a hopeless path, even with all of their belief. Had things really become so dark that Death was the only way forward? Luckily the brethren sensed his dark mood and changed the subject._

"_That will soon be seen. But let us speak no more of these things."_

"_Yes, tell us. How do things go with Prince Legolas and the Lady Nariel?"_

Aragorn glanced at the twins now, they were packing their things, but they looked a little distracted. He guessed that was why Athriel had come to give him advice. She would speak for them all in their absence, and she did.

"The days are indeed short. And there is much haste Estel. Remember the paths of the dead."

It was strangely fitting that this time she had been the one to offer him that advice. After all she had survived through so much. Athriel whose death had been the herald of his arrival in Rivendell, had come through it all and now stood beside him. Maybe there was hope in Death and in the dead. Maybe they would be the ones to save them in this war.

The decision made Aragorn went to relay his plans to Théoden. He would take only his brothers, Athriel, Legolas, Gimli and the Dunedain. Merry would have to go with the King to Rohan, and then the Rohirim to war. Hopefully they would all meet again in the White City. They would take the paths of the dead, and just like Athriel had, they would survive to come home again.


	58. Ghosts and Memories

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 58- Ghosts and Memories

TA 3019 March 8th (Evening)

Aragorn watched his brothers as they made camp yet again. They had been riding all day and now they had to let the horses rest. It was strange to see Elladan and Elrohir like this. He had ridden out with them many times, but this time was different. He was only now realising how little his time with them counted against the span of their lives. Athriel however had known them almost their entire lives and it showed. She rode between them as if she belonged there, and Aragorn supposed she did. Suddenly he remembered all the times he had seen them move to close the gap they unconsciously left for her, as if at any moment she would appear and sit between them.

_TA 2936_

_5yr old Estel ran through the halls laughing. His brothers were back. It seemed like they had been away forever and now they were back. He skidded to a halt in the courtyard just as they were dismounting. "Dan! Roh!" he yelled excitedly. ""Estel"" They smiled and leaning down Elladan picked him up. Together they moved towards a stone bench. The little boy laughed as they sat down. His silly brothers, they sat down in unison, but finding a gap between themselves they stood up again and moved closer together before sitting again and giving Estel their full attention._

_TA 2952_

_20yrs old and called Aragorn now the boy who had been Estel opened the door and stepped into the hall of fire. The music and the singing cheered him immediately, as did the greeting he received. ""Estel!"" Elladan and Elrohir approached him handing him a glass of wine. They had refused to call him by his revealed name, claiming that to them he would always be Estel. And it was oddly comforting to know that whoever he was to the world outside, here in this room with his brothers and a bottle of wine he was still little Estel. And even though they had lost so much when he had first come to the valley, they had never treated him like anything other than their little brother. The three of them sat side by side as they often did. But this time when they moved to eliminate the gap they had left between them Aragorn noticed it more than he usually did, as if he could see a ghost of the one who should have sat there._

_TA3018_

_Aragorn balanced the tray on one arm as he knocked on the door. ""Come In""He had to play this just right. He was here to convince his brothers to take part in his scheme. He aimed to spur Legolas to admit his feelings for Nariel, but he also wanted to affect Athriel wherever she was. The second point would be more difficult to achieve, as not only was he unsure if the elleth would actually show herself, but he had promised not to reveal her existence to his brothers. Smiling broadly he stepped over the threshold. "I hope you're hungry" he said sitting the tray down in front of the twins. Without thought Elladan and Elrohir moved so that they were right next to each other and he could sit across from them. The movement, as involuntary as it was, always made Aragorn think. But now, knowing that Athriel was alive, he wondered if some part of them knew she still lived. They had been so close and being both the sons on Elrond and the grandsons of Galadriel it was feasible that they had sensed something unknowingly that prevented them from moving past her death. Something that forced them to leave space for her only to remember and close the gap again the best that they could. _

Now they didn't have to close the gap, because she was there. She fit so seamlessly with them; it was strange to think that for the entire time he had known them she had not been there. How must it have been for everyone else all these years, seeing them without her?

The twins themselves were feeling much better about what Athriel had revealed that morning. Yes it was a lot to take in, and yes what they heard had disturbed them greatly, but it didn't change their plans. They were still determined to do anything they could to help her, and their friendship had not been harmed. In fact if anything, they were more determined now than ever to see this war through to the end.

Athriel felt much better as well. Despite their destination she actually felt quite content, as if she was more herself than she had been for a very long time. Her big revelation hadn't changed anything, Elladan and Elrohir were not treating her any differently and the information had not distracted them from their duty. Her life was finally slotting back into place.

Legolas sighed as he felt Nariel probe into his mind yet again. Her presence had been becoming weaker and weaker as they rode further and further apart. Now all he could feel was a vague impression that she was thinking about him, that was it. This was the furthest apart they had been since he had left Rivendell with the fellowship and he didn't like it. It had been hard enough to walk away then, but so much had happened since then. Concentrating as hard as he could Legolas tried to convey how much he missed his intended before she withdrew from his mind.

Aragorn watched as his brothers sat side by side, with the unconscious Athriel sized gap between them, which was filled seconds later when she sat down. "It must be strange for you" He looked up as Legolas sat beside him passing him some food before continuing. "I almost forgot that you didn't know her before." Aragorn nodded. "It is a little strange, but only because she fits so well into the space they have always left for her." The elf smiled. "It's as if she never left" he acknowledged. Aragorn watched them again as they ate, the three of them. It was as if the memory that they had always left a space for had suddenly become real.


	59. The Paths of the Dead

Note: Something unexpected has happened in 'Missing Years', and by unexpected I mean unexpected even by me. I love it when that happens in a story, when the characters build on their own and start changing the story. The event will not change the direction this story is taking but it does bring one character further into the action. Those of you reading Athrana but not any of the other stories will not be familiar with Lastirith, but he will be introduced here at a later date.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 59- The Paths of the Dead

TA 3019 March 9th

They had not been travelling long when they reached their destination, the Hill of Erech. It was here that the stone of Erech stood, which Isildur had brought to rest here and it was here that the king of the mountains had sworn the oath he had later broken. Before them stood the Door of the Dead, and there was no turning back. As one they stopped in front of the door and took a calming breath. Gimli was the first to voice his thoughts. "What kind of an army would linger in such a place?" He asked. "One that is cursed. Long ago the men of the mountain swore an oath to the last King of Gondor- to come to his aid, to fight. But when the time came, when Gondor's need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of the mountain. And, so Isildur cursed them, never to rest until they had fulfilled their pledge."

They stood for a long time gazing in wonder at the stone doorway. "The very warmth of my blood seems stolen away" Gimli said in awe staring at the stone carvings. Legolas stepped forwards to translate the words, and read them aloud. "The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut."

Athriel looked closely at the door in front of them. She could practically feel the fear radiating from the rest of the company, but she wasn't afraid. Even the other elves present, Elladan Elrohir and Legolas, were filled with fear. Death held no fear for her, there were far worse things. She knew because she had lived them. Death was peace; death was a relief from the turmoil's of the world. Nariel had called it an advantage when they had talked, she had called it strength. But Death was the easy way out.

_TA3019 March 7__th_

_They had been talking for hours now, sitting up against the tree behind them. They had gone over it all, the fears they held and now their conversation was lighter. "You're stronger than the rest of us you know" Nariel said casually, looking up at the sky. Athriel shook her head. "No, I'm not" She wasn't strong. She was hanging on with her finger tips as the world spun out of control. "Yes you are. Most of us, mortals and immortals alike, are afraid of death. But you're not" Athriel thought on what the woman had said, but she shook her head again. "That doesn't make me brave or noble. It makes me a coward. Death is a lot easier than life. It's an easy way out, a release" She waited for the bear woman to look at her again before she continued. "What you're doing, that takes real strength. Amongst all of this war and destruction you've managed to grab a hold of what's important and keep it close to you. Most of us won't know what to do when the war is over, but you will. You've got a life to hold onto, and a family. When this is over either way, I won't be needed anymore."_

Without thought Athriel moved forward through the archway. They had very little time as it was and they could not delay any longer. Standing on the threshold would not lessen their need to go forward and it would not lessen any of their fears. There were many reasons to choose death, but for once Athriel wasn't doing it because she was a coward, she wasn't looking for an easy way out. She was taking a leaf out of Nariel's book. She was doing this because it was what was needed. She had promised the wizard that she would look after Legolas, and she had her own life to hold onto. No matter what happened after Sauron's fall Athriel was not going to give up on her rediscovered life. She was doing this for Aragorn and Arwen, so that they could rule in Gondor. She was doing this for Legolas and Nariel and their Son so that they could have the life they wished for and most importantly she was doing it for Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor and Glorfindel so that she could continue living in the elven valley with her family.

Elladan and Elrohir heard very little of what was going on around them as they watched Athriel walk into death for the second time in their lives.

_TA2933_

_"Yrch!" Athriel yelled. Within seconds they were all riding as fast as they could. The twins either side of Gilrean and her child and Athriel slightly behind. But suddenly she slowed. Athriel snapped the arrow as it protruded from her body as they slowed beside her. ""Athriel?""She looked down at the wound in her shoulder. It had been a lucky shot. "It's poisoned" she said before looking at them and then at Gilrean's horse disappearing through the trees. "Go, get them to safety. I'm already dead." With that she jumped down off of her horse. ""No!"" But they couldn't stop her as she ran back towards the enemy with her long knives in hand. "Go!" she yelled as she ran. They turned and rode off. When they turned to look back they saw Athriel being overwhelmed by the creatures._

They weren't about to let her walk out of their lives for a second time, so without thought they followed her into the darkness.

Taking a deep breath Aragorn gestured for his men to follow. "I do not fear death" he said as he passed the threshold. Halbarad was the first of the Dunedain to step forward. "This is an evil door and my death lies on the other side. But I will pass through it nonetheless." His men followed.

As Legolas watched the men pass through the door he concentrated on projecting his loving thoughts to Nariel. He would see her and their son in the white city after travelling this path, he wouldn't settle for anything less. Silently he stepped through the door.

Gimli stood flustered for a moment, the last left on his side of the door. "Well, this is a thing unheard of. An elf will go underground when a dwarf dare not." He stood for another heartbeat contemplating turning back. "Oh! I'd never hear the end of it!" He exclaimed as he shouldered his axe and stepped into the dark.


	60. Embrace the Darkness

Note: Sorry for the long wait guys my life is going pretty crappy right now

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 60- Embracing the Darkness

TA 3019 March 9th

In the Darkness, Athriel's eyes adjusted easily. So much so that when Elladan and Elrohir lit the torches she flinched away from the light. After everything else that had been happening it took these little reminders before she remembered how different she was from those around her. Being out in the wild with her friends had almost been like old times, nightmares and orc massacres notwithstanding. But when she got these little reminders she was catapulted right back into the darkness and her despair.

Athriel's reaction did not go unnoticed. Elladan watched her closely as his brother lit the other torch from the one he held. The light had hurt her, actually physically hurt her. And although she had quickly adjusted, in the split second before she ducked away from the harmful light, he had seen that if only for a moment her eyes were entirely black.

Elrohir, who had been facing away from Athriel in his attempt to light the torch, turned when he heard his brother's thoughts. And although he was too late to see her reaction he saw the aftermath, as she started to draw into herself. It was an action that contrasted so much with the Athriel they remembered from their childhood, but something they were becoming used to seeing with this 'new' Athriel. It was a sign that she was being drawn back into the darkness yet again. Worrying over what she would become.

There was not time to dwell on the situation however as one by one the others stepped through the doorway to join them in the gloom. Elrohir passed his torch to Estel who led the way forward, while he and Elladan hung back to take the rear and Athriel without thought took up her place between them as the group moved further into the darkness.

As they moved steadily forward Athriel caught the whisper of voices behind them. A quick glance told her not only that the others had heard the same but also that there were shapes following them. Vague dark shapes with no physical form that flickered in and out of existence. As she concentrated once again on their path Elladan looked at her questioningly and she knew without turning to look that the same expression was mirrored on Elrohir's face. "We are being followed" She said "They are dark creatures, damned by their betrayal, but they are not evil. They will not harm us, at least not until they have heard what Estel has to say."

They walked on, all of them, further through the darkness and the twins wondered if she had heard her own words or understood their meaning. She of all people had stated that darkness and evil were not the same thing but they could see on her face every day that she thought differently of herself. Was it just fear that made her reluctant to see herself as anything other than a monster? Or did she really think that deep down she was evil.

Athriel was also contemplating the words that she had uttered only moments ago. It was true, the beings that followed them were not evil, they were tinged with a darkness that tormented them, but they were not evil. They would never work alongside the Dark Lord as they deeply regretted the betrayal they had participated in when they broke their oath. Was this what Nariel had meant as she encouraged her to accept the darkness that dwelled inside her. To use it against her enemies rather than fearing that it would take control. She had to believe in herself, In Athriel. She was still Athriel of Imladris. All she had to do was keep sight of her priorities and what was important to her. All she had to do was concentrate on those she loved, her family and friends. She had to think about Erestor and Glorfindel and all those safe in the valley. She had to think about Elladan and Elrohir walking silently beside her. Unconsciously she grabbed a hand in each of hers and pulled them closer on either side as she had often done when they were children.

Elladan and Elrohir managed not to flinch as they felt the hands grab them in the darkness. The contact did not last long as she released them when they were walking close enough on each side, but the brief contact was enough to make them look down in surprise as memories overwhelmed them.

_TA 138_

_Three elflings walked slowly side by side through the dark corridors. Everyone else was asleep but this was the only time they could explore without fear of being caught. They snuck silently to the ominous door that they had been denied access to earlier that same day. Together they pulled the heavy door open and stared into the gloom._

_As they stepped into the darkness Athriel reached out and pulled the twins closer on either side. She didn't pull them to walk in front of her, or behind, as her hands dropped and the three walked on they were still equals. Now however they had the added security of walking closer together so their arms touched._

They were all however brought back to the present as the passage opened up into a large cavern. It was still dark but amongst the gloom they could clearly see a slumped object that glittered like gold in the torchlight. Estel moved forward to inspect it. Athriel smiled slightly as she heard the dwarf muttering to himself. "Does he feel no fear? In any other cave Gimli Gloin's son would be the first to run to the gleam of gold. But not here, let it be." Estel had apparently run out of patience and was done with fear. He had decided to claim the throne that was his birthright, and to do that he need the army of the dead so that he could defeat Sauron once and for all. As one the group moved towards the ranger, even Gimli. Estel crouched down to inspect the shape while Elladan held both torches. It was a man in full chain mail and rich golden decoration. Estel however did not want to waste time with the body or what he had been seeking in life. He turned towards the shapes that had been following them and voiced his frustration. "Keep your hoards, and your secrets hidden in the accursed years! Speed only we ask. Let us pass and then come! I summon you to the stone of Erech!"

The silence that followed was deafening. The whispering had stopped suddenly leaving nothing in its place. Then there was a great blast of cold air that blew out both of their torches. Elladan and Elrohir tried to light them again but Athriel knew that it would be useless. This was a test. If they were going to get through this they would have to do without the light and embrace the darkness, whatever that meant for them all.


	61. Preparing for War

Note: This chapter corresponds to chapter 81 of 'Nariel the Red'

Also sorry for the lack of updates recently. I have been writing my NaNoWriMo project for the last month. I actually finished it which was a surprise, 50000words in one month. I will try and keep up that productivity but I think it might slip a little. The plan at the moment is to write 1000words a day of something. Whether that's one of my fanfic or one of my original fic works. There are too many works unfinished. For example I decided to make Nariel pregnant round about the same time my friends conceived their son. Well now he is nearly 18months and Nariel hasn't given birth.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 61- Preparing for War

TA 3019 March 9th

Athriel carried on in the darkness. She kept to the back of the group with Elladan and Elrohir on either side of her. They had been unable to light the torches but continued onwards none the less. Personally Athriel found the darkness comforting, even hearing the dead following behind them , the darkness was like a blanket wrapped around her and making her feel safe. The darkness gave them all time to prepare for what they was waiting for them on the other side. But although she was determined to take this time to prepare herself for what she would have to face, Athriel could not help but let her thoughts stray to home.

In Rivendell Erestor sat by the window in his office looking out towards were he knew Athriel would be. He couldn't believe she was gone yet again. She had only been home a matter of days before she had ridden off into danger again. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair. Least of all the news that Elrond had inadvertently given him, after she had disappeared from sight.

_TA 3019 March 2__nd_

_Erestor had finally managed to pull himself out of his husbands embrace and then they had talked. Erestor had explained and apologised and begged Glorfindel to move back into their rooms. He couldn't do it, he couldn't be without them both. The captain had nodded and soothed his fears and taken him back to their rooms. He had told him to rest and moved his things back in, and Erestor had breathed a sigh of relief._

_That night they forced themselves to eat with the rest of the household, not for their own sake, but for Elrond. Athriel was not the only one riding out to war after all. The four of them had sat in a companiable silence, Erestor, Glorfindel, Elrond and Arwen. They were all subdued and worried over those they loved. Eventually Arwen had departed to the solitude of her rooms while they retreated to Elrond's office. It had been a trying few days for all of them and they could all do with a drink and pleasant company._

_Once the drinks were poured and the elves settled into their comfortable chairs, the conversation had turned to the young ones mission. The details of the journey it seemed Elrond had kept to himself, as Glorfindel probed him with questions. The Captain had been kept out of the loop, no doubt because of Athriel's involvement. The golden warrior was well known for his protective streak and now that Athriel had come back and then almost immediately gone off on her calling, his worry was incredible. Elrond's words however did little to ease either the Captain or his mate. They listened as their lord outlined the intentions of the three warriors. They would meet the dunedain, and travel on to meet Estel and offer him their aid. But then Elrond divulged the message he had sent with his son's and Erestor paled._

Down the hall from where Erestor worried, Arwen sat in her rooms. She didn't know what to do with herself now. She did not regret her decision, how could she when it brought her closer to the man she loved and their future together, but now she was alone. Her brothers had gone out to fight for her and her future husband and the friend she loved as a sister had gone with them. For that she was overcome with guilt, although her sudden mortality had gotten them talking again. She only hoped it wasn't too soon for Athriel to be back out in the wild.

She had heard from her brothers what was happening to their oldest friend and she worried about her. She had no doubt that Athriel would overcome it all, but she still wondered how being out in the wild would affect her. Arwen chastised herself, she couldn't think like that. She had to believe that everything would be well. She had to believe that Aragorn would defeat the Dark Lord, she had to believe that when it was all over she would stand beside him at his coronation. She had to believe that she would be married to the man that she loved, and not only would her brothers be there beside her, but so would Athriel. She gazed off towards the horizon and sent out her best wishes to everyone that she loved.

Erestor decided he had to get away from his office. He couldn't get any work done today. The valley was preparing for war and he couldn't concentrate. He couldn't help but worry what danger Athriel was in as she walked the paths of the dead if they were preparing for an attack in the safety of the valley. Seeing a report he needed to deliver to Glorfindel he leapt on the excuse to leave his office and headed towards the armoury where he knew he would be.

Glorfindel looked around the armoury with a sigh. They were preparing for the enemy to attack, they knew it wouldn't be long now and they had to be ready. He had known it was coming, that was why he hadn't been able to go after Athriel and the Twins as he had wanted to do. The warrior shhok himself, he couldn't let himself become distracted. He couldn't think about the three of them out there in the wild, and little Estel as well. But every room reminded him of them, the armoury included.

_TA 138_

_Glorfindel looked up from the book he was reading and listened to the almost silence throughout the house. The problem was there wasn't silence. The whole house should be asleep but he had distinctly heard a door open and close across the hall. It was to far away to be Erestor's door and yet too close to be anyone elses. It was Athriel's door. But the councillor had put her to bed hours ago. Glorfindel himself had read her a bedtime story. So why had her door opened. Putting on his slippers Glorfindel got up and pulled his own door open as quietly as he could. He peered around it and watched three little elflings disappear down the corridor. Rolling his eyes he followed behind them quietly to make sure they wouldn't get into any trouble, stopping just long enough to light his lantern._

_Three elflings walked slowly side by side through the dark corridors. Everyone else was asleep but this was the only time they could explore without fear of being caught. They snuck silently to the ominous door that they had been denied access to earlier that same day. Together they pulled the heavy door open and stared into the gloom._ _As they stepped into the darkness Athriel reached out and pulled the twins closer on either side. She didn't pull them to walk in front of her, or behind, as her hands dropped and the three walked on they were still equals. Now however they had the added security of walking closer together so their arms touched. Then suddenly the room was bathed in light. The elflings screamed as the weapons and armour were suddenly illuminated around them. They turned to run but there was a solid body behind them._

_Glorfindel laughed softly as he lit the lanterns from his own. He had stopped the young ones from entering this very room earlier in the day and he shouldn't be surprised that their curiosity had not been dampened. Crouching to be at the same height as the elflings he tried to look serious. "What are you doing in here?" he asked glancing between the three faces. "You should all be asleep by now." All three looked guilitily down at their feet and wouldn't meet his gaze. "Sorry Glorfindel" Athriel muttered and the warrior knew that was the only answer he was going to get. Sighing heavily he lifted Athriel up into one arm and guided the boys towards the door with the other. "Come on you little terrors" Athriel held his lantern as he extinguished those in the armoury and they walked slowly down the corridor back to their rooms. _

_Once the boys had been safely deposited in their rooms Glorfindel continued down the corridor to Athriel's. She was nearly asleep in his arms now so he took the lantern from her with his free hand. "Will you teach me Glorfindel?" she asked half asleep. "Teach you what ree?" he asked in return juggling her in his arms slightly so that he could open the door. "Teach me to use those weapons, to be a warrior." He thought hard for a moment, unconsciously glancing towards the connecting door between her room and Erestor's. "Maybe little one, when you are older and if your brother agrees."_

He hadn't agreed, not for a long time, but Glorfindel had taught her anyway. It had been obvious, to him at least, that Athriel had been born to be a warrior. So even though Erestor had refused to let Athriel follow her true calling, until she was almost at her majority, Glorfindel had been teaching her anyway. Now, with her off in the wild again and facing the most dangerous task she had to date, he wondered if he had done the right thing.

Erestor stood by the door for a moment. Glorfindel had that look on his face, the look that meant he was thinking about Athriel, that look that meant he was feeling guilty. It was a new look on his face, it had only been there since Athriel's had revealed her presence to him, and Erestor didn't like it. He walked over to his mate and put a hand on his shoulder. "Fin?" The captain jumped obviously startled out of his thoughts. "Fin are you alright?" Glorfindel thought about lying, he thought about saying everything was fine, but instead he shook his head. He wasn't going to lie again, not to Erestor, he couldn't. "Let's go back to our rooms" Erestor said leading Glorfindel towards the door. "Then you can tell me all about it."

And meanwhile, Athriel continued to walk through the darkness with her twins on either side of her. As she mentally prepared herself for the battles that were to come she thanked the valar for the family that she had, for the training she had been given and for the support of those around her. Without them she wouldn't have the strength to do this, she woudn't have had the strength to survive and she wouldn't have the strength to get back to herself. She was ready for whatever the enemy would throw at her next. She was ready for war.


	62. Light Highlighting the Darkness

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 62- The Light Highlights the Darkness

TA 3019 March 10th

Suddenly the dark tunnels came to an end. They were in the sunlight again and all breathed a sigh of relief, Athriel included, but it took her a moment to adjust to the light after the darkness. They were all blinking a little but she doubted that it caused any of the others physical pain. The light was like a stab of ice into her brain, but she recovered quickly. She forced herself to recover, forced herself to adjust. And while she did the brethren did not move from her side. They stayed stubbornly beside her rubbing her back and grounding her, for that she was incredibly grateful.

Legolas turned his face towards the sun and laughed with relief. It was good to be out of the dark. They still had a long way to go, but he was another step closer to Nariel and his unborn son. Aragorn as well breathed a sigh of relief, but they had to hurry forward. They had a long way to go and their time was running out. He turned back to urge them all forwards but turned back quickly. The dead where following behind them, but that was not what had scared him? He had happened to catch a glimpse of Athriel as she shied away from the sun.

She had looked different in that moment. Very different. He was used to seeing the scars, and her short cropped hair. But this time he had seen something different. He had not seen Athriel, his brother's long lost friend, who survived death and fought for his survival. For the first time he had come face to face with the Shadow. He had seen the creature that boiled her blood, the part of her that clambered for vengeance, the creature who ripped the orcs to shreds with her bare hands. What he saw scared him to his core. Her hands were twisted and claw like, her lips pulled back from her teeth revealing the almost fangs underneath. And her eyes were black and menacing. She caught his eye then as she pushed the darker side away. But he had seen it, and she knew he had seen it.

Calling for the others to follow Aragorn moved forward. And for the first tie he wondered whether she would be able to keep control. Throughout everything, from meeting Athriel out in the wild, until that very moment he had not doubted her. He had seen her as a symbol of hope, a sign of endurance and strength, overcoming all odds to stand tall beside him in his quest. But now? What he had seen shocked and confused him. He didn't know what to think anymore. But he kept walking; he kept going, as his hand strayed to the Evenstar pendant around his neck.

In her room overlooking the valley Arwen sighed sadly. She had the feeling that Aragorn was thinking about her, and she worried. She worried about the quest that he was on, she worried about him and her brothers and Athriel and she looked at the darkening sky. There was a storm coming, there was war and destruction and one of the only places she truly felt safe being was threatened by it. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to help, she wanted to stand beside those that she believed in and fight for her life with them, but she couldn't. Before her father would have been reluctant to let her fight, even with her training, both from Glorfindel and Athriel. But now, now it was impossible, now she was surprised he even let her leave her room. Choosing mortality may have opened her up to the life that she wanted, the life she needed, but she was fragile now and she wasn't sure how to deal with that.

Meanwhile Erestor and Glorfindel had returned to their rooms. Glorfindel sat on the long chair staring into the unlit fire while Erestor poured them both some tea. For the first time since Athriel's 'death' they were actually going to talk about this. Before Glorfindel had been the strong one, letting Erestor fall apart while he kept them whole. Then when she had reappeared he had fallen apart while all the time trying to hide the reason from Erestor. But now, now they were going to be honest with each other. Glorfindel had decided that he could not keep anything from his mate any longer; he couldn't protect him from the truth. So when Erestor sat beside him and handed him the tea, Glorfindel took a deep breath and let it all out. He poured out his guilt and frustration, he poured out everything he had been feeling since seeing Athriel alive on the banks of the river right up until the present where he had to push aide his fears to protect the valley from the attack they knew would come soon enough.

Athriel walked along after regaining control and wondered about the light and the dark. What once had been a comfort, the light of the day on her face, had become a torment. Every time she thought she was getting better, every time she thought she had a hold of her life, that everything was going to be alright, there it was the reminder of how much she had changed. Just like when she had been hiding amongst the trees watching Elladan and Elrohir flirting with Nariel. _See; see how much you hate the sunlight now. See how different you are to when you left. You can't go home now. You have to stay in the shadows. That's who you are now, the monster that stalks the darkness._ The light was the constant reminder of how the darkness had spread. Sometimes you see a ray of light through the clouds, a single strip of light in the darkness and it gives you hope. Until you remember that it is only light. An insubstantial break in the dark clouds. The same way that a rainbow is nothing more than an optical illusion. They say that every cloud has a silver lining, but all the silver does is give shape and contrast to the darkness, making it easier to see. You realise eventually that the darkness is far larger, it has more texture and suffocates as slowly one by one.

But then they stopped in their march and she could see the Corsair ships that they had been told would be approaching. She could see the path that they were destined to take and she remembered what they were fighting for and she had another thought as did many others. Aragorn looked towards the approaching ships and then back towards the dead army that had followed them out of the mountain. Elladan and Elrohir stood unwavering on either side of Athriel determined to carry on no matter how scared they were or how much was at stake. Legolas felt Nariel's presence as they got closer and closer to their destination and knew that she too was thinking the same thing. And in Rivendell, Erestor and Glorfindel sat side by side contemplating their fears, as did Arwen looking out towards the war she knew was about to change everything. And all at the same time they all shared a single thought. _'There is no courage without fear. We fear because we have something to loose. We fear because there is so much at stake. But we have much to fight for. We can't turn back now. We will fight on and we will win because we will not accept anything less.'_


	63. Ada Las

Note: For a while 'Athrana' And 'Nariel the Red' have been chapter for chapter. Until they meet up again however this will not be the case. This chapter actually corresponds with chapter 88 of Nariel

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 63- Ada Las

TA 3019 March 13th Early morning.

They had been travelling for three days now. Three days on foot and they were finally in a position that they wold be able to capture the fleet bound for the battle they were destined to join. Athriel looked at the lightening sky and hoped that they wouldn't be too late. Surely Minas Tirith would be under attack by now. But they had to wait for the ships. They had reached the banks of the river and couldn't go any further without dispatching the fleet. She looked at the others around her.

Elladan and Elrohir were watching the river intently, over to her right. They were as impatient to get going as she was and she knew why. Waiting gave them all time to think, gave them all time to second guess, time to doubt. Battle would release the tension that they were all feeling and they were impatient for it.

Estel was sitting near them but facing the other way. He was looking towards their destination and fiddling with something between his fingers. If she hadn't known what it was the flash of white silver and crystal as it caught the sun would have told Athriel what she needed to know. He had the Evenstar pendant in his hands. The symbol of Arwen's immortality, her decision, held carefully between his fingers. He was thinking about her no doubt, the thought giving him hope, his only reason to go on.

Legolas and Gimli were behind her and to the left. She could hear them talking. Or more accurately she could hear Gimli. He was being incredibly vocal with his complaints and his impatience, but Legolas said nothing. Probably thinking about their destination, worrying about Nariel in Minas Tirith waiting for the siege to begin, she thought. Athriel would have moved her attention to the Dunedain but then Gimli said something that caught her attention. "Are you alright Laddie?" She turned around. Legolas had one hand on his stomach as if it had pained him, but he was waving away the dwarfs concern. "I'm fine Gimli, honestly."

The Mirkwood prince knew what it was as soon as he felt it. The closer they came to Minas Tirith, the more he could feel Nariel's presence there. Every step he took away from her he had been conscious of how little time she had before the birth of their son. The slight and sudden pain he had felt proved that time was up. Nariel's contractions had started. By the time they finally made it to Minas Tirith, he would have a son. As Athriel turned towards them he waved away the dwarf's concern and huffing Gimli sat on one of the rocks nearby. The Elleth didn't say anything as she stood across from him, just looked at him questioningly. "I'm fine" Legolas said defensively making her laugh slightly. "And Nariel?" she asked knowingly. He sighed. "It is time." She nodded and smiled. "Congratulations!" Then she took his arm and manoeuvred them both to sit beside Gimli. That smile he had seen thousands of times, it had been a staple of his childhood and their friendship. It usually meant she was up to something or in a teasing mood. Strangely it didn't look as strange on her scarred face as he thought it would. "Tell me Las. With your connection do you think you will feel every one of the Bear's contractions or will she spare you the actual birth?" The shock must have registered on his face as Athriel started laughing. If he couldn't be by Nariel's side at least he had his friends around him.

Elladan laughed softly listening to the conversation going on behind them but didn't turn around. He was a little jealous of Legolas and his relationship with the wizard. The pair had gone from friends to starting a family and planning a future together in a very short space of time. Coupled with that they were among the few who could mind speak and communicate their feelings over a distance, which was unusual outside of twins like himself and his brother. But he did not envy the Prince feeling his beloved's pain during the birth, and clearly Las had not thought that far ahead.

"**It is impolite to eavesdrop Dan"** Elrohir interjected into his mind which only made him laugh harder. **"And how would you know what I am laughing at, if you haven't been eavesdropping yourself." ** They grinned at one another for a moment before directing their attention back to the river again. **"It's hard to imagine Las with a child." **Elrohir said remembering back to when they had been children themselves and gotten into more trouble than they should have, the four of them. **"It's probably still a little weird for Las as well. But he will be good at it. Remember what he was like with Arwen, or Estel." **The smile returned as they remembered their sister as a child, but it slipped a little as they remembered Estel's childhood and what it had been like for them. They loved their Foster brother unconditionally but there had always been that reminder, the blade in their hearts that had twisted with every memory. **"He is definitely stubborn enough" **Elrohir admitted as his brothers drifting thoughts brought a long forgotten memory to mind. It had been Legolas' stubbornness that had saved them all those years ago; His insistence that he was not going to let them fade, His determination to pull them out of the rut they had built for themselves after Athriel's death. He had been the one to force them to live on, to look after Estel, to become a part of the world again. Because of him they were still here and able to help Athriel come back to herself. Because of him they had forged a relationship with their little brother, their mortal kin. They had a lot to thank him for.

Aragorn looked up from his hands as he heard Legolas and Athriel talk and held the pendant in his hands a little tighter, but he was smiling. He had been wondering himself how strong the mental bond was between Nariel and the Prince. Obviously Nariel's contractions had started and the bond they shared was more than strong enough to convey the discomfort to Legolas. Aragorn smiled. He was happy for his friend, they had atrocious timing but he was happy for them none the less. He only hoped that he would be as lucky. Everything he wanted in life would either be granted or stolen away depending on how the war went and all he could do was hope and wait.

"They are coming" Elladan said suddenly. Their wait was over. The ships were about to arrive and they could continue on towards the war that would decide their fate.


	64. Lessons Learned

Note: For a while 'Athrana' And 'Nariel the Red' have been chapter for chapter. Until they meet up again however this will not be the case. This chapter actually corresponds with chapter 89 of Nariel

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update. I am getting married in August and so have been swamped with wedding plans and the new job. It probably doesn't help that before that I was going through a down phase in by depression and before that writing my NaNoWriMo project. I just wanted to say that I have not forgotten this story or any of my others.

Lastly the song is 'Deceiver of Fools' by 'Within Temptation', reordered slightly. I use Within Temptation quite a lot as it somehow makes me think of LOTR. As a result I often write while listening to them, or in the case of this story, 'Three Days Grace' as some of their songs remind me of Athriel.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 64- Lessons learned

TA 3019 March 13th

Athriel stood on the deck and looked out towards the horizon. Their wait on the shore was over, but now they had to wait for the boats to reach their destination. It would take them another day at least and she was impatient.

Erestor to was restless. He had spent the last few days watching Glorfindel ready the troop, and then this morning he had watched him readying himself to leave. The borders would be attacked, and they would be attacked soon so they all needed to be ready, Erestor included. Once upon a time he had wielded a sword well enough. Once upon a time he had been as capable as any elf in battle despite not being a warrior, and soon he would have to do it again. Slowly he stood and walked slowly to a chest in the corner of the room, humming softly as he did.

Elladan and Elrohir moved silently to stand either side of their old friend. They were heading for a battle they never thought they would have to fight, a battle that had been won centuries before they were born, a battle they had learned about in their school room. Erestor had taught the three of them all about the last alliance and the evil of Sauron, but they had never thought they would face his army in battle. Remembering those lessons Elladan began to hum, which prompted Elrohir to start singing.

_TA141_

_Erestor looked at his students in frustration. They were not troublesome, at least not at the moment. Athriel liked stories of great battles and warriors, but she preferred stories that centred around her hero Glorfindel. And the twins found it difficult to image their father in amongst the battles he was describing and so underestimated the gravity of what he was telling them. But he didn't want to lecture them, didn't want to force the subject on the three elflings, which would automatically turn them off to is lessons. If he wasn't careful he would lose their attention and they would find something else to concentrate on, like pulling pranks and showing off for one another and he didn't want to find stationary items glued to his desk again. At a loss as to what else he could do Erestor began to sing as the three stopped fidgeting to listen to him once again._

_Deceiver of hearts  
>Deceiver of fools<br>He rules with fear  
>Deceiver of hearts<br>Deceiver of fools  
>He rules again<em>

_He feeds on fear  
>Poisons the truth<br>To gain their faith  
>To lead the way<br>To a world of decay_

Athriel smiled as she heard the song and the same memories came to her. That song had always stuck in her mind, and now she wondered at how appropriate it was. In order to make them understand her brother had sung as if the Dark Lord was once again at his full power. It had worked, it had stayed with them. But had he had some inkling that one day they would have to face this evil. She didn't know, she was just glad he had given them the lesson all those years ago. She started to sing along as well.

_He feeds on fear_

_He feeds on pain_

_He rules again_

_With growing hate_

_He will guide_

_Their faith again_

Erestor looked down at the sword in his hands. He had hoped in vain that this day would never come. He had hoped that it was really true that Sauron was gone forever. But he knew that the ring had not been destroyed, he was Elrond's chief adviser, of course he knew. But like the others he had been placated by Saruman's words, he had believed the ring lost forever. He had believed that everything was well when the necromancer was driven out, believed that the ring was indeed lost. But it had all proved untrue. Now his sister would face that same evil and he would have to fight to defend his home. Somehow the lessons he had given the young elflings would be more important than he ever thought it would be.

_In my heart there is a place  
>In my heart there is a trace<br>Of a small fire burning  
>A sheltering ray shines through this night<br>Although it 's small, it's bright  
>But darkness is lurking<em>

_He will sell your soul to bitterness and cold  
>Fear him<em>

_Deceiver of hearts  
>Deceiver of fools<br>He rules with fear  
>Deceiver of hearts<br>Deceiver of fools  
>He rules again<em>

Together the three elves watched their destination getting closer and closer while Erestor sang along with them although they were miles apart. The war was coming to everyone and there was no escaping it.

_No light in the darkness_

_Is too small to see_

_There's always a sparkle of hope_

_If you just believe_

_Please awake  
>And see the truth<br>He can only be  
>If you believe what he tells you<br>Remember who you are  
>What you stand for<br>And there will always be a way_

_Deceiver of hearts  
>Deceiver of fools<br>He rules with fear  
>Deceiver of hearts<br>Deceiver of fools  
>Shall he rule again?<em>


	65. Into the Fray

Note: I have assumed here an attack on Rivendell round about the same time as Mirkwood was attacked and Lothlorien for the second time. This is mainly to give Glorfindel a reason to have stayed behind. Besides, at a time where everyone is fighting for their lives, I couldn't have Erestor still sitting behind his desk.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 65- Into the fray

TA 3019 March 15th

It had taken them nearly two whole days but finally they were approaching their destination. Athriel stood on the deck long enough to see Estel raise the standard that Arwen had given them, before retreating to one of the cabins. Soon they would be docking and joining in the battle she knew would already be raging. Even from her she could feel the enemy as they approached. The orcs made her skin crawl and her blood boil in her veins. Silently she gripped a gauntlet in both hands and tensed. She had hoped that by now she would have some control over the violent urges they brought on, but she felt no more in control than she had done before.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open as she heard the door behind her. "Are you ready Athriel?" She didn't turn around; she couldn't, not until she had her breathing under control. Even though it had been Elladan who had spoken she knew that Elrohir would be standing beside him. She wasn't ready. Of course she wasn't ready. Would she have to go through this every time? She couldn't live like this forever; she couldn't face these demons every time she went into battle. She was a warrior; she didn't know how to be anything else. Slowly the panic grew inside her and she wondered why it hadn't been this bad the last time, when they had waited for the orc ambush after meeting the Dunedain.

Elladan took a step forward when she didn't answer. It was almost time; they had to be on deck soon to join the fray. But Athriel was just standing there. Obviously she had been putting on her armour, in fact only her helmet and one gauntlet sat on the bed in front of her, the other held firmly in her hands. Even though her hands were still pale underneath the scars he could see that her knuckles where white from the grip she had on it. He put his hand on one of her shaking hands while Elrohir moved to her other side. "Ree, it's time to go."

Athriel looked down sharply as the hand landed on her own. It's presence was comforting but she was struck by the contrast between them. Elladan's hand was as it always had been, slightly tanned and deceptively smooth and unblemished despite his centuries as a warrior. Elrohir's that placed itself on her shoulder was the same, although she didn't turn to look at it, but her own hand? Her own hand stood out starkly. Too pale and cover with scars and blue veins of the poison that ran through her entire body. It was not an elvish hand and completely out of place. Already she could feel them itching to rip into her enemies, already they felt claw like and deadly. She pulled away sharply and felt relief pass over her as both hands left her.

"I'm nearly ready" Athriel said as she pulled the gauntlet she had been holding over her hand. She could still feel the slight pressure from where Elladan's hand had been but tried to ignore it as she reached for the other gauntlet. She hardly wore them; even before she had been captured she had always preferred to have as much freedom of movement as possible, as most elves did. As a result they looked brighter and less worn than the other armour she wore, standing out as much as her hands did. But today she felt she needed them. Anything to distance herself from the creatures she would have to face, anything to dampen the feel of their blood on her hands, the feel of their necks snapping from her efforts. She didn't want to be the monster anymore, didn't want to rip them apart, feel their flesh give under her fingertips as if they were claws. She closed her eyes again and almost forgot that the brethren were there with her.

Elrohir had stayed where he was when Athriel pulled away but he was watching her closely. Elladan however had moved with her and now grabbed the gauntlet covered hand again. He had not failed to notice her reluctance for him to touch her and that confused him. They had both thought that they had been making progress; she had been accepting their attempts to comfort her up until now. Letting go of the metal cover hand he reached out instead to touch her cheek. "Are you alright Athriel?" but she moved away from him again too disgusted in herself to allow the contact. **"It is to be expected Dan" **Elrohir said to him in their minds, although he was just as hurt by her actions.

"It is rude to mindspeak when there are others present" Athriel said quietly, but there was no emotion in her voice. It was as if she was saying what was expected of her in the situation and as such what usually would have made them laugh fell flat. Grabbing her helmet Athriel fled up on deck.

In Rivendell Erestor paced back and forwards in the library. Glorfindel had left on patrol two days ago and had not yet returned. He was not due back yet, but the advisor had a terrible sense of foreboding. Something had happened. Something horrible had happened and all that he could do was wait for news. His sword lay on his desk beside him as he paced, but he had been forbidden from riding out. He was not a warrior, and although he knew he would eventually be called upon to fight, it would only be when the house itself was under attack.

Athriel slowed her steps as she stepped back out into the sunlight. She had to get control of herself, she had to calm down. If they had any chance of winning this war she couldn't pander to her fears, she couldn't let them win. She didn't fear death and she didn't fear defeat, at least for herself. She feared that they would fail and that those she loved would be harmed, but she didn't fear her own death. Death would be easier for her. There was honour in dying in battle; there was honour in dying to protect those that you loved. In death she would not have to face what she was becoming. In death she would be able to heal in peace without worry. All she had to do was hold out long enough to die a warrior's death. All she had to do was hold out long enough to ensure that they were safe and she could die in peace.

As the library door slammed open Erestor turned to face it sharply. It was Elrond with a messenger on his heels and Erestor didn't need to be told. Instantly he turned and grabbed his sword while the messenger explained the missive he carried. The borders had been breached, Glorfindel and his warriors where doing their best to ward them off but they were too many and some had gotten through. The house was under attack and it was time for Erestor to join the fray. He would have to wait to learn how his husband fared, later when they had fought off the enemy and survived. For now he would have to rely on the fact that his heart told him that the Lord of the Golden Flower still lived.

As the boat docked Athriel stood tall with the helmet on her head. Her knives were in her hands and her sword was at her side. She was ready for this, she was ready for battle and she would stave off the monster inside of her as long as she could. Unknowing that moments before Erestor had done the same, Athriel joined the fray.


	66. Victory

Note: Sorry for the lack of updates recently. Unfortunately life seems to be getting in the way of my writing again.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 66- Victory

TA 3019 March 15th

As Athriel jumped down onto the dock she felt calm, a strange calm had come over her. She knew now that she was going to die. She knew that this war would claim her life and eventually she would be at peace, all she had to do was keep the monster inside her under control long enough for the enemy to kill her. In that moment she had no fear, she had no doubt, she was free from it all and ready to be the warrior again. Behind her she felt rather than heard Elladan and Elrohir landing on the dock. In that moment everything was exactly as it should be. She was going into battle with her friends beside her. She knew their movements as well as she knew her own, they could move like a single entity when they needed to, the three of them. An unstoppable force that the enemy had feared once and they would fear them again. Athriel grinned as the first orcs approached them full of confidence. Their confidence didn't last long.

Erestor took a deep breath as he walked calmly down the steps with sword in hand. He was not a warrior, but he knew how to defend himself. He had learned the basics centuries ago, and he had been called upon to fight before. This was his home and he would defend it as best he could. Beside him Elrond was also descending the stairs, and behind them all able members of the household. They didn't know that at this moment every elven realm was in the same position, they were all fighting to defend their homes; all they knew was that they were under attack.

As he reached the bottom step Erestor swung his sword experimentally. In that second the movements came back to him and he threw himself with determination towards the enemy. This was his home; this was where he had lived for centuries beside their lord. This was where he had met and married Glorfindel; this was where he had raised his sister. This was where he had grieved for the loss of his mother, his father and then Athriel herself. This was where they had recently been reunited, and where she would come home to again. This was his home and it was her's. He had to fight for his life and his home, his family and his friends. He vowed in that moment that Imladris would survive, it had to, there was no other option. Imladris would fall over his dead body.

Athriel gripped the knife hilt tighter as the blade sliced once again through orc flesh. She had never felt more like the warrior she had once been as beside her the twins did the same, but ever she could feel the monstrous urges pressing on her mind. The urge to rip and tear into the creatures growing stronger every moment, but she couldn't. The gauntlets on her hands reminding her of their presence. The metal pressing on her skin with every movement, not painfully, but reminding her of who she was, who she had to be for as long as she could. As each body hit the ground she felt a momentary relief from the pressure in her head, but it was soon back with the continued approach of the enemy.

Elladan tried not to smile as he watched Athriel move gracefully through the field of battle, as if she was meant to be there. It reminded him of the first time she had joined them on the training grounds. She had seemed so natural and effortless as she followed the movements Glorfindel taught them. She had beaten him easily that day, and Elrohir who had jumped to his defence. They were stronger than her, but she had always been quicker. Beautiful and deadly, that was what they had always thought about her in battle and he couldn't help but think that again now.

As always Elrohir's thoughts were along the same lines, he could see what Elladan could see, the beautiful movements and the deadly accuracy. But he could see something else as well. He could see what Elladan ignored in his stubborn way. Her armour was a little too big for her due to the weight she had lost and the way she gripped her knives was stiffer than it should be, but most worrying of all there was an emptiness to her at that moment. As if she was cold inside, as if she had given up and that terrified him. **"Stop it Roh, stop it"** He heard Elladan in his head and tried to push the thoughts aside. They had to concentrate on the battle. Even if the majority of the enemy were being taken care of by the army of the dead, they still had to keep their concentration for the hundreds that remained.

Glorfindel took a breath and glanced around the clearing one last time. Finally, finally they were free of the infernal creatures. Hopefully not too many of them had gotten past, and Imladris would have been well defended. Indicating to the rest of his patrol to follow behind him, Lord Glorfindel set off through the trees towards home.

Athriel pulled her knife free from the orcs skull that it was wedged in and looked around. The battle was winding down now. The army of the dead had swept through like a hurricane and scattered the enemy. They had made quick work of those that remained and they had come out of it unscathed. Standing straight again Athriel tried to shake of the lingering feeling of disappointment that she felt. She would have to wait a little longer for her warrior's death, but she knew that eventually it would come. The battle had been won but not the war. There were some heavy decisions ahead and Sauron still had to be dealt with. She could be glad of one thing however. They were unharmed, Elladan and Elrohir, and she had kept the monster at bay for another day.

As the house came into view Glorfindel slowed down his march. He could see that there had been a fierce battle. Elves had started piling the orc carcasses and soon they would be burnt. Relief spread through the warrior as his brain caught up with his eyes. They had triumphed, the orcs had been defeated. A smile spread across his face slowly as he stopped in the courtyard. But then he happened to look down and spotted the sword lying discarded at his feet. Bending down he picked it up and examined it closely, hoping that his initial impression would be proved wrong, but it wasn't. This was Erestor's sword, and that could only mean one thing. Not only had Erestor been called out to fight, but he had been injured. The sword still in hand the Lord of the Golden Flower broke into a sprint.


	67. Relief

Note: Sorry for the lack of updates recently. Unfortunately life seems to be getting in the way of my writing again. Work, wedding planning and sudden need to move house are to blame.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 67- Relief

TA 3019 March 15th

Erestor collapsed back against the bed beneath him. He was in the healing halls having his arm set. As Elrond forced the bones back into place and strapped the splint tightly Erestor grit his teeth at the pain. He had barely noticed it at the time, but now that the adrenaline of the battle had left him his arm was burning with the pain. Finally his lord let the arm fall to his side and Erestor sighed. They had won the day, but they could not relax yet. There was a lot to do before that. The bodies of the enemy had to be piled and burned and many of the wounded had to be attended to. As it was Elrond had had no time to clean himself up before insisting that his advisor accompany him to the healing halls. Marshalling the pain as best as he could Erestor made to stand up once again so that he could help to look after the wounded, but Elrond shook his head with a stern look. "Not this time Res." Erestor was about to argue when he heard the voice from the doorway.

Glorfindel skidded to a halt when he finally saw Erestor frowning up at Elrond from a bed in the healing rooms. "Erestor" he breathed, relief flooding through him as he rushed forwards on legs that nearly gave out beneath him.

Meanwhile outside of the white city Athriel stood between Elladan and Elrohir as they watched Estel address the Army of the Dead. A least Athriel was watching him. Elladan and Elrohir were trying to pay attention but instead they were watching Athriel out of the corner of their eyes. The coldness was more apparent now, more obvious and even Elladan could not ignore it now. Elrohir's brain was running in circles as he tried to figure out what had changed about her. She had been doing so well. The nightmares had been coming less and less, seeing Legolas again had given her more confidence and meeting Nariel had given her back a lot of what had been lost as the wizard had forced her to face her demons. But now she was distant in a way they had never seen her before. It was as if she had completely detached herself.

Erestor tried to supress a smile as Glorfindel fussed around him. Elrond had already left to go and attend to some of the others needing his attention, and from the look he had given the advisor before he disappeared Erestor knew that he would not be allowed to move from this spot for some time. The broken arm was not the only injury he had gained in the battle.

_Erestor could barely keep up with everything that was happening all around him, he couldn't see Elrond or anyone else from where he stood but he had to believe that they were alright. The same way he had to believe that Glorfindel and the warriors on the borders were alright. All he could do was react to the enemy as they struck out at him. And that was when it happened. Erestor moved to the right to deflect a blow from a large Orc as it rushed towards him. But as their blades connected Erestor felt a sharp burning pain in his left side. Glancing to the left he saw the goblin that had come up behind him. Without thought he struck out his elbow connecting with the creature who had stabbed him with it's spear. Luckily Lindir had been nearby and dispatched the goblin as he reeled backwards, but Erestor had another problem. The orc on his right had taken advantage of Erestor's inattention to grab his sword arm and twist sharply. Falling to his knees at the unexpected movement which was only an annoyance at the moment rather than pain he groped for the fallen spear and stabbed upwards only just managing to slay the beast before falling back exhausted._

Athriel listened intently to what Estel was saying not very far from where she should. But when he finally released the dead men she turned away. It was too horrible she thought as the words reverberated through her mind. _"Be at Peace"_ She envied them in that moment the dead men as they evaporated into nothing. She envied them because she could not have peace, she had been denied it yet again in the battle. Death was the only way that she could gain peace now, the only way that she could rest, the only relief left for her. She walked away quickly on the pretence of helping the other warriors to clear away the corpses that still littered the battlefield. But the two who had been by her side did not believe it. They too had heard the words that had freed the cursed army and they had been watching her closely. They could guess her thoughts and they refused to give up on her. They couldn't, not now after finally feeling alive after all these years. They weren't going to let her slip through their fingers again. They would ensure that she woud find relief from her toments but it would not be in death. They wouldn't let her give up.


End file.
